Longer Than A Year
by TheRoseShadow21
Summary: "And though almost instantly the breeze makes the paper spin back around again, she notices that what he wrote was nearly the exact same thing that she had asked for:'Please, let us have longer than a year together'. " AU, rated M for various reasons, especially part 4
1. This Time, part 1

_This Time  
2013/2014_

 _Look At The Moon_

* * *

Though they attend the same middle school right from the beginning, it is only over a month into their second year there that they meet for the first time.

It is a reasonably sunny afternoon near the end of May, and she's out of breath from running to the bus, thinking she would miss it after three of her classmates delayed her to ask her if she'd mind writing up their notes for them, and she is thinking that she really, really does not want to deal with anything else when she notices a boy sitting in the seat she usually occupies, poring over a shiny coffee-table type book, raven bangs shielding his face. A boy wearing the school uniform of her school, but not one who she can reasonably recognise. She thinks that perhaps he's in the year above, or even below, but at that point, feeling sweaty and stupid and tired, she doesn't really care. Instead, she just stares at him, wondering if she should make a scene about him being there or just go to another free seat, and wondering why she is wondering that. Such is her tiredness that she is still standing there when the bus begins to move, and she has to grab out and reach a pole to stop herself from falling.

 _You idiot,_ she castigates herself, _it doesn't matter. Just sit down before you kill yourself._ But it is at that moment the boy chooses to look up, and suddenly, she is frozen as she takes him in. The bangs, though now no longer obscuring his whole face, still continue to cover his eyes, which oddly seems to suit him. His face is symmetrical, features clear and pleasing to look at. The mouth, though in a simple straight line, seems to have the potential to be so very, very expressive. And overall, there is the sense of recognition, of familiarity, of…. _what, exactly? What is this?_

"Um…."

"I assume that you usually sit here?" he asks. She blinks for a moment, stumped, before collecting herself and nodding briskly.

"Yes. But it doesn't matter. This is public transport, after all. I'll sit somewhere else…"

"How many stops from here?"

She blinks again, and wonders just how it is that this boy has completely floored her with merely two questions. But she puts the issue aside, and answers simply.

"Seven."

"Well then," he nods, and then moves so that he is right next to the window, leaving the aisle seat-her favoured one- free. Somewhat cautiously, she sits down, settling her bag on her lap. Then, she just stares at him, and he regards her back.

"T-Thank you." She stutters after a moment. He simply nods, and then turns back to his book, hair obscuring his face once again. Almost instinctively, she finds herself filled with the overwhelming need to push it back, to get a better look at him. Again, there was an odd sense of _knowing_ , as if she's seen him like this before and done the same thing for him, and the feeling compels her to start to reach out, before suddenly she snaps out of it again, remembering where she is and the fact that they are strangers. _What the hell are you doing?_ Quickly, she settles both hands on her bag, and grips it tightly, to remind herself not to be so stupid.

"So, how far do you have to go, then?" she asks awkwardly, hoping that the inanity of small talk will erase her humiliation. He looks up, staring right at her (though of course, she can't see what his eyes are doing) and takes his time answering.

"I think about nine stops. "He considers this, as though reviewing a diagram in his head. "Yeah, nine."

"You don't _know_?" she couldn't hide the disbelief from her voice at how uncertain he sounded, and instantly regretted it. _Dial it down, idiot!_

"I don't usually take this route." He explained, not offended. "There was a traffic accident on one of the main roads my usual route takes, so those buses are disrupted. They're still running, but I figured it would be a lot quicker and less painful to just get a different bus."

"Oh. Okay." She nods, abashed. "That seems fair enough."

"And probably now explains why I am here in your seat in the first place." The sentence gets delivered calmly, but a hint of a smile tugs at the edges of his mouth, and her heart skips a few beats. _Oh, get a grip._ Even as she fights the blush though, something about that smile makes her happy, and warm, and she silently wishes to be able to see that smile more often.

"This is a public bus, like I said. It's hardly my seat. Just the one that I use all the time." She retorted.

"Even so. It's like a habit, right? "He asked. She could not argue against that one, so she let it go.

"What year are you in then?" she asked instead.

"Second." Came the simple reply.

"Second? Like me?" her mouth dropped open and she gawped at him. He tilted his head slightly and regarded her, almost as if he was frowning at her.

"If you are in the second year….then yeah." He replied slowly, eventually. "I'm guessing we've never been in the same class though. What's your name?"

"Hayami. I'm in 2C."

"Chiba, 2B." he put down his book-which he had been holding the whole time-and held out a hand. "Good to meet you."

Hayami stared at his hand for what felt like the longest time, and then reached to shake it. He had a strong grip, and some of the skin was callused, as if he spent a lot of time making things, but it was warm and comforting. When she let go, she noticed that he seemed taken aback for some reason, but she didn't question it. Instead, they spent the rest of the time talking about insignificant, silly things, with an ease that made it seem like they had always done this, and when the bus reached her stop and she got off, she told him 'see you tomorrow' without really thinking about it, somehow knowing that she would.

 **…**

Hayami turns out to be right, for the next afternoon; there he is, sitting at the same seat, next to the window. This time, Chiba is listening to music instead, and he has his bag on the other seat, but the moment he notices her, he moves the bag so she can sit down. Then, once she has, he hands her one of his earphones, and she takes it without thinking about it. The music that Hayami hears is not the type she likes- loud, brash, some sort of punk music, though she can't be sure-but she finds herself not minding, because it's _him_ offering it to her. As a result, neither of them talk much, apart from one small conversation:

"Say, what's your given name?" Chiba asked as he searched up a new song for them to listen to.

"Rinka. Why?" _What a weird question._

Chiba shrugs at that, and then found a song, selected and locked the screen, tucking his phone back into his pocket.

"No reason really. We didn't divulge them yesterday, but I was curious. But it's a nice name. Makes sense that it's yours. I'm Ryuunosuke."

"Ryuunosuke." She repeats, feeling the sound of the name inside her mouth. She finds herself thinking that it suits him well, when the rest of what he had said filters through. _What?!_

"What do you mean, 'Makes sense that it's yours'?" she demands. Chiba stares at her, and she imagines that under that hair of his, he is blinking in surprise.

"I…I'm not actually sure. But it's true."

"That makes no sense, but alright." She shrugs. After a beat, she adds (somewhat bashfully). "Your name is nice, too."

"Thank you."

At that point, a friendship is sealed, and they rapidly fall into a routine of sorts. The route that Chiba usually takes is cleared fairly quickly, but even then, he decides to continue taking the same route as her after school each day, so that they can spend time together, and spend it together they do. Sometimes they listen to music (genres alternating once Hayami admits she doesn't like most of what he listens to), other times they talk, and the rest of the time is a combination of the two. When she finds out that it had been Chiba's birthday just a few days before they had first met, she buys a small cake for him. Once, when she was thirsty and realised she had left her water bottle in the classroom and it was too late to get it, he gave her his without any protest. And so, they become close. Soon, Hayami finds herself wondering how it was there was a time that she _hadn't_ known Chiba. And so after a while, she started to anticipate these after-school moments with excitement.

About a month later, after school, as usual, Hayami heads to her locker, weighed down by more books her classmates have asked her to make notes on for them, to swap out her indoor slippers for the outdoor school shoes, when she notices a slip of paper sticking out. Curious, she pulls it out and unfolds it.

 _'_ _I've got club today, and I'll be late, so I won't be on the bus today. I'm sorry. See you tomorrow? –Ryuunosuke Chiba. '_

Underneath this is a phone number, and that is when Hayami realises two things. First, that in all this time they never exchanged numbers and second, that they hadn't spent time in school, or anywhere outside the after-school route. _And I want to. I want to get to know him better. Even better._ For a moment, she stares at the note, stifling a chuckle at his impossibly awful writing, that almost looks as if he'd been writing with his eyes glued shut, or something, and then oh-so-carefully, she tucks the note in her pocket while she deals with her shoes, then bundles her things up and runs for the bus.

When she claims her seat, though she could easily sit by the window, she doesn't. Instead, she lets her bag sit there, and she pulls out the note and her phone from her pocket. Carefully, she opens a new text message, taps in the number on the note, and composes her message.

 _'_ _Of course I'll see you tomorrow-Rinka Hayami'._ At the end, she adds her own phone number, to make things easier, and sends the message. Watching it send, she bites her lip, thinking. _I want to get to know you better. To spend more time with you. I don't understand why, but I do._ She truly cannot understand the whys of it. It seems a compulsion, a deep-seated, tugging need. Yet at the same time, she wondered if she needed a reason- they got on well, and she could consider him a friend. _But of course, it isn't that simple, is it?_

So, she steeled her shoulders and sent him another message.

 _'_ _Next time that you have club, text me beforehand, or tell me the day before. I'll come and wait for you.'_

Once Hayami had done that, she turned off her phone, and stared forlornly out of the window until she got to her stop, and then dragged her feet as she walked the remaining part of her journey home. As nobody was home when she got there, she just slipped off her shoes and wearily made her way to her bedroom, where she changed, and then went to her desk to tackle her homework- _No, wait, there's Tanizaki-san's Maths and Kikuchi-san's English work to do too._ With a heavy heart, she put aside her own books, and located the relevant books, and got to work on those.

It was only after a few hours, when her mother (who had got back at some point without her hearing it) called her down for dinner that it occurred to her to turn on her phone again. Yawning, she did just that, and waited. After a few moments, her phone vibrated and the screen flashed to tell her she had one new message. She clicked on it from the notification bar, and much to her delight, she found that it was from Chiba.

 _'_ _If you really want to do that, then sure, I'll do that. '_

 **…**

"How come that it's always you who cleans up the clubroom afterwards? Don't any of the others help?"

"Ah…" Chiba looked up from where he was sweeping, and pursed his lips as he regarded her.

"I don't know. They ask me to, so I say yes. It's the nice thing to do, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but they're club members too, so at least one of them should pitch in, right? It's hardly fair that you do it all alone."

"But I'm not. You're helping me, aren't you?" he points out. She grits her teeth.

"But that's not…." _You deserve better, Chiba!_ She doesn't understand this, this overwhelming sense of 'this isn't fair on you', her desire that he has a better time of things in this school than she is currently having. All the same, she feels it.

"Hayami, it's not such a big deal." He says, somewhat wearily. "It's not really costing me anything."

"Er, they're taking advantage of you, so yes it is." She huffs, rolling her eyes as she picks up a box that she's just packed full of papers and books and crosses the room to put it in the cupboard.

"But isn't that what's happening when those girls from your class are asking you to do their homework or write up their study notes?"

Hayami stops in her tracks and swivels around to stare at him. He stops sweeping and stares back, almost expressionless, and she tries to think of a suitable retort, something to snap back at him, but she finds herself lost for words. _Because he's right._ Biting her lip, she turned away rapidly and went to put the box away, before turning back and surveying the room to see what else needed to be done. _I could help with the sweeping, or move the tables, or there's more stuff that needs putting away in the cupboard….._ her mind listed these tasks factually as she surveyed the room, but her eyes kept going back to him, and she doesn't move. Chiba remains where he is and watches her, saying nothing, revealing nothing.

Then, slowly, Chiba puts aside the broomstick, balancing it against the nearest table, and takes one step, and then another, and another, eventually getting closer to her. But even with this slowness, it isn't long before he is right in front of her, and somehow, the intensity of his look seems to increase. Hayami's breath catches in her throat for some reason, but she doesn't avert her eyes or turn away or protest. And she finds she doesn't want to.

After a moment or so of more silence where all they do is stare at each other, he then reaches out and lightly caresses her cheek with his hand, and leaves it there for a moment. _Huh?_ Hayami gasps in surprise, but finds the sensation somewhat….welcoming. But at the same time, she feels herself go utterly red in embarrassment, and this finally breaks the silence as Chiba chuckles at her expression.

"W-What's so funny?!" she splutters. He just shakes his head.

"We're such a mess, the two of us, aren't we?"

It takes her a moment, but she clocks what he means through her utter embarrassment, all the same.

"Yeah, we are. Still," she shrugs. "What can we do about it, huh?"

 _Because the way we are, we can't protest, not really._

He shrugs back, somewhat wistfully. She thinks about reaching out to push away his bangs, see what his eyes are like-if she recognises them, the way she somehow recognised him right at the beginning, though she hadn't known him before then- but decides not to. Instead, she just smiles.

"We'll just muddle through, right?" she shrugs again. "Do what we can."

"Yeah." Chiba nods, and then lets his hand fall back to his side. She blinks again, and then shakes her head rapidly, wondering why she's suddenly so fuzzy headed, just because of the warmth of his hand.

"A-Anyway, there's still a lot to do here!" Hayami strides over to the broomstick that he left behind, and takes it and starts sweeping, while Chiba gets the dustpan and brush.

They spend the rest of the time tidying the clubroom in near silence, deliberately only talking about things that are lighter, sillier, or at least less close to home, such as how Karma Akabane was quite literally close to suspension the way he was going, or the things that they've been watching on television. Between them, they manage to finish at a time that , even with the fact that it's still late, is quite reasonable, and they both grab their bags and leave the room as soon as possible, and walk down the corridor as fast as they can without running (because after all, neither of them want to get into trouble with Principal Asano).

Chiba clears his throat to say something when they finally get to the main door of the school, when another girl from their year goes past them, her light brown hair wet and he stops mid-sentence. The girl pauses and turns to them, and so they wait.

"Oh, Chiba-kun, Hayami-san, hello!" she greets, clearly surprised. "I didn't realise that you two knew each other. And why are you here so late?"

"Uhhh…" _What, exactly, do I say to that?_

"We were just cleaning my clubroom, Kataoka." Chiba says.

"Ah, I see. Kind of you to help, Hayami-san." Kataoka rubs at her head absently, looking harried, even as she smiles.

"What are you doing here so late yourself?" Hayami asks matter-of-factly. Kataoka laughs awkwardly.

"We had a late swimming practise, and I left my bag in my homeroom, so yeah. I'd better go and get it. Have a safe journey home."

"You too." Chiba replies as Kataoka runs off. They blink after her disappearing form for a moment, and then almost in unison, just shrug and continue their way out of the building, and amble casually towards the bus-stop. As they wait for the bus, Hayami remembers she has some snacks still in her bag, and she shares them with him.

"Say, Chiba, what were you going to say before we stopped to talk to Kataoka-san?" She remembers to ask as she munches her way through a packet of crisps. Chiba looks at her for a moment, as if she has said something weird, and then a smile tugs at his lips.

"Ah, I was just going to say that, I'm glad that I've found you."

"Me, too." She says automatically. Then she blinks and thinks about her response, and goes hot again.

"N-Not that that…you know….I…uh…don't take that the wrong way!" she stutters out eventually. Chiba laughs at that.

"Yeah, I know, don't worry."

"It's not funny, you know." She mutters into the bag of crisps she's still holding. Chiba chuckles at this, again, but before she can protest again, the bus arrives, and so she just sighs heavily and lets it go as they climb onto the bus and go to their usual seats, and they just continue talking about other different things.

It is only much, much later, when Hayami has got off at her stop and is back in her house when she realises something.

 _"_ _I'm glad that I found you."_

Found. Found, as opposed to 'met'. _Found_. It's a strange word choice, and yet, as she replays the phrase in her mind, she knows that it wasn't a mistaken one. And yet…. _found. I found you._ What it suggests, she isn't too sure, because she can't find any logical reason. But it doesn't stop her from feeling happy that he feels that way about her, doesn't stop her from replaying it over and over in her mind.

And it certainly doesn't stop her from thinking that she's glad that she's _found_ him, too.

 **…**

As the year goes on, she sometimes starts to have dreams. Strange, horrifying, inexplicable dreams. Blood soaked, most of them, and wherever she is, she is facing death and struggling and struggling to get away. But from what apart from impeding death, she doesn't know, and yet nearly all of them end in the same way, when she wakes up out of breath and near hysterical, stumbling out of bed and watching it askance, as if it the bed that as the cause of her troubles. The other times, she just wakes up with tears running down her face, more than she's ever cried before, in any other circumstance. A few of the times, she's found that she had almost screamed aloud, and forcibly covers her mouth with her hands, not wanting to wake her mother.

Every time this happens, she doesn't go back to sleep for the rest of the night, usually staying near the window and looking outside, trying to get her heart to slow back down to its normal rate. Each time, she tries to get a grip on the images of her dream, but they seem to flutter and fade, slipping just out of her grasp and offering her nothing beyond the sense of devastation and terror that leaves her shaking, trembling, utterly weak and with no clear reason.

And it is a shaking that only seems to ease when she sees Chiba the next day. Because then, she's able to let go of the lingering fear for him that the dreams leave behind.

 **…**

They go out together for New Years, to visit a shrine and then maybe later see fireworks and get something to eat. It's a date, though neither of them will admit it to be so (just like the other times), and so when Hayami sees the look on Chiba's face as he regards the kimono she's wearing, she swells with satisfaction. Though she would never say so, she spent ages making sure she looked her best-finding the best shades of blue and green that she knew suited her hair, and pinning said hair up just so-, and so it makes her feel validated. More than that, even. For some reason, the sentiment that comes to mind is 'finally', which makes no sense to her, because it's patiently obvious that he sees her better than anyone else does, but all the same, she finds herself with this feeling that his impressed reaction has been a long time overdue, and the elation keeps her afloat for the duration of the date that they won't call a date.

As it gets closer to their turn to write a wish for the new year and hang it up, she finds herself carrying another feeling too, one that she can't really name, but one that's most linked to both the sense of familiarity that she keeps getting off him, as well as the terror she feels the morning after her horrible dreams until she sees him again and knows that everything is fine. She finds herself wondering what she could possibly wish for that would protect him.

In the end, what she writes is ' _I want us to have longer than a year together'._ It'll be a year since they met at the end of May, she knows this, but she isn't fully sure why she has specifically said 'longer than a year'. All she knows is that if they can reach that milestone, then they'll be fine. Somehow, they will be. So she doesn't change her wording, and instead hangs it up, and waits for Chiba to finish writing his.

When he has, and they make to leave, something makes her look over her shoulder. In that moment, a breeze picks up, and spins the other sheets tied up at the shrine around and around, momentarily revealing people's wishes for the new year to her. On one of them, she recognises Chiba's utterly awful handwriting. And though almost instantly the breeze makes the paper spin back around again, she notices that what he wrote was nearly the exact same thing that she had asked for.

 _Please, let us have longer than a year together._

 **…**

"Hayami, I'm sorry."

"Sorry? What for?"

"I…I'm going to end up in 3E. My grades weren't good enough to keep me on the main campus. I don't think we'll be able to see each other as often."

"You're mistaken."

"I…excuse me?"

"My grades are awful, too. "

"Oh…so you'll be in 3E too."

"What else happens to third-years with crap grades in this school?"

"Yeah, I know, I was stating the obvious. Still….I'm kind of relieved. Not that we both did badly, but that at least it won't be so awful, being there."

"Because we'll have each other, at the very least."

"Exactly."

 **…**

They toil through the remains of their second year at Kunugigaoka and stumble apathetically into their third, in 3E, the end class, the lowest of the low. The people who become their classmates in this place are an interesting bunch-some Hayami recognises from 2C, others she cannot remember ever seeing before-but all the same, she notes the surprising mixture of people. The presence of the ridiculously breezy Rio, the artsy Sugaya and the delinquent mini-gang led by Terasaka do not surprise her, but those like Kataoka, the year group ikemen phenomenon Isogai and the science-loving Manami _do_ surprise her. That being said, the surprise is lessened by Kataoka and Isogai becoming their class representatives, as the role seems almost as if it were made for those two. There was also a seat in the class for Karma, but it remained empty, as he was still suspended from school. Their teacher-Aguri Yukimura- is young and only in her second year of teaching, but she is kind, light-hearted and seems to genuinely believe in their capabilities and potential to succeed, which makes a nice change from the attitudes the rest of the world seem to hold about them. Hayami and Chiba still mostly keep to themselves-doing the work required of them, being civil to their classmates, but otherwise just staying together and often going off to spend time alone, all the time that they can. And though occasionally some of their classmates-usually Isogai, Kataoka, Maehara, Yada or Hinano- would coax them out to spend a lunchtime or two with them, they were not really disturbed. And of course, they were able to continue going home together. Of course, it was 3E, and they had to endure all that came with that label. But endure it they did, and it seemed like they would somehow get through it just fine with each other.

And then, two weeks into that school year, the moon exploded.

 **…**

In the moments leading up to the moon explosion, Hayami is sitting up in bed, her heart hammering in her chest, oddly exhausted, as though she had been running for her life weighed down by elaborate traditional clothing in reality, and not just her dreams. Her awful dreams, which still haven't subsided. She puts a hand on her chest and breathes in and out, in and out, but it doesn't work (it never has, so she isn't sure why she even tries that in the first place). So eventually, she gives in, and gets up, walking towards the window.

Naturally, she finds herself gazing at the moon, thinking how pretty it is, and trying to focus on it as another somewhat futile way of calming herself. For a moment, she wonders if Chiba is awake, and if so, whether he is looking at the moon. She briefly toys with the idea of calling him, but dismisses it. After all, it's more likely that he's asleep and it would be stupid to wake him up in the middle of the night. That, and she really doesn't want to find out that he's been suffering from the same dreams she's been having. It's the same reason she's never told him about the dreams before (though from time to time, the way he tips his head when regarding her makes her think he might understand more than she thinks he does, but even so).

And then, all of a sudden, the sky seems to ripple slightly, as though it is just a body of water, before there is an almighty explosion, and the moon disappears in a flash.

 _W-what was that?_ A scream rips itself from her throat, against her will, and she shakes, really badly. The explosion seems to echo in her head, reverberating right from her centre and towards her edges. It's all she can do to not keel over from the weight of it.

"O-Oh my god….oh my….." _What was that?! What_ was _that?!_

"Rinka! Rinka, are you alright? What just happened?!"

Her mother comes rushing into the room, a dressing gown over her pyjamas, but she does not seem angry, just shocked. Wordlessly, Hayami points a shaking finger at the sky, and notices that the light has subsided and the moon is….decimated. Still there, but with a huge hole blown through it, rendering it a permanent crescent. Now the explosion has finished, there is an odd hush over the world, and the remains of the moon seems stark in this silence. Her mother gasps and covers her mouth at the sight, and almost immediately rushes down the stairs.

In a daze, Hayami follows, and stands woodenly in the doorway of the living room, as her mother turns on the television and looks for a news channel. But they don't yield anything except surprise, shock and hysteria, and emergency press conferences of the government trying to reassure people that no, the apocalypse is not imminent- _how did they get there so quickly, what do they know?-_ and outside, she can hear her neighbours reacting, some leaving their houses and calling out to others on the street, seeking explanations or reassurances, or otherwise just wanting to broadcast their feelings. And then the house phone starts to ring, and her mother goes to answer it, and instantly starts shrieking things such as 'I have no idea what happened' and 'that was like the whole moon' and 'we're terrified'. It's utter chaos, and Hayami stands there, unsure of what to do, or think, or feel.

As she remains rooted, her hands curl up, and that is when she realises she is holding something. Bringing it up so she can see the item, it is revealed to be her mobile phone. _When did I pick this up?_ She can't remember doing that, and yet it is here, in her hand, as if it is a sign. A sign that she needs to check on him. Because even through the noise indoors, outdoors and on the television, she can still hear that deathly, deathly silence. And she knows that it spells trouble.

 _Then what are you doing? Do something, say something, call him! Check that he's okay!_ She stares at her mobile again, and thinks of the way the sky rippled for an instant as if any moment, it would shatter and fall apart, destroying their whole world with it. How she could feel the vibrations, still. How she was convinced that in that moment she would die, just like she keeps doing in her dreams.

 _No, no, no, no. I can't. Not yet. It hasn't been long enough._

Somehow, managing to keep her balance and somehow managing not to scream again and just keel over and give up, Hayami tears away from the living room doorway and she goes out into the landing. She doesn't bother to flip on the light as she slips her feet into some shoes and grabs a jacket from the rack. As she finds the spare keys and battles with the door, her mother notices she is leaving and calls out in angry protest, but still remains glued to the phone and the television, so Hayami ignores her and runs down the road, trying her hardest not to look at what the moon has become. As she does, she turns her phone on, and then tries many, many times to dial his number (though it's in her contacts, she's memorised it, and so she always dials it in full, and even now, she can't break the habit). When she finally manages to, she starts the call and holds the phone to her ear, still running as fast as she can-to where, she doesn't know, but she keeps on running.

 _Please answer, Chiba, please._ It becomes a mantra that she repeats in her head, as the seconds tick away and the phone keeps ringing. After a certain number of rings, the call cuts off and tells her to try again, and she does. Over, and over again. And all the while, as the people she passes try to make sense of what has just happened, she keeps on trying to reach him and make sure that they're still okay, and the terror she feels rises and rises, blotting everything else out. All except for one oddly persistent thought, one that keeps rising in her mind, as if offering an answer to this madness:

 _Something like this has happened to me before. To us._

* * *

 **So...I have a multi-chapter story ongoing for this fandom, and I'm still working on that one-shot collection for ERASED, and yet here I am, with another side project (I am ridiculous).**

 **It's a Chiba/Hayami fic (obviously) and it is an AU based off of the concept of the book 'Midwinterblood' by Marcus Sedgwick, which is one of my favourite stories. I highly recommend you read the book if you can get it, or at least look up a bit about the story, because that will help you understand a lot about the coming chapters and the shape of the story in general. Of course, if there is anything you are confused about, you can still ask me, but still. Though, there will be a lot of differences, not least that Midwinterblood has an underlying theme of sacrifice, and this fic's theme would more best be described as 'chances' instead. But anyway, in total, counting this chapter, there will be eight chapters, covering seven different time periods, and Chiba and Hayami will have varying names and ages in each one, though of course you should be able to recognise the original versions of them in each one. And because it will be fun to do so, some of the other characters will have AU versions of them in the other chapters too :)** **But anyway, like I said, do read 'Midwinterblood' if you can, and not just because it's the inspiration for this, but also as it is a great story. Seriously, give it a try.**

 **I don't know when the next chapter of this fic will be put up, as it is another side project, but I am planning the rest of this quite carefully, so it will happen. And, well, tell me what you think of the idea, and I will see you next time!**


	2. An Innocent Time

_An Innocent Time  
1970_

 _To live, not just survive._

* * *

The gunshots had stopped ringing out by the time that Detective Ryuuji Chiba arrived at the house at two in the morning, but he was sure that whatever had happened within those walls, the impact of it would last forever.

That, and people would be talking about it for _days_.

He sighed as he surveyed the small crowds that had gathered around the house, curious. Different ages, all in night clothes of some sort, wrapping dressing gowns and jackets around themselves, exchanging looks between themselves as they gaped at the house. _Whatever's happened, they're treating it as entertainment, aren't they? What idiots. This isn't…._

"Should I deal with the audience before joining you inside? I reckon Fuwa-Chan's on her way, and some uniforms should be too, so you won't have to process this alone."

Chiba had not noticed Yada come up to him, but he nodded gratefully and watched as she went to do just that. Female detectives were not generally common, but there were two of them on the Kunugigaoka Town Police Force, and he knew he could count on both of them as much as he could count on any other male. Had done so countless times before, on other cases. Yada in particular had a friendly aura about her, and was skilled at negotiating with large groups of people, so he happily left the gawking neighbours to her, and decided to get inside the house. But first, he headed over to the only neighbour who was not just curious, but worried.

"Do you live in the house next door to that one?" he asked, pointing to the one the gunshots were coming from. The neighbour, a tall dark haired man in his forties, nodded, golden eyes troubled.

"Yes. I..I..we called it in." he gestured to next to him, where a woman, presumably his wife, a tall, svelte woman with light brown hair, stood carrying a sleepy young girl who stared at him in bafflement. A teenage girl stood by her side, also staring at him, but more sceptically.

"Do you need the keys, to get in?" the woman asked. Chiba nodded.

"If you could." He would break down the door if he needed to, but he preferred not to.

"Is there anything that can we can do?" the man asked, as his wife went away with the younger girl.

"For the Asanos, I mean? There were a lot of shots, and the children…..I'm really worried about the children, Detective. What could have happened to them?"

"You said that there were children in the house?" his instincts pricked up. _This isn't good._ He looked up at the house. Some of the lights upstairs were still on, but there was no sign of life in the house. He sighed.

"How many children, how old? And what about their parents?"

The man opened his mouth to answer, but was interrupted by his teenage daughter.

"They're all young, still in elementary school. Hiroto-kun and Hinano-Chan are twins, 11 years old. Rinka-Chan is the same age as my little sister Yuki, and Kouki-kun's just six. Can I come in with you?"

"Megu, didn't your mother tell you to go back inside with her, and go back to bed?"

"Why should I?"

Megu, tall and willowy and the spit of her mother, crossed her arms and glared.

"I know them. We all do. And _you_ aren't going back to bed, are you? "

Her father sighed, and turned back to Chiba.

"Sorry about that. But yeah, she's right. Their parents are Osamu and Haruka Asano, both in their forties, about my age. I…I don't understand how someone with a gun could have gotten into their house. I hope they're alright. And…is there anything I can do? Should I come in with you?"

"I, well-"

"I'll come too, if there's anything that can be done."

"Megu!" the man looked at his teenaged daughter in shock, and then sighed, before turning appealingly to Chiba.

"I'm afraid that at this point, the house is a crime scene." Yada appeared by Chiba's side once again. She was accompanied by a uniformed policeman, a young thing with wide blue eyes and hair in an equally shocking shade. Chiba nodded at him, recognising the officer.

"That's right." Chiba added. "But if you could give Officer Oishi a statement telling us exactly what you all heard, that would be incredibly helpful."

"Ah-yes, of course." The man nodded. As he moved to a side with Oishi, his wife came out and approached them. She handed Chiba the keys quietly, but held his gaze for a moment longer. Though she was clearly startled by his sunglasses, she did not falter in this.

"If the children are hurt, you'll catch whoever did it, won't you?" She eventually asked.

"We will do our best." Was all Chiba could offer. The woman nodded, and turned to walk back to the house. Then, she turned and did a double take, her gaze landing on Megu. She sighed.

"Megu! You've got school tomorrow!"

"But Mum…."

"Megu. Back in, now."

Megu tried to protest further, but quickly gave up and started to walk back towards her house. Chiba walked with Yada towards the Asano house, where just moments earlier, bullets had been raining down, presumably aimed at the inhabitants. But just as he got to the door, he turned back and called out to Megu, who was still dragging her feet as she followed her mother.

"Megu-Chan! How old is your sister?"

"Seven." Megu replied without missing a beat, just before she disappeared into the house. Chiba nodded, satisfied. _I thought so,_ he thought, though he had no idea why he had thought so.

Carefully, he took the key that Megu's mother had given, and opened the door. Just as he did, he was joined by Fuwa –the other female detective he had counted on many times before-and the crime scene technicians. Kunugigaoka Town's Medical Examiner was also there

"Okay!" Fuwa declared. "Let's get to the bottom of this!"

Snapping on gloves, Chiba went for the light switch in the landing so that they could at least see what they were dealing with, and prepared to call out to announce their presence, but the words died promptly on his lips as his eyes alit on the exquisitely carpeted stairs and what was on them.

A suitcase had been flung –presumably in anger-down them, landing and breaking open on the third step from the bottom. A whole disarray of clothes-women's and children's- spilled out of it, and they were all sprayed with blood. But that was not even the worst of it. That label was best given to the man sitting a few steps up while holding a handgun, as if waiting for them. Except, he wasn't really waiting, not with his brains blown out and his body slumped like that. _Ah…_ just like that, a picture of what had possibly happened started to form, and Chiba closed his eyes for a moment, before opening them and turning to his two fellow detectives.

"Fuwa, you check that downstairs is clear. Yada and I will take upstairs. Takebayashi, will you come with us?" Chiba asked the medical examiner, who nodded gravely as he got his things together.

"Of course," he replied, adjusting his glasses. "I presume you think the rest of the family are upstairs?"

"Yeah…" _I don't think any of the family managed to get further than Osamu Asano did._ The thought made his stomach churn. But he tamped it down as they got on with things-Fuwa snagging two crime scene techs and a uniformed officer to accompany her as she checked downstairs, Chiba, Yada and Takebayashi heading upstairs. Takebayashi stopped when he reached Osamu's body, to examine him, and so the two detectives continued on forward.

"Did you get the names of the family from the neighbour who called it in?" Yada asked.

"They're the Asano family. I'm guessing this is Osamu Asano. " . _Haruka-san, Hiroto-kun, Hinano-Chan, Rinka-Chan, Kouki-kun._ Repeating the names like a mantra in his head, he quickly updated Yada on the sparse information he had gained from Megu and her father.

And then they came across another body lying face down, taken down by three bullets in the back. An 11 year old boy with tawny hair, wearing a blue outdoors jacket over his pyjamas. _Hiroto Asano._

"It looks like he was about to go somewhere." Yada commented, as she knelt down. Chiba didn't say anything-he had thought much the same. And though it wasn't a specific place as such, he had a good idea where he would have been headed to.

Gently, she checked for a pulse, but after a few seconds, she looked up and shook her head. Then, she stood up and rubbed her forehead.

"If this is what has happened to the other three little ones, this is going to be a long night." She sighed. "That being said, I did tell them to come with an ambulance, in case one of them was alive. …"

Chiba just nodded at this, and then looked ahead. Behind the 11 year old boy were two more bodies-one sprawled awkwardly on the floor, a few steps behind the boy, and another nearer to the door of one of the rooms. Yada was the first to step forward, and she knelt beside one of the bodies.

"This one's an adult female. The mother, assumingly. She got the worst of this." She stated, gesturing to the sheer number of gunshots that the woman had sustained, as well as some bullets nearby.

"A rage killing." Chiba commented, joining her. "This was motivated by rage. Somehow, I doubt that it'll be easy to tell which shot killed her."

"Hmm….Takebayashi-san should be able to do so though, right?" Yada aimed the last part of her sentence at the medical examiner, who was still by Osamu's body.

"Once I've got the go-ahead to take them back for autopsy, yes. "Came the terse reply. Yada rolled her eyes and pulled a face.

"Alright, we've got it. " Yada turned to Chiba. "Chiba-kun, lets's see if we can find the other two."

"Right." He said. Frowning, he quickly scanned the area, and made a decision.

"You start in that room-I'll start in the one next to it." He told her, swallowing down the horror he felt and going to the room that had a body by the door.

"Eh-oh? Well, okay?"

Chiba didn't look up, and instead knelt by the child. This one was a girl, her eyes squeezed shut, as if she didn't want to look at whatever was in front of her. Also clad in pyjamas, she had clutched a pink cat-pattered drawstring bag to her, but that hadn't been enough to staunch the gunshot wound that she had sustained, and certainly hadn't made a difference, given the other that had passed straight through her head. For some reason, a hat with bear ears was pulled over her chin-length curly orange hair, and the sight of it so damaged hurt his heart a little. _Deal with it. There are two others to find. Look for them._

He straightened, and reached for the handle of the door the girl was lying in front of, and tested it. Thankfully, the door opened, and it swung inwards rather than outwards, so carefully, he stepped over the girl-mentally giving his apologies- and went in.

The bedroom was clearly shared by both the Asano daughters, the beds opposite to each other, pushed up against a wall. Switching on the light, he saw that the walls were pale pink, and that each side was decorated differently-one bed was full to the brim with stuffed toys of different creatures-teddy bears, cats, dogs, bunnies, even things like an octopus, a walrus and a beetle. There were also lots of pictures stuck to the wall, again of animals. The other bed was…neater. That little girl also had soft toys, but less of them, and arranged more neatly, and her posters were fewer, and there didn't seem to be a real theme that he could see, though there were quite a few ballet dancers. Indeed, on the bedside table he saw a little figurine of a ballerina, clad in blue rather than the usual pink. Not that he'd know. But more importantly, the room appeared empty. _Or, wait…_

Something sparking in his mind, he crouched momentarily, noticing for the first time the red splotches on the fluffy white carpet, and the fact that they seemed to lead to the wardrobe. Some of them looked like drag marks. Instantly, he strode over to it, and swung the doors open, and saw…nothing. Nothing that he wanted to see, as such. Clothes-tops, skirts, dresses-hung in the cupboard, and others were folded and put on the upper shelf. There was a mirror on the inside of one of the cupboard doors. And another suitcase stashed at the bottom of the cupboard, laid flat and unzipped, bulging slightly, as if over packed. There was also a small deep red smudge on the lid, which set of another spark. So, holding his breath, he knelt down once again, and carefully flipped open the lid.

There was a little girl in the suitcase. Like her sister, she was curled up, eyes screwed shut. But unlike her sister, she was breathing. Chiba could see her chest rise and fall, and her fingers twitched slightly. He noticed a bright red school backpack on her back, and noted that she wore a nightdress rather than pyjamas, but she was curled up enough that he couldn't discern anything else. Cautiously, afraid, he reached out and lightly touched her cheek with a gloved finger. Almost instantly, her eyes started to flutter, eventually widening in terror. Emerald-green, her gaze flickered here and there and her face contorted as she looked around her. But eventually, she noticed him, and the panic in her eyes slowly drained away as she locked her gaze onto his. For a moment, it seemed like she could see right through his sunglasses and into his very soul, in a way that made her seem ageless. It was disconcerting, and he squirmed a little, and yet he found that for whatever reason, he couldn't move away. But then the child spoke, and that reminded him that here he was dealing with a little girl. _A little girl._

"W-who are you? It's…quiet…" the words came out in a quiet, laboured whisper.

"Are you Rinka-Chan?" he asked, wondering why he hadn't just asked 'what's your name' even as he did so. Of course, he couldn't be sure, but this girl was a great deal smaller than the one who had been outside the door of the bedroom. So it was logical that this little girl was Rinka, not Hinano. Or so he told himself.

"I…I..yeah. I am. Who are…you….?" She persisted, still looking afraid. _Don't be afraid of me, it's fine,_ he wanted to say. But instead, he decided to answer Rinka's question.

"I'm a detective. Ryuuji Chiba. "Seeing doubt in her eyes, he pulled out his badge and held it in front of her. Rinka regarded it, and then nodded, so he put it back in his trouser pocket.

"Can you get up?" he asked her. Rinka frowned, but nodded, and slowly uncurled and pushed herself up into a sitting position. She winced in pain more than once, but didn't complain, or even mention anything about it, but when she was sitting up straight, it was impossible to miss the stain blooming across the front of her nightdress. Noticing him look at it, she wrapped her arms defensively and glared.

"I-It doesn't h-hurt…It's ju-" but she stopped mid-sentence to wince once again, gritting her teeth and nearly folding over again. Straight away, Chiba stirred himself into action, and took off his jacket and ripped some material from the lining, and roughly fashioned a sort of bandage from it, going all the way around the little girl's middle. Then, he scooped her up in his arms and got up, making a run for it as he held her close, willing her to stay awake, stay alive. _Please, please. I can't lose you too._

"I've found one of them alive!" he yelled out as he pounded past the other bodies and down the stairs.

"Don't look." He whispered to Rinka. "You're safe now. Don't look."

He tried to hold her such that she would be shielded from the carnage made of her family, but it wasn't possible, and he did not feel her face press into his shoulder, didn't sense her closing her eyes, though she did loosely wrap his arms around his neck. She remained silent as he rushed, not complaining of pain or asking what had happened or what would happen. _She's trying to be brave,_ he realised, a revelation that filled him with equal parts pride and devastation. _Just how much of an ordeal did she go through, to shut down like this?_ He had an awful feeling that she would be the only one he'd be able to ask, and as much as he wanted to solve this case, he worried about her. About what the asking would do. _But first, make sure she survives._

"Where was she?!" Yada asked, catching up to him. He barely acknowledged her. All his energy was focused on the child he was holding.

"The girls' bedroom." He said, tersely as they left the house. "Where's the ambulance?"

"Over here!"

Chiba followed Yada and Fuwa to the ambulance, which had its doors open, and a stretcher waiting. Once he reached it, he carefully tried to disentangle her and set her down. At first, she was as calm and unreactive as before as she watched his face, but when a paramedic entered her line of sight, she suddenly bucked violently, trying to get away from the paramedic and attempting to climb back into Chiba's arms. Startled, he tried to lower her again, but this only made her efforts more frantic, and she started screaming. Piercing, desperate sounds that rang through the street as she struggled and struggled. Others swarmed around, tried to get her away from him and into the ambulance, but her resistance only became more fierce and terrified.

"Shh, shh…" he tried to soothe, ineffectually.

"Go with her." Fuwa suggested, raising her voice to be heard over the screaming. Chiba gave his fellow detective an incredulous look.

"What? We can deal with the scene here for now! "She declared. "That, and she's become attached to you for whatever reason. "

Fuwa stopped at this, eyeing the child with trepidation. Chiba hesitated, still unsure.

"But what about…"

"I'll clear with the chief." Yada reassured. "Besides, this way it will make things easier when keeping a track of her status. So, go."

Yada winked at him, and he rolled his eyes. Then, he blocked everyone else, and focused on what needed to be done.

"Let me." He told the paramedics. They nodded, and eased away, ready to step in once he had her calm. Carefully, he attempted to lower her onto the stretcher once again.

"I'm not leaving, okay? I'll be right here the whole time. You're safe now, okay, Rinka-Chan? I won't leave you. "

He repeated the words over and over in different variations, endlessly and exhaustingly as they somehow got the child loaded into the ambulance. She soon stopped screaming and struggling, but still whimpered and fussed, as if whatever terror she had been feeling was now just kicking in. As they sedated her and the last of these noises died away, he found a place to sit next to her, and reached for her tiny hand.

"It's alright for me to do this?" he asked a paramedic leaning over. Looking up with sad and horrified eyes, he blinked, clearly not sure where to look, given the sunglasses. But Chiba did not waver, and just waited.

"Yeah, sure. "

Nodding at the paramedic, Chiba gripped Rinka's hand, and kept out of the way as much as he could as the ambulance hurtled its way to the hospital. And as it did, he prayed over and over for her survival, with a fervency that surprised even him. _Please, please, please._

 **…**

It was no surprise to Chiba to see the Asano's neighbour rush into the hospital waiting room carrying a bag and looking frantic. Calmly, he put a hand up-but did not get up from his seat-so that the man would see him. Sure enough, he did, and soon came over.

"They say you found one of them. Rinka-Chan." The man-at that moment, Chiba remembered his name was Isogai- wasted no time with niceties. "How is she?"

Chiba thought of the million things he could say about that. Terrified. Brave. Stoic. So small. Mesmerising. Sweet. A survivor. He thought of the screams that had emitted from that surprisingly tiny body, with the small warm hands. Those green eyes. He said none of that.

"She was conscious when we found her, though she had to be sedated on the way here. She's currently in surgery. I believe that she will make it."

"Oh. Oh. I see. And the rest of her family?"

Chiba's lack of response seemed to be enough for Isogai to understand, and he closed his eyes and lowered his head for a moment. But then he pulled himself together and looked Chiba in the eye.

"In that case, we'd like to have her live with us, once she's out of the woods. " he said. This Chiba was not expecting.

"Why?"

"We've known Rinka-Chan and the rest of the Asanos ever since we moved in there, just before Megu was born. Yuki is in the same class as Rinka-they walk to school and back together every day, and are always in and out of each other's houses. So she knows us, at least. Please, if you can, can you make sure she comes to us?"

Chiba took a moment to answer. In truth, he had not thought about the afterwards, what would happen to the child once she was physically healed, once they had closed the case. _When it is all over._ Somehow, the idea saddened him. But this wasn't about him, or his feelings. It never was, never would be. Yet it still saddened him. _Which is why I will do my best for her._

"We're not really in control of that-that's the responsibility of social services." He made a note that they needed to be contacted as he said this.

"Then there's the investigation. But, I will make sure to mention you."

Isogai's mouth thinned into a line, and he nodded sadly. Then, he steeled his shoulders and smiled again, winningly so, and thrust the bag he had been holding at him. Startled, Chiba took it and stared at it.

"Meiko-my wife-put together some of Yuki's clothes for Rinka-Chan to wear while she's here, because I'm guessing she'll need them, and I also assume we can't go into the house to get anything for her…we will be able to do that though, won't we?"

"Yes, once the house is cleared." There was a silence, and then Chiba cleared his throat.

"This is incredibly helpful. I'll make sure to pass it onto a nurse. Thank you." He said, somewhat awkwardly.

"Ah, this is nothing, really. " Isogai took a deep breath, and then got up. "Well now, I need to go. See the girls off to school, go to work. You know."

He sounded sad, and a little amazed that life could go on after a tragedy had occurred in such close proximity. Chiba couldn't blame him, but kept his emotions in check as he stood up to shake the man's hand.

"Of course. Have a good day now, Isogai-san."

"Mhm."

With that, Isogai left the hospital. Chiba stared for a moment, and then sat back down. He pushed his sunglasses up for a second to rub at his eyes, and then put them back down again. Then, he settled the bag on his lap, and waited to find out whether Rinka Asano had survived her ordeal.

 **…**

The child survived her operation, somehow, miraculously. The investigation went on, and between what was found in the house, the accounts she gave and what they managed to find out by interviewing those who had known the family, a grim picture was formed.

Osamu Asano was a strict, but fair-seeming man who had been brought up in a strict and definitely unfair family. Those who had known Osamu for a long time remembered his father Manabu (long since deceased), who veered between excessively violent and overly distant, but always, always demanding perfection. And as such, he had expected the same from his own family, when he had created it. But at first, it seemed like he knew how to balance that with kindness, and basic human decency. People described Osamu as being openly affectionate (albeit in a subdued way) with all his children and loving towards his pretty wife Haruka. Rinka herself spoke fondly of her daddy and how he always had the answers to things. But then the high-powered investment company he worked at had gone bust, and people had begun to be laid off. And Osamu, despite being a hard worker and one of the higher-ups, was one of those people. And that was when it all started to crumble.

"Daddy was sad about that. He worked very hard, because working hard is the only way that you can succeed at anything, he said. But his working hard didn't help him. So he was sad, and had nothing to do. And Daddy isn't good at being sad, or at being bored. " Rinka told Chiba during one interview.

And her assessment was right. Osamu Asano did not know how to be sad, how to deal with not having a successful job. How to deal with setbacks, in other words. To him, this one event was one that spelt the end of everything. And so gradually he became angrier, less kind, more like the father whose legacy he had once tried so hard to shake off. He became more easily enraged with the ordinary human foibles of his children-children who gradually became withdrawn and unhappier in school-, spent ages searching for jobs and going to interviews and networking events, becoming more and more angry and desperate with each failure-and took it out on Haruka. Haruka, his pretty, sweet, supportive wife, who he had once publicly proclaimed to be his rock. At first, it seemed she had tried to just deal with it, believing that her husband would return to who he had been once, but eventually it got so bad that she began to make plans to leave him, and take the children with her. When it got to the point that she feared for her children's safety, her plans moved from abstract to concrete, according to her bereaved parents. She started packing, looked into different schools-she even looked into changing their names, and getting a divorce. But unfortunately, Osamu found out, and considered this to be another of his own failures.

And Osamu did not like to be a failure, nor did he like to be reminded of his failures. This was both, and so his solution was to erase any traces of this failure. Which, though he had not said anything as such or left any notes, apparently this translated to killing all his family, and then doing the same to himself. And he waited to do this on the day they had chosen to actually leave. Haruka and Hiroto had been killed as they tried to make it down the stairs, Hinano trying to protect her two younger siblings, and Kouko and Rinka while they tried to hide. Kouki had not made it to a hiding place, however, and he was found in the bathroom. Only Rinka had survived in the end, aided by a big sister who'd had to make a tragic choice as to who to attempt to shield. But even she had not escaped completely unscathed.

And this, more than the other facts that they amassed over the course of the investigation, was the one thing that stayed with Chiba.

 **…**

"I'm sorry I screamed, Detective." Rinka said as soon as he came in to the hospital room that day. Quizzically, he tipped his head to the side as he sat down beside her bed.

"What do you mean?"

Rinka blushed, the red harsh against her complexion, and she averted her still-pretty eyes. There was a teddy bear sitting on the bed next to her, one that looked new. She grabbed it and squeezed it as she explained what she meant in a stilted, embarrassed tone.

"Screaming. When you rescued me. I shouldn't have, that was rude." She bit her lip, and looked him in the eye. "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be. You were hurting, and you were scared. "He told her.

"But it was childish of me. That was bad of me to do." She said, almost sing-song. As if she was parroting the scolding that someone else had once given her. _You poor thing._

"You're a child! You're meant to be childish." Chiba blurted out, taken aback. This surprised Rinka, and this clearly showed. But quickly, she became offended.

"But I'm a big girl! I'm _seven_!" she declared, glaring as she held up seven fingers. "I'm in first grade and everything."

Stifling a laugh, Chiba nodded soberly and apologised. Rinka scrutinised him, and accepted the apology. Then, the mood in the room dulled immediately, as she seemed to remember something.

"My little brother was supposed to start school this year. Before things went bad, Daddy took him to get his backpack. It looks just like mine, but it's black because he's a boy. I went with them. We brought a keyring for him to put on it, so he knows it is his. It looked like those movie things that they snap and scream 'CUT' with when they film something wrong, because he likes movie things. He's supposed to start first grade this year…."

"Rinka-Chan…."

"I thought adults knew how to do everything and anything." She continued, blinking rapidly, trying to push back tears. "Why didn't Daddy know how to be sad and how to stop being sad? Did you manage to find that out, Detective?"

Chiba gasped before he could hold it back. He hesitated, and Rinka picked up on the hesitation, for the tears she had been trying to hold back spilled down her face, and angrily, she tried to wipe at them, as if trying to blot them from existence. It occurred to Chiba that in a way, Rinka did not know how to be sad either. And that made him sad. _So, what do I say to this child that'll help her?_

Carefully, he leaned over and put a hand over her tiny fists, stopping her from scrubbing at her face. Astounded, she stopped and looked at him. He did not say anything, but instead just maintained eye contact the best that he could (especially given he had sunglasses on). Rinka returned the contact in kind, not even slightly put off. Just like when they had first met. Eventually, she took a few deep breaths and managed to calm herself, and he eased back again.

"Perhaps he didn't know that it was alright to be sad in the first place. You know it's okay, don't you?"

Rinka frowned, too seriously, then eventually nodded slowly.

"I guess." She pouted. "But it feels a bit embarrassing, a little."

"And that's okay too."

"It is?"

Chiba nodded as sincerely as he could. In truth, he wasn't sure. What was right in this sort of situation? He had no real experience of children, apart from talking to other colleagues about their own little ones, so he didn't know if he was helping or harming. But at the same time, he believed what he said, and he didn't want to wrong her by lying. So he persisted, anyway.

"Of course it is. "He told her. She regarded him again suspiciously, but eventually, something in her relaxed, and her death grip on the teddy bear loosened. He waited patiently, and continued to watch her carefully as a million tiny, fleeting expressions danced and disappeared across her face.

And then, for the first time since he had met her, she smiled.

 **…**

Given the circumstances of the case, it was one that got solved and shut very quickly, and all involved on the case put it aside and got on with their lives. Except for Chiba. Of course, he got on with his life, worked with Yada and Fuwa on newer cases, occasionally going down to the pub with old high school friends in the evenings, visiting the library reading up on architectural wonders in long-forgotten kingdoms on empty afternoons, and carried on with all the other little details of his life. But he continued to visit Rinka and chat with her, initially in the hospital and then later in the foster home she was assigned to once released. Though looking for relatives to take her was a responsibility now fully passed onto Social Services, he kept himself in the loop on that, so determined he was to do right by her.

Many times, he considered putting himself forward for that sort of responsibility, considered the possibility of bringing her up as his own. But though he considered himself responsible, and cared for her deeply, he knew it wouldn't happen. As a thirty-year-old homicide detective living alone in a small flat that he sometimes went days on end without inhabiting, he knew that he was not the stable parental type that a child-let alone one who had been through what Rinka had been through-needed. It didn't stop him from imagining it, however. And it did not stop him from starting to consider her a friend, and later, in an odd way, an equal.

One such day that hammered this feeling in was when he was visiting her in her foster home. They had been talking about something trivial, like the characters in a comic series her foster mother had given to her when she suddenly asked about his service pistol as they sat in the living room.

"Can I see it? Your gun?"

Chiba hesitated, even as he reached for it. _Is this appropriate?_

"Why do you want to see it, Rinka-Chan?"

"I just do." She replied, a little defensive. She glared at him in that way that always made him want to laugh, though of course, he did not. Instead, he just carefully pulled it out and held it in his hands. Even with his doubts, his instincts told him as long as he was careful, it would be fine.

"Don't pick it up." He told her, not wanting any accidents happening, especially ones he could have prevented.

"Detective, I'm not _stupid_." Rinka told him with all the world-weariness of a seven-year-old. But she didn't even look at him, so focussed that she was on the gun. Carefully, she brushed her finger along the barrel, and her forehead puckered as she studied it. Eventually though, she looked up at him.

"Was this the same type of gun as my Daddy's?" she asked.

"No. This type is specifically issued to people on the police force. And your father wasn't a policeman."

"I see." Rinka said, blandly. She looked down at it again, then straightened. Carefully, she touched the area of her stomach where she had been shot.

"If you had been there with that while Daddy was hurting us, would you have shot back?"

"I…well….most likely, yes. If I thought it would save you all." _You, especially,_ he thought, ignoring the sad guilt he felt for thinking it, so used he was to it. Rinka nodded soberly, and sighed.

"Okay. I think maybe I'd do the same. "She said. "If I had one. "

"I can understand that. Though, it's always scary when someone is firing at you. Even if you've got a gun yourself."

"Is that how you feel, when you have to shoot at a bad guy, Detective?" she asked.

"I suppose so, yes."

"But you do it for good reasons though! Right? To save people."

"That's usually the aim, yes."

"Right. Okay." There was a silence for a moment. Chiba discreetly put his gun back where it had been, but Rinka caught the motion and watched carefully. It was hard to tell what she was thinking, but she was clearly trying to hold a lot of emotion in, so he put a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly. _Brave, sweet child, it's okay now. It is, I promise._

"Mhm." She nodded vigorously. Then, she paused and considered. "Or I will be. I hope."

"I hope so too." _I know so, actually._

"That's good." She informed him gravely. Then, she picked up an abandoned picture book and shoved it at him with a small smile on her face.

"Will you read this to me, Detective?"

"Of course."

He opened the book to the first page, waited for Rinka to get settled , and then started the story.

 **…**

"Are you Detectives Chiba and Yada?"

The smooth, melodious voice stopped the conversation that the two of them were having in Chiba's office, and they both looked to the door, where a redheaded man stood watching them, a woman standing next to him. Chiba didn't know him, but he was the spitting image of Osamu Asano. Even six months later, he remembered that face intimately, and so he recoiled, thinking instantly of Rinka, still recuperating in the foster home. Yada had a similar reaction, but as it was not as emotionally charged, she was quickly able to school her face into a calmer expression as she stepped forward.

"Yes, we are. I'm Yada, that's Chiba. Who are you?"

The man studied both of them, and then smiled, somewhat bitterly. His gold eyes had an indescribable emotion contained within them. The woman, sweet but shy-looking with deep purple hair, watched them all warily.

"I'm Akane Akabane." He told them. "Although it's more helpful to you to know that I'm Osamu's illegitimate brother. We've just heard what happened to him, and his family, and that one of the children survived, so we came to inquire and found out that you two were the investigators, so we came to see you."

"I'm Mami Akabane." The woman supplied hesitantly at this point. Chiba nodded at her, but stared at the man. The hair and eye colour were completely different, but his resemblance in terms of physical features was so marked he didn't doubt that they were related. But that begged the question of why it had taken so long for him to turn up. _Also….Akane? Really? He has to be making that up!_

"It's taken you a while to get here." Chiba stated neutrally.

"Yes, well…." Akane shrugged. "We were only ever half-brothers, not full ones. I'm six months older, so basically good ol' Father Manabu cheated on his wife while she was pregnant. And then he didn't want to acknowledge me, and so we only found out about each other when we were in our twenties. And Osamu was….a honour-bound perfectionist, so while he didn't want to completely cast me aside because of the blood connection, he didn't like the reminder that his father wasn't the model of perfection he had forced Osamu to be…so it was not as if we were in constant contact. That, and we don't even live in Kunugigaoka Town. "

"But we're here now." Mami spoke up. "And we know that one of his children needs a family. If….if we were found suitable, we'd be willing to take up that responsibility. We've got the room, and the money…and the willingness to try."

"I…I see." _But is that good enough?_

"Really, you'd need to ask Social Services about that." Yada said. "It's not our jurisdiction, deciding who gets custody of Rinka Asano, but we can help you out there. Detective Chiba is best placed for that, actually, because he's struck up a friendship with her. "

"Oh, really?" both Akane and Mami asked, the former raising an eyebrow while the latter took the statement at face value, seeming rather pleased by the fact.

"Well, I guess so." He said neutrally. He was still reeling, but made an effort to pull himself together. "I'll help you in that case. Do you have a number and address for where you're staying?"

"Sure, of course." Mami was the first to respond, and took out a pen and napkin from her handbag, and scribbled the name and number for a hotel not too far from the police station. Akane just waited while she handed it to Chiba.

"Thank you. I'll contact you." He said, neutral. Akane studied him levelly, and then smiled.

"Very well then. We'll see ourselves out then. Right, Mami?"

"Uh, yeah! Sure."

The couple left, and Chiba and Yada stared for a while. Eventually, Chiba sighed and leaned back in his chair. _Oh gosh._ Yada studied him thoughtfully as she leaned against his desk.

"You're more attached to that kid than I thought, Chiba-kun." It wasn't a question.

"I suppose I am." He said. "I suppose I am. But I won't make things difficult for them, if they want to take her. As long as they're the right people to look after her."

Yada nodded slowly at that.

"It's still going to be hard for you, isn't it? When that time comes. "

Chiba didn't even need to answer that one, and so he didn't. Yada studied him again, and then shook her head almost imperceptibly, clapped and changed the subject.

"Right then! What were we talking about again?"

"This." He told her, pointing to the relevant case file. Almost immediately, they were able to pick off where they had left off, and the Akabane couple were pushed to the back of his mind.

But he didn't forget them, for two weeks later, he took them over to see Rinka, accompanied by her social worker. Rinka's foster mother sat with them too. The social worker introduced the Akabanes to Rinka, but unlike any of the adults in the room, she had no issue with saying what she thought of the male Akabane's first name.

"Akane is a _girl's name_. "She informed him sceptically. "Are you actually real?"

"Rinka!" the social worker gasped. Chiba stifled a giggle, but Akane openly laughed at that.

"Oh I'm real alright. I just had a mother with a funny sense of humour. Something to do with my hair being red- so I am a red-feathered deep red person." He joked.

"….That makes no sense. But okay. Nanako-san said that you're daddy's brother. But I don't know you."

"We did meet you once, actually, Rinka-Chan." Mami put in at this point. "But you were just a little baby. We have a photograph. Do you want to see?"

Rinka looked around at all of them doubtfully, her gaze stopping on Chiba. He nodded at her, and so she turned back to Mami and nodded.

"Okay then."

Mami took a photo album out of her bag, and flipped it to the page that she had marked with a piece of paper, and opened it to show to Rinka, who looked at the image of herself as a baby.

"Oh. That really is me. I don't remember you though. Do you have more photos? Of Onii-Chan, and Onee-Chan, and Mummy and Daddy?"

"Sure! I think we have a few."

Most of the visit was spent looking through this photo album, with Rinka asking the occasional question about what they remembered about her family. She still seemed to regard Akane as something from another planet, but his constant jokes and off-beat comments made her laugh. Mami, for her part, was gentle and kind, and incredibly patient. And neither of them tried to patronise her, which he appreciated. _Which makes them right for her._

"So, what did you think of them?" Chiba asked her an hour later, when they had already left and he was about to leave himself. She sat on the step, staring at his shoes for a moment, before looking up.

"I think I like them. But Akane-san is really weird. Just like his name. But I like them a lot."

"That's good." He told her. And thought it hurt, he meant it.

 **…**

Things proceeded surprisingly quick after that, and it wasn't long before Rinka was packing up to go and live with the Akabanes. They still had yet to formally adopt her, but they had been allowed custody of her, which more or less meant she would soon be becoming an Akabane. And that Chiba would most likely never see her again. It was a fact which made him sad, but he did his best to hide it as he continued to visit her. On the day she left with the Akabanes, he took a day off work and came to see her off, reassuring her that all would be fine, helping load the suitcases and giving her a gift of a beautiful new stationary set, decorated with images of dancing princesses. He also gave her his address, and as she climbed into the car Akane was driving, she gravely promised to write to him, and hopefully to visit.

And write, she did. She never did come back to visit her hometown (and Chiba didn't blame her), but over the years, the letters grew more frequent. At times, he found it hard to keep up, but he did his best , and enjoyed her steady stream of letters. His life had picked up more or less where it had left off before her case, but he found himself appreciating his life all the more, because of having the letters to look forward to. He would much rather have had the chance to see her grow, to be there with her as she grew up from extraordinary little girl to extraordinary young woman, but he made do with the letters-and indeed, they were so much more than a consolation prize. He kept them all in a safe place, and would often go back to re-read them if he was in the middle of a bad case and needed a reason to go on. Reading the details of her life-whether it was how she joined a dance club in middle school and won a competition with them or the antics of the family dog- never failed to make him smile. And so, if a letter came in for him just as he was about to go to work, he would always tuck it into his pocket and save it for when he got in.

This is what he did on the day he died, thirteen years after he had first met her. It was a day just like any other, and so he acted as if it was any other day, and when he saw the letter on his doormat, picked it up and put it in his jacket pocket before leaving the house and driving to work, looking very much forward to reading it (much as he always did), and wondered what it would say. He didn't notice the lorry swerve unexpectedly and block most of the road until it was far too late.

And so, he didn't get a chance to read the letter.

 **…**

 _Dear Detective Chiba,_

 _This isn't a reply to your last letter. I'll get to that soon though, so your questions will be answered (but here's the answer to one: WE WON!). But I had something important to tell you, so I decided to focus on that instead. I just hope this reaches you quickly._

 _All these years, I didn't forget that I said that I would come back and visit. Akane-san and Mami-san reminded me occasionally, but really, I had remembered all along. But I had too many bad memories attached to that place. Even though I know that logically, Kunugigaoka Town was not to blame for what Daddy did to me in our old home, my mind made that association, and the idea gave me nightmares. And so I broke that promise to you, and that must have hurt you awfully. You come off as a good person in these letters we exchange, and I remember you as one too. Though you clearly had no idea how to deal with a traumatised little girl, you never patronised me or tried to hide things from me, and I felt myself a little braver just from talking to you. I always looked forward to those visits from you, you know? I think I trusted you more than the social workers and everyone-even Nanako-san, and she was a perfectly good foster mother, I know that much-and you were certainly my favourite person from that time. And yet, leaving with Akane-san and Mami-san and not looking back is how I repaid you for that kindness._

 _I am so, so sorry about that, Detective. I really am. But I know words aren't always enough, so I'd like to ask if it's okay if we meet again? I'd like the chance to. Of course, I'm going to turn twenty soon, so I don't think I'll be the same person you remember in real life, and neither will you, I guess. But I'd like to see you again. But as soon as possible._

 _Because, you see, I am dying._

 _As you might remember, Daddy left me with only one kidney. This would have been fine, and it has been for all this time, but I recently contracted kidney failure, and though I am on dialysis, I am getting sicker. I don't think there is a miracle around the corner waiting for me though. In fact, I know it. But there is so much more I want and need to do before I meet my end-though really, I like to think that so far, my life has been a good one, despite what happened back then. I've certainly had a whole lot to write about, that's for sure!_

 _But as I said, there is a lot I still need to get done, and there are two main ones I can think of. One of those is attending my coming-of-age. And the other, of course, is to see you, one more time. Because of what you meant to me, and how much you made a difference to me, it scares me that I could leave this world without ever, ever getting that chance. It's probably selfish, all things considered, but I think you said to me once that sometimes it's okay to be. That it's okay to be sad. And I'm pretty sad about things as they stand right now. And I'd like to be happy, even if for one last time._

 _I'm not sure what else to say about this, really, so I will stop here. I hope you're doing well, Detective, and I will reply to your other letter as soon as I can. Or perhaps, if you are willing, I will be able to tell you these things in person._

 _With love,_

 _Rinka Akabane._

* * *

 **OH MY GOSHHHH I didn't mean for this chapter to end up at almost 9000 words. I apologise for that. I will try to keep chapters at like 5000-6000 words or slightly over, but yeah...it's hard. I mean, with this one, I had to cut out so much, and this is quite literally the bare minimum of what I thought it was needed to tell the story of this particular life of theirs.**

 **But anyway, as you can see, I'm having a lot of fun figuring out AU roles for all the characters, especially the other 3E side members. All of Chiba and Hayami's other lives in this are planned already, but a lot of the other character's AU versions are probably going to be improvised as I write, lol. As an aside, though I think they're fairly obvious anyway, can you spot the AUs of the other characters?**

 **Anyway, before I sign out...**

 **Replies to Guest Reviews:**

 **Read and Read- Thank you! If you do buy 'Midwinterblood', I am sure you will enjoy it. At least, I hope you will. And of course I will update ^^**

 **((As always, I hope you are enjoying this, and do leave me feedback!))**


	3. Wartime

_Wartime  
1940_

 _Split-second Mercy_

* * *

The noises near the other end of the forest had him standing to attention, but he did not move straight away. It was impossible for him to know what it was, and until he got a better bead on the situation, it would probably be best to stay where he was. Still, he kept a careful grip on his weapon, ready to fire at any moment, waiting for the moment where he would need to fire back with all he had.

But the moment did not come.

Instead, the sounds of a scuffle- as if one person was struggling against the grip of another-came closer and closer, and it wasn't long before he recognised the footfalls of his fellow soldiers, and he stood up to see what was going on.

He wasn't sure what to make of seeing two of them half dragging, half hauling a slight, fully clothed figure across the forest.

"Oi, Yotsuba, watch our backs, won't you?" One of them barked. "We need to take this guy back to base, and we don't want him to escape."

He studied the person, but the large black hood obscured his face, though Yotsuba was able to catch a glimpse of a reddish-orange lock of hair. _A civilian, then._

"Ah….Ah. Sure, Terayama." Confused, Yotsuba just went around so he was behind them, and followed them as they walked, gun firmly in his hands, just as he did when he went on a patrol. He frowned at the back of the stranger that they were taking back. Whoever he was , the curve of his back, and the way he still tried to keep his head straight and looking ahead even as he was being dragged, made him seem so incredibly young, though of course, there was no way for him to know that.

"So…erm….how….." he trailed off in the middle of his question. How to ask 'where did he come from', when the stranger was right there, in front of him?

"Tch, we don't know either. But he was on base, and nearly ambushed us, if it wasn't for that fact that the squirt here sensed his presence."

Yotsuba looked to the third soldier with them, the delicate seeming one who, like him, had only just come of age when the war had come. Because of his slight frame and sweet face, the rest of their regiment often called him a 'squirt', but he had better instincts than most of them put together. For the first time, Yotsuba noticed that the solider was holding weapons in addition to his own, ones of an unfamiliar make.

"A foreigner? How did a foreigner…?"

"Hopefully, once we get him in, we can find out. "The other soldier-Yoshida- holding on to the stranger barked out, pulling at the stranger's arm forcefully.

"You hear that? Whoever the hell you are, we'll find out." Terayama added harshly, aiming a kick at the stranger's leg. He stumbled a bit, which caused both Terayama and Yoshida to harshly tug him upwards again and let out a volley of threats, but did not complain, and just trudged on. _Does he understand what they're even saying?_

"I'll go on ahead and let the commanders know what's going on. "The 'squirt' said as they approached the base, rushing off to do just that, gripping the foreign rifle before any of them said anything.

Terayama and Yoshida stopped at the entrance, relaxing their stance, waiting for the next instructions, and grumbling a little to each other as they did so. Yotsuba did not join in, and so he noticed the small, small movements that the stranger was making, as if scoping out the situation he was now in. Tense, Yotsuba watched, and made sure he had his handgun. _Should I say something, or is it nothing? But then again, he's most probably a threat to the country, and we're supposed to be protecting it…._

All of a sudden, the stranger aimed a kick between Yoshida's legs as he turned his head away for a second, and startled, he nearly folded in half, allowing the stranger to escape his grip. Without bothering to look back to see what had become of him, the stranger then tried to pull away at Terayama, kicking and pummelling as much as he could.

"Hey!" Yoshida barked out.

"Shit, why did you let go of hi-? Crap, what a dirty fighter you are, huh?"

Being the absolute monolith that he was, Terayama initially had the upper hand, using both hands to restrain the stranger, his iron grip no doubt causing immense pain. Yotsuba caught a glimpse of a mouth twisted in a grimace, and dirt across cheeks as the stranger writhed and bucked, ready to make a break for it, when suddenly, he lowered his hooded head to one of Terayama's hands. Yotsuba didn't understand until Terayama let go of the stranger violently, with an almighty yowl.

"What the hell, he _bit_ me! Somebody grab that git and knock him out!" Terayama rubbed at his hand.

Other soldiers who had been on the base came out, all watching curiously, though many had weapons at the ready. The stranger sprawled across the ground, and rolled a few centimetres before sitting up, all while pulling something from inside his black boots. The action made the hood the stranger wore fall back, and Yotsuba saw more of the vibrant hair he'd previously caught a glimpse of fall out, long and tangled and flowing, and a realisation hit him.

 _Wait…what?_

He had no time to think about that, however, as the stranger was getting up, gripping knives in both hands, ready to charge at Terayama and Yoshida again. So instead, he reached forward, grabbed the stranger's shoulder with one hand, and shoved the barrel of his handgun into the stranger's head.

"Don't move." He said, quietly and calmly. "Don't move."

The stranger disobeyed him, but not to attack. Instead, the stranger turned to look at him with oddly beautiful eyes, like cut gems, and her lips curled. _Hers_ , not his, because it turned out that the stranger was female. She'd had the hood up, and the rest of her clothes disguised her figure, but looking at her now, with her dirty face exposed, it seemed so incredibly obvious that she was a girl, and that floored him.

Yet, at the same time, he couldn't understand why that mattered.

 **…**

"What's your name? Who are you working for? Who sent you here? Why here, specifically? What, exactly, is your objective?"

The commander had been yelling the questions at the stranger for a good 10 minutes or so, sometimes just sitting in the chair opposite her, arms crossed, other times leaning over the table, leaning into her personal space, trying to rattle her into answering. But it wasn't working, because she just sat there and stared at them, bright eyes wild but still at the same time. Sure, her knuckles were white from gripping the sides of the chair she had been placed on, and her expression couldn't be mistaken for anything but fear (though it was mixed in with disgust, too). But she refused to bow to their demands, to give in to them.  
Yotsuba wondered if she was quietly planning another escape attempt. But he doubted it. After all, the room they were all in was a basement room, and she didn't know their base at all, to be able to get out once she had wriggled out of their grip. Plus, any weapons she'd had had now been taken from her. He knew, because he had been the one to search her for any more, after catching her.

 _Where did you come from? Are you scared? Were you scared?_ These were the questions Yotsuba wanted to ask her, questions that ran through his head as he stood on the side, slightly behind her, ready to move if she did end up trying to do something. Not that he thought she would answer these questions-after all, to her, _he_ was the enemy- but all the same, he wondered what would happen if they approached her with compassion, and not intimidation. _But either way, I'd like to know-who are you?_ In this, he figured that he had something in common with his superiors.

"Ah now, Commander Karasuma, slow down a little. If she's foreign, she won't understand what we're saying if you speak so fast."

The other commander cut in unexpectedly, startling them all. He hadn't said anything all this time. Instead, he had been watching and studying. And all the time, he was calm. He looked at the stranger, and smiled at her. Though his words seemed kind, and his expression was serene, Yotsuba wasn't fooled. Where his first commander was blunt, straightforward and more than a little brusque, this one was colder, slicker and found it much, much, easier to pretend, to twist things to his liking. On the outside, he seemed charming, but in truth…well, Yotsuba just kept his head down, minimised his interactions with him, and got on with things. This was a war, after all. A war against the world. Of course it required doing things like this.

"So then, young lady. "the second commander said carefully, keeping his voice calm, enunciating his words. "Will you tell us your name, and who sent you here?"

The stranger did not respond, though her eyebrow twitched, presumably at being called 'young lady'. She also lowered her gaze a little, clearly not wanting to look at them anymore. This did not deter him, however.

"What. Is. Your. Name?"

"Answer him!" Commander Karasuma cut in; since it was clear he had no time for pandering to the quirks of this stranger. The stranger looked up again, and scanned the room, studying the two commanders sitting opposite her, Yoshida keeping watch at the door, glaring viciously (though given the injuries she'd inflicted on both him and Terayama, this was understandable). And then him. Yotsuba tried not to flinch as she studied him carefully, but there was something in her eyes that flickered when she looked at him that made him want to…do _something_. For her, not to her.

"No."

It took a moment for them to realise that the word had come from her. But it had, and now she had clammed up again as she glared, defiant. Karasuma and the other commander exchanged a look.

"Ah, so you understand us." The second commander spoke. "Are you Japanese? Or did whoever you are working for teach you, so that you could get to us?"

"Why should I tell you that?" her voice was quiet and thick, but clear and mature, too. And if she was foreign, her accent did not seem to betray that fact. And he found it enchanting, oddly so. The type of voice that could lull him to sleep at night. The type he'd want to wake up to. _Get a grip on yourself._

"Oho, that's how you're going to play things?" the second commander seemed amused. "Well, you know, young lady, it happens to be you who is at the disadvantage right at this moment. "

The stranger huffed an angry puff of air, and rolled her eyes. Then, she turned to look at Yotsuba. Again, he had to try not to flinch, not just because of the flicker in her eyes when she looked at him, but because of the way the others in the room seemed interested in the way she was looking at him too. The moment stretched out, thin and painful. Neither commander said anything, though they were poised and ready. But still, the moment stretched, and Yotsuba wondered if the stranger had lapsed back into her silence when she spoke, again. And this time, the words were directed straight at him.

"You're not like the others, are you? You're not the same as them."

 **…**

 _"_ _You're not like the others, are you? You're not the same as them."_

Over the next few days, Yotsuba mulled over these words. As soon as she had said them, the commanders had decided to end the interrogation, and Yoshida had handcuffed her, muttering a few choice words to her as he did so. And then, they had left. But of course, it hadn't been the end. They went back, again and again, trying to get answers and not getting them.

Mostly, the commanders tried to handle her by themselves, with only a couple of soldiers waiting outside the small room, by the door. But other times, they made Yotsuba come, figuring that perhaps because of how she'd tried to taunt him, he might help to loosen her tongue. This, of course, they complemented with intimidation tactics and rough-handling that eventually tipped over into something more than that. Many times, held her shoulders so that she couldn't fight back as she was punched and kicked and attacked. And though he did not ask them to stop, did not step up and say no, this is wrong, even though in his mind he rationalised it as being for the greater good of their country, his hands somehow always seemed to shake whenever he had to restrain her, and he took no pleasure from doing it. For some reason, he felt sick in his heart after any such interrogation. So in that sense, he knew full well that he was not like the others.

But there was another sense in which Yotsuba was not like the others- he didn't want to be here in the first place. Everyone, even the little delicate one-whose name turned out to be Ushio- had signed up eagerly, willingly, happy to serve the country, happy to put themselves at risk for the greater cause. But not him. He might have taken easily to firearms, but once, he had wanted to be an architect. He wanted to design homes, hospitals, other buildings. He had not wanted to destroy anything, but to create. And he had been studying to do just that when the war had been announced, and then as he was a young and healthy man, there had been pressure on all sides to go. And so, he had. He loved his country, he had no problem with the sentiment of doing what was right. He had been lucky to be assigned to this base, which did not see the worst of the line of fire and which dealt with training and intelligence operations, more than anything, and he had been lucky to have the skills that made the mechanics of war easier. As an adult, he was also able to accept that in desperate times-this was a war, after all-people needed to do things they would not have done otherwise. But he most definitely did not want to be here.

And it had taken the stranger, this girl, to make him realise it. Every time he went into an interrogation and stood by as they attempted to beat the answers out of her, every time her odd, beautiful eyes flickered when they looked at him, the odd feeling he got when she did this. The stranger made him realise this fact, that he was not like the others. But it was not like he could do anything about it. Just hope that the war would end soon, so that he could return to the world.

And of course, he hoped that something would give, so that the world would go easier on her.

 **…**

The few days turned into a week, and the week went past, and efforts got more dramatic as they tried to get some kind of information out of her. They stripped her of her clothes, leaving her only in enough to protect her modesty-which was not the same thing as protecting her from the cold (and that interrogation room that she was locked up in was very, very cold). Where they had put a basic futon in the room-they didn't have proper cells at their base-so she could sleep, they took it away, so she had to sleep on the floor. They decreased her food allowance and increased the intensity of her questioning. They hurt her more badly, so that scars started to form on her exposed limbs and body. But she did not say anything, at all. Apart from the occasional 'no', she was silent. And so there was much discussion about what to do with her. Whether to send her elsewhere, such as a prison camp, or to keep her there indefinitely, and try to torture the information out of her until she died. Yotsuba was not involved in these discussions, though he still went to 'help' with the interrogations, and he knew full well it was because of the 'you're not the same as them' comment. Though nobody ever mentioned it. But all the same, the rumours filtered through the base, and so he sometimes ended up in conversation about them.

"She's probably regretting ever trying to get in here." Ushio mused one day. "Especially if they're threatening her with the prisoner-of-war camps."

Yotsuba said nothing, and waited for Ushio to explain it. Though he sort of knew, anyway.

"She won't get out of one of those alive. They work the prisoners really hard there, right to the bone. And of course there isn't enough food to go around, so if they don't collapse from overwork, then they'll starve to death. Either way, it's worse, and painful."

"Ah. Not a place anyone would want to be. Sounds inhuman."

"It is." Yotsuba hadn't expected Ushio to agree so readily, and so he stared. Ushio caught this surprise and laughed, ruefully, though his face remained serious.

"Of course it is. But war is inhuman, after all, and these people are making it worse. It's not a fate I would wish on anyone, but still. What else can you do?"

 _What else, indeed?_ Yotsuba just nodded at that, but the snippet of the conversation sparked something. An idea. But one so terrible he could not think of it, not really, and so he squashed it deep at the back of his mind, and carried on as usual. But he started to think about how to get into the room alone, without being seen. And on an old scrap of paper from a magazine that had been in a care package, he started to plan this route.

Then, he got an unexpected bit of help from the second commander himself, who suddenly told him that he should start going in there from time to time, try and soften the stranger up, since she 'seemed to have taken to him'. Yotsuba took that offer, though he tried not to seem too eager about it. The aim was for him to try and 'talk' to her, get the answers they needed through conversation, hoping that the veering unpredictability between his apparent kindness and the interrogations would make something give.

The trouble was, none of them knew that any kindness he showed to her would be more than apparent. But it was, and so he just nodded at the orders and pretended that he had tried them with no result. What he did instead were little things. He snuck little bits of food to her, and checked over her injuries. He asked how she was, though it was a stupid thing to ask, all things considering. Of course, she did not say anything in return, though she did thank him. And in this way, he felt that he was making progress. And he started to revise the plan he had been making in his head, thinking that perhaps he could engineer a happier ending.

But of course, that was not to be.

 **…**

She was sitting on the floor, pulling her vest back on when he arrived that night, and she stopped midway when she saw him. Her eyes were dull, but again, they flickered when she recognised him.

"Your turn, is it?" she asked, a tiny tremor of disappointment in her voice, even as her lip curled. His heart clenched, and he averted his eyes as he quietly closed the door part-way and then knelt down.

"No. Put these on." The words came out harsher than he meant as he put the pile of clothes down.

He had not been able to find her old clothes, but then again, he had not been able to search too hard for fear of suspicion, so in the end, he had filched some of Ushio's spares, including a pair of boots. He hoped that he'd be able to forgive him. But he also hoped that Ushio had not been one of the ones who had gone to have his way with the stranger. They had not been able to sit and have a conversation over the past few days, so he didn't know for sure. He had no idea who had. But he knew he hadn't, and wouldn't. _But this is why I have to do this._

"Do…you need help?" he asked when she kept staring at the pile. She shook her head, and robotically reached out to pick up the trousers, and moved to a kneeling position. He turned his back so that she could change, and though the time ticked on, heavy, he didn't turn back around until she cleared her throat.

"What…what's going on?" she asked, studying him. His heart clenched again. _Is this right? Is it?_

"We're…we're going. Out." He managed. "I…we need to be quiet, and careful. Can you stand?"

"I can stand." And she did, carefully, wincing with each movement, but soon, she was standing straight. Looking him in the eyes. "Where are we going?"

Instead of answering her, he asked her a different question, needing to know the answer so very desperately.

"Could you at least tell me your name? "

She opened her mouth to say something, but then choked back the sound, and thought for a moment.

"Karin." She eventually said. It sounded like a lie, but he nodded. _Karin._

"Okay then. Let's go then, quickly."

Karin asked no questions as carefully, he led her out of the room and out of the building, using the route he had figured out over the past few weeks, and they headed towards the forest, and into it. It occurred to him that the forest was where she had been found, and he wasn't sure if that made this current situation a perfect sort of symmetry or a bitter irony. But in the end, it was going to end in the same way, so he supposed it didn't matter.

When he decided that they had gone far enough, he stopped, and turned to her. She stopped and watched him. The moonlight filtered between the trees, bright enough that it made her clear to him, and through the dirt and the pain and the mismatched clothes, he saw how pretty she was. Of course, with that long flame hair and those eyes, he had known this from the start, but now it hit him, hard. Mixed in with the anger and the contempt he had for the commanders and his fellow soldiers, there was jealousy, because she was pretty. But it was not a simple envy-if he was going to have her, he would have wanted her to want _him_ , too. For things to be consensual, both ways. And for them to have met in a time of peace, as normal people. As equals with a life ahead of them. _I am not like the others. I don't want this. I don't want to do this…._

"What are we doing?" Karin's question was delivered with a brutal matter-of-factness, and he gulped as he stared at her. _I need to hurry up._ Averting his eyes once again, he reached for the handgun strapped to his waist holster, and curled his hand around it. But he shook, and shook, and could not grip it properly. He took a deep breath, and another, and tried again, but again, he could not, and he cursed himself. And then stopped as he saw her hands reach for the gun herself, pulling it out with ease.

Astounded, he gaped at her as Karin weighed the gun in her hand for a moment, before handing it to him. He blinked for a moment, and then took it before meeting her eyes. He sucked in a breath, thrown. _She understands. What's going to happen. What I am about to do to her._

"You're not afraid." He said, dumbly, numb.

"Sacrifices have to be made in times such as this, don't they?" Karin responded. When he didn't say anything, she sighed, and closed her eyes for a moment.

"I knew that I'd probably die for this. Either way, I didn't expect to come out of it. And I knew it would not be a peaceful death. But I still….would have hoped for a death that was at least dignified. And I said, didn't I? You're not like the others. You're not the same as them. I could tell, when you caught me, all the times you stood by your superiors, the times you came in without them. And now."

It was the most that she had ever said, and it hit him hard, hard enough that he wasn't sure how he was still standing.

"I'm…I'm sorry, Karin."

"Don't be." She said, forceful but resigned. "It's better this way. That's why you planned this. I know."

Yotsuba gulped, and nodded as he raised the gun. She tilted her head, and smiled. It was the first time that he had seen that smile, and he had to remind himself to breathe. _Why? Why did we meet like this? Why did it have to be while the world is at war?_ He had to stop himself from breaking down as she grabbed the hand holding the gun, and put it to her head. Then, still holding his gaze, she let her hand fall back down to her side. He kept the gun in place, but still, he shook as he stared at her directly. _If I am going to kill you, then perhaps the least I can do is look you in the eyes._

"You should look at people like that more often." She murmured. He blinked at her, confused, but she didn't clarify, and just smiled at him again. But this time, it was sad, filled with unspeakable sorrow.

"Ah, well. I'll see you next time, then."

"Next time?" he was not sure he had heard her, but she nodded, once, firm.

"Yes, next time."

He did not understand what she meant, but he knew that this was it. The moment. The goodbye. And he really did hope that there would be a next time. Whatever that meant. So carefully, he put his free hand to her cheek-slowly, so she would not flinch- in a tender gesture. With the other hand, he steadied the gun.

"Y-Yeah. Next time. I'll see you next time."

And before he could waver anymore, he pulled the trigger.

Almost immediately, Karin crumpled, and he grabbed her body with both arms, his handgun slipping away on the ground. It clattered, but just as the forest seemed to have swallowed the sound of the bullet, so it swallowed this sound. He trembled, violently, filled with more feeling than he thought was even humanly possible. _So….this is what it is like. Shooting someone from close-up._ He allowed a tear to escape, then another, and another. This had not been in his plans for life, but of course, neither had the war. Hefting her body so that he could carry her more easily, he looked down at her. Though most of the back of her head had gone, her face was still intact (though bloodstained). She had closed her eyes, for which he was grateful. He was not sure he could have dealt with looking at her eyes and not seeing that flicker. _What was that flicker, anyway? What did it mean?_

Since he was never going to know, he just started to trudge away. He needed to find somewhere to bury her. And fast, too. He wasn't about to go back for a spade, as there was no way in hell he'd leave her body now. So he would have to just use his hands. Once he found a place, that was. And so, he trudged on, trying hard to not think of anything, especially not about Karin, Karin whose name was a lie, who didn't even had a chance, who…

Suddenly, he stopped, both physically and mentally. _Oh, oh no._ He stared at what was in front of him, and gulped. _I'm in trouble now._ For his part, the second commander smirked.

"Ah, Yotsuba-kun. Isn't this an interesting scenario you're in now?"

 **…**

"Can we not conduct this interrogation inside, the same way we would do with any other traitor?"

"Ah, Commander Karasuma, don't you see the futility of that? He's standing right there, holding the woman in his arms like she's his lover. And look at the state of them. It's fairly obvious what has happened. And so he needs to be punished here. "

"I agree, it's obvious, but…." Standing outside base, Karasuma looked out of his depth. Yotsuba was not about to help him by offering any ideas. Instead, holding Karin slightly tighter, he looked around. All the other soldiers had been called out, and now they all stared at him. Some with mild curiosity, others with flat-out astonishment (like Terayama and Yoshida), and others like Ushio appeared to be pitying him.

"Soldier, did you or did you not kill the woman?" Karasuma eventually asked him. _Karin._ Yotsuba thought about being defiant, as Karin had been, but in the end did not have the energy for it.

"I did, sir."

"And why would that be, young soldier? "The second commander asked expression and voice mocking. "Were you by any chance…jealous? That everyone else was getting a go at her, and you weren't, despite being so nice to her and all?"

"No." he answered, simply. He refused to explain to them, he did not think that they would understand, and they certainly did not deserve it. But he noticed Karasuma recoil a little, and he realised that this meant that he, at least, had not touched her like that. It only made him like him a tiny bit in that moment, though.

 _"_ _You should look at people like that more often."_

Her words ringing in his ears, he stared at both of his commanders, calm as he held Karin's body, which was slowly becoming cold, with every moment that passed, thin and painful. Eventually, though, the second commander smiled.

"You see, the circumstances are obvious. Nothing further needs to be asked. Now," unexpectedly, the second commander turned to face the rest of the soldiers. "Now, who wants to step up and do what needs to be done."

The commander pointed his own gun, and Yotsuba realised what he meant. They were going to kill him, right here and now. It struck him as a highly unusual thing to do, but then again, if he didn't realise by now that nothing was normal during wartime. Nothing was.

"Commander, his-"

"Ah, do not worry, Commander Karasuma. His family will be told he went missing in action, presumed dead. He isn't the first to do that and won't be the last. But there is no need to clarify what that means to them, no?"

"Yes. I understand." Karasuma looked like he would have preferred to be more conventional, interrogate him a bit more. But the second commander was right. This was a simple situation.

"Right then, soldiers!" he called out. "One of you has to step up. Who is prepared to do that?"

All the soldiers looked at each other uncertainly, none of them wanting to volunteer themselves for such a thing. Yotsuba was not sure whether to be grateful or resentful. But then a small but resonant voice spoke up.

"I will."

"Oh, good. Come forward then, soldier."

"Let this, the fate of your fellow soldier Ryuunosuke Yotsuba-kun, be an example to you all." The second commander addressed them all as Ushio stepped forward

Calmly, purposefully, he positioned himself in front of Yotsuba, a few feet away. He studied Karin, then looked to Yotsuba's face, frowning, before looking at the way he was holding her. For a moment, his big eyes got wider as he recognised his clothes, but then he returned to frowning. And then, Ushio nodded, gritting his teeth, as if he had come to a conclusion that he did not like. His delicate frame and sweet features had hardened, but still, there was a softness. And it occurred to Yotsuba that perhaps, to Ushio's mind, he was granting him a moment of mercy, by being the one to do this, instead of letting someone else who cared less to step up. A split-second moment of mercy. It was more or less what he had been trying to give to Karin. And now he was about to die, too. But he supposed then, that this meant he had succeeded.

So he did not flinch as Ushio pulled out his gun and loaded it, and did not flinch as he held it out and used his carefully honed instincts and skills to make sure it was in the exact position so that the bullet would go straight through his heart. He did not flinch at the smooth, matter-of-fact manner that Ushio soon took on. And he didn't flinch when Ushio pulled the trigger and the bullet did indeed fly and go straight through his heart.

In any case, what with everything else he felt, there was no time to feel the pain of that bullet before he could feel no more.

* * *

 **I think here is a good time to point out that I am not aiming to be historically accurate. I have done some (admittedly basic) research for various historical periods in Japan, so that at least the stories will slightly ring true. But they aren't meant to be an accurate portrayal of the eras that they take place in. So there will probably be a lot of details, in this and later chapters, that are a bit out-of-place and messed up because of that. I take responsibility for all such mistakes.**

 **Also, I am aware that this was a rather dark chapter. Others will be dark too, and the next one in particular will be a touch sordid, too. Do you think I should change the rating, or keep it as it is at the moment? I can't decide that.**

 **Anyway, as with the others, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, too, and I hope you will like the others as well. And of course, as always, do leave feedback!**

 **Replies to guest reviews:**

 **Guest (Chapter 2-An Innocent Time): Don't worry, I won't stop this story-I intend to see this through to the end. I'm happy you like it!**


	4. Desired Times

**Just want to point out I've changed the rating of this story. The reasons for these are pretty much the reasons I outlined in the author's note last chapter, but still, if you have any opinions on that, please tell me!**

* * *

 _Desired Times  
1903  
Green Eyes_

* * *

Midori had been trying her best to pretend that time wasn't slowly ticking away, but the brutal honesty of the clock on her wall made that impossibility. Looking at him, she wished it wasn't so. _But it is. This is how things always will be._

"Time's almost up, Ryuunosuke." She murmured, untangling her hand from his and sitting up. He sat up too, and looked at her.

"Over already? Really?" Ryuunosuke pushed his fringe aside to rub at his eyes, looking almost mournful. She stifled a laugh as she leaned over to kiss him, and smiled tenderly when they pulled apart. Noticing the pink stain of her lipstick on him, she used her thumb to wipe it off.

"Yes, really. You know the drill by now."

"Yeah, I do." He sighed, and reached for his clothes, heaped carelessly at the end of the bed, and began to put them back on again. Midori did the same with her own clothes, trying to be as slow as possible, hoping that maybe by the time that she was finished that they would be in a different life, one where their time together wasn't so restricted.

As she struggled with the sash of her gown, Ryuunosuke finished buttoning up his shirt, and came over to help, his fingers handling the material deftly. Then, once she had stood up so that he could adjust her skirts for her, he pointed to the chair that stood in the corner of the room, and she went and sat down with it. This, too, had become part of the drill, in a way. It was not every man who took pleasure in combing one's hair, and certainly not in the genuine way that Ryuunosuke had. _He's so young,_ she thought (not for the first time). _He shouldn't be in a place like this, with someone like me, not really…._

She thought these things as he continued working on her hair, half-listening to his murmurs, half ramblings about things in his life, half poetry. All things she enjoyed listening to. All things that served to remind her why he deserved better, and both why she wanted to keep seeing him, forever and ever, why she wished that the way they knew each other was a different one. She sighed, half-wistful, and then all of a sudden, her thoughts screeched to a halt at something that he had said.

"Who's Rinka?" she asked, pulling away from his hands and turning to regard him with a sudden suspicion. He looked at her blankly for a moment, and then inclined his head. A faint blush crept up his cheeks.

"You, of course."

This had _not_ been the answer she was expecting.

"But that isn't my name-"

"But neither is 'Midori', right? That's just the name you use here."

She blinked at this. He was right. Her real name, the name that had been given to her when she had been an infant nearly thirty years ago, innocent to the ways of the world, was one lost somewhere in the hazy fog of her memories, ones she did not care to look back at. She was Midori now, because of the colour of her eyes, because of how they were her unique feature, her selling point.

"Yes….but why 'Rinka'? Where did that come from?" She eventually responded. This was not the first time that he had surprised her in a good way, but this, to her, seemed the most astonishing of the surprises, by far.

Ryuunosuke fidgeted, and the blush on his cheeks became a little brighter.

"I don't know." He shrugged. "It's pretty, that's all. And it just kind of sounds like it should be your name….."

"Oh." She considered this, ignoring the warm, fluttery feeling spreading across her chest as she did so. _A name. He gave me a name. Rinka._ She turned the name over in her mind. It was pretty, she could agree with that. She liked how it sounded, especially in his mouth. And she could see its possibilities, could see how it would grow to fit her, to become hers. _Perhaps that's who I'd be, if we were in different circumstances._

"Perhaps you could use it here, when you're with me. A secret, if you will." She suggested, the warm feeling growing bigger when he smiled at the idea.

"That seems like a good idea to me….Rinka." He smiled, and then held up the hairbrush, and she settled back in the chair and allowed him to continue.

When they had finished, he picked up his jacket and shrugged it on, before digging into his pocket. Pulling out a wad of money, he carefully counted out what he needed, before putting the rest away. Then, he handed it to her. Silently, she took it and counted through, before nodding, and going over to put it all away, before coming back to see him out of the room.

"So then, I hope you'll be back soon." The same words, every time, delivered with the same matter-of-fact front she put up. _But each time, I mean it more._

"As soon as I possibly can." He promised. He gave her a long, long look, as if memorising her, before he slipped through the doorway and headed down the stairs, back to his real life. Midori sighed, and closed the door, and went back across the room to sit in the chair. She glared up at the clock. She could take a few minutes to pull herself together, and she would. She closed her eyes, intending just to relax herself, but all she could think of was Ryuunosuke, his mannerisms and words and the way he always, always managed to surprise her, provide a different view of the world. He was just meant to be a client, the same as any other, but he wasn't. He was far from that. He was careful, and thoughtful, and treated her like a person, not just an object of desire, even as he became more experienced. They talked, actually talked, and though she was woefully ignorant in comparison to him when it came to education, he did not seem to mind. Every one of the girls in this establishment had a favourite client, and he was hers. But over the six months in which he had been coming to her, he had become a lot more than that.

Because she was falling in love.

And she shouldn't be. She could never have an everyday life with him, what with her being what she was and him being a respectable twenty-something- _see, I don't even know his exact age, so get over yourself-_ with a good career and solid prospects for the future. People like her were not supposed to fall in love, not in this business. So she couldn't. _But you are. You are. And you need to deal with it._

Sighing, she got up, went to her cupboard and pulled out her make-up box and her perfumes, and sprayed herself so that the next client would not notice the traces of him all over her (though of course, this did nothing for the feelings remaining within her), and fixed her lipstick so that not a single soul would detect the forbidden kisses that she had given him. And then, once she was satisfied that she looked right, she boxed up her thoughts, stored them safe in a corner of her mind, and then went downstairs to continue the night.

 **…**

The next morning, working on the blueprint of the summer home that the Asahina family were hoping to build on the other side of the hill, Ryuunosuke's mind often drifted back to her. To Midori. _Or rather, Rinka._ It was a pathetic thing to admit, but sometimes, he felt as if she was his only friend in the world. His parents had died years ago, when he was young, and his uncle and his uncle's best friend had overseen his care ever since. And though he enjoyed talking to other architects and designers about the various buildings they were working on (and the clients commissioning them), and though he was aware that he had earnt some respect from the builders who did the actual building, he was not sure who, out of those, he'd consider a friend. As for women…..he was an eligible bachelor, and he had been to many balls and other social events (usually encouraged by his uncle), and though there were many pretty women of marriageable age, he could not force himself to be interested in them.

His uncle didn't press it too much, but clearly worried-especially as he himself was happily married with grown-up children a similar age to him who had married recently. As for his uncle's best friend….well, in a way, the mess his heart was in just thinking of Midori was almost because of him. He also had been encouraging Ryuunosuke to look for a wife, but also teased him about how innocent he still was, and joked about him visiting a brothel so that he'd know how to please his wife, when he did finally get around to being married. Ryuunosuke was aware that the man used brothels himself, not having wanted to remarry after he had become a widower three years back. And for some reason, the jokes had taken root in his mind and one day, after a meeting with a merchant who wanted an extension to his house, he had found himself walking to the Peach Blossom, an establishment he had always ignored until then.

And once there, out of all the girls he could have picked, he had found himself drawn to the severe looking one, the one with her fiery hair and vivid green eyes. Though she was pretty, there were others more distinctive and stunning- a busty woman whose gold hair and big blue eyes made her look foreign, the black-haired girl who looked like she had stepped out of a Heian-era poem, another black-haired girl who was bright and pretty, a brunette who moved with extraordinary nimbleness, and others besides that. But she had seemed….more subtle, somehow, and that had drawn him. And so he had picked her, hoping for….what, he wasn't sure, now that he thought about it. But whatever it was, the reality of her had been better. And now, six months later, here he was, with her constantly on his mind.

 _But where does this go? These feelings, what do I do with them?_ He wondered if this could ever be a long-term thing. He would need to settle down at some point, eventually get married, have a child (or hopefully two). Unless he was to be unfaithful, he would have to stop seeing her. But at the same time, in thinking of his future, he could not imagine it without her. Yes, he was a client to her, and yes, she was most definitely a prostitute, but he was sure that the times they had together meant something. It had stopped being about desires of the flesh ages ago, and in that bedroom it was easy to imagine that they were equals, equals who had a life together. Perhaps like a husband and a wife , who loved each other, spending time together on a lazy evening that they had all to themselves….suddenly, he stopped his sketches, and thought. _What if…..no, that's impossible…isn't it?_

He snagged a piece of paper from a pile of scrap on his desk, and scribbled some notes, random thoughts as he thought them, forming into an idea. It seemed….preposterous. No doubt his uncle and his uncle's best friend would think he had taken leave of his senses. As for the madam at Peach Blossom-Momoka, who tied her hair in a high, bouncy tail that was unusual yet made her seem younger-she seemed to be a friendly, decent person despite her profession, so he knew that she would listen to him…..but whether she'd allow such a thing was another issue completely. _But first, ask Rinka, the next time you see her._

Resolute, he folded the piece of scrap paper and tucked it into his pocket, and then returned to sketching out the blueprint. His mind was still full of her, but of course, he did not mind.

 **…**

When Ryuunosuke arrived, she was not free for him. This happened, from time to time. Sure, he was a regular, but he had yet to reach the point where he was able to schedule exact times. He lived in approximations. And though it stung more than he cared to admit, the thought of her with someone else, someone else who did not care for her, who did not think of her as anything more than something to satisfy his needs, who would easily forget her once he had gone. It stung. And yet, it was something he accepted. Because he had to. So as usual, with a small smile and a nod, he allowed himself to be directed into the usual place he waited, the small parlour-like room, and he seated himself. A few moments later, a small serving girl, pink-haired and scowly, came in with tea, which she set out and poured silently for him before leaving again. She looked little more than a child, and he felt a tinge of pity for her, hoping that a serving girl was all that she was.

As he sipped the tea, he looked around him. The room was small, not enough to hold more than a few people, though the wall hangings and other decorations and furniture in the room were all elegant and tasteful, a nod to the successes of the place, he supposed. Of course, he was the only one there, in that particular room. Not that meant there weren't others like him, waiting for a girl to be free. There were other rooms, with other men, all by themselves, waiting. Whether for any girl, or a specific favourite, they were all the same. But of course, they didn't want to see each other, did they? Because as long as they didn't come across each other, they could all still pretend that they were respectable. In a way, that applied to him, too. _But perhaps one day soon, that won't._ If he was lucky enough, if the plan he had been tentatively sketching out for the better part of a week had some sense to it, then one day, he wouldn't have to come here to find her, because she would be with him. Properly. _Building a life_.

"Oh, have you not been seen to yet?" The silky, sultry voice startled him, and he almost dropped his tea. The owner of the voice, the busty foreign looking girl-her name, if he had ever heard it, did not come to him- laughed as she slunk in, the reds and golds of her gown clinging to her, complementing the silky hair that was in a loose twist, pinned up by flower-shaped clips.

"Oh my, I apologise, I didn't mean to scare you, sir. I just noticed that this room was occupied and I was wondering…oh!" her eyes widened, as if only just realising something. "You're Midori's regular, aren't you?"

He considered not answering-he didn't like this woman, no matter how objectively attractive she was. But really, there did not seem to be a reason for him to lie to her. So, he nodded, willing her to go away. But of course, she didn't.

"Ah, I knew it. Midori's not available now, don't you know? You might be kept waiting a while."

"That's fine, thank you."

Something flickered in the woman's eyes, but it disappeared, replaced by a warm, engaging smile. Charm. But it was wavering, uncertain, because somewhere, somehow, it seemed she was aware of his lack of interest in her. Yet she was nothing if persistent, striding across the room and sitting next to him. She did not touch him, but was very, very close to it.

"Are you sure? I'd do whatever you want me to do." She almost purred. "Anything."

She leaned forward a little more, emphasising the creaminess of her partially exposed shoulders and chest. Her eyes, so blue, fluttered. They were a good colour, that much was true. But it was green he preferred. The flashing, sharp,

 _No, I don't think so._

She reared back suddenly, and Ryuunosuke stared at her in surprise, before realising that he had said that aloud. He blushed a little at that, but didn't look away. He meant it, after all. The woman stared a few moments, and then her lip curled as she stared at him in derision.

"Precious, aren't you?" she almost spat at him. "Do you fancy yourself in love with her or something?"

Ryuunosuke had to use everything he had to prevent himself from recoiling, but something in his face must have shown, for the woman seemed to become even more contemptuous. But before she could say anything, they were interrupted by Momoka poking her head around the door, looking stern.

"Rina-Chan! There you are. What are you doing there?"

"It's _Irina_." The woman –whatever her name was-pouted. Momoka gave her a hard look.

"And I've told you over and over not to bother the waiting guests if they don't want to be bothered, Rina-Chan. " the madam continued, unfazed. "But we'll have another talk, later. Right now, you're needed now, we've got some new customers, and I've just recommended you to them."

Rina's expression changed rapidly at that, going from scowly to pleased. Getting up, she smoothed her skirts and smiled serenely, and inclined her head at the both of them before leaving the room, though not before shooting one more hard look at Ryuunosuke. Once she had gone, Momoka sighed.

"I am very, very sorry about that. Is there anything that we can get for you, while you wait for Midori-Chan?"

He shook his head.

"It's fine. But….can I ask you something?"

"Sure….." Momoka regarded him curiously.

"Do….any of your girls ever leave?"

This made Momoka frown at him, but she answered anyway.

"Well, sure. Some move away, to other places. This place hasn't been around long enough for anyone to be old enough to retire, but when they do, that'll become an option. Then of course, when you die, you leave, that's pretty inevitable. And if any of my girls were to become with child, then I would need to rearrange their living situation for a while….why do you ask?"

"Would you allow them to leave if say, they were wanting to get out of this…business altogether. To get married, for example?" he asked, instead. Momoka's face cleared, and she nodded slowly.

"Ah, I see. This is about Midori-Chan, isn't it? I see. Well now." She smiled broadly at him for a moment, which made him squirm, though he knew she was being friendly, before she turned serious again.

"Midori-Chan's a good girl, you know. Very good. I wouldn't like to lose her, you understand….but…have you asked her, what she would want to do?"

"I…I was going to. " he answered, carefully. Momoka levelled a careful look at him. Whatever she saw, it seemed to be something that she approved of, for she smiled again.

"Well then. You're aware, aren't you? Of where the office is?"

He nodded. He thought he did, in any case.

"In that case, before you leave, come there, and we can see if we can reach a suitable agreement. Anyway, I will leave you in peace, and she should be down soon. "

Momoka strode out, brisk and no-nonsense, her ponytail bouncing, and she closed the door behind her. Ryuunosuke looked at his tea. As he had expected, she had been willing to listen. Seemed to like the idea, even. But whether that translated into what he wanted, was still uncertain. _But it won't matter, if that isn't what she wants. If she would much rather stay here, the way things are. Ah…._ he sighed, setting the cup down. He was not sure what he'd do, if that turned out to be the case. He just had to hope , hope that what he thought they had was real enough. _Rinka…_

The door opened again, and he looked up. And she was there, almost as if his thinking of her had conjured him there. She was wearing purple today, her hairpins butterfly-shaped. It suited her, but to his mind, everything did. He got up, and crossed the room so that he was facing her.

"I'm, um, sorry I kept you waiting. Shall we go up now?"

"Of course."

 **…**

"Midori-san, you seem happy."

Midori just raised an eyebrow at that, and continued her breakfast. Yukiko, however, was persistent underneath her serenity.

"Did something particularly good happen, last night?"

"Perhaps. "

"Ah, ah, it's that guy who's been coming here for a little while now, you know, that one who we all thought was strange because of how he didn't even bother to look at Rina-san! It's gotta be him!" a girl said eagerly, waving her chopsticks around to get the attention.

"It's _Irina_." Rina spouted irritably through a mouthful of rice. Clearly, she'd be going straight back to sleep after eating. As usual, everyone ignored her. They were all used to Rina's attempts to seem as foreign and as exotic as possible. It didn't help that her colouring was natural.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. But anyway, Midori-san always looks happier when he comes. Right?"

Midori did not feel the need to answer this, so she didn't. Not that stopped Yukiko and the other girl from speculating about it.

"Ah, that's true. I'm a little jealous; actually, he's so young and seems very kind."

"I know, right? If only all of them were like that! I always seem to get the difficult ones!"

"We get what we get, I suppose, though. But still, this is different, I can tell."

"Different how? Different techniques? Or maybe, did he give you a gift? Can we see it?"

Midori shook her head. _The future isn't a thing. Not like a necklace or a length of silk. But even if I'd been given something like that, I wouldn't want to share it._ From across the table, Rina snorted.

"Sweet words, was it? Promises, whispered in your ear, a pretty reward for what he's already paid for anyway? "

Rina's voice was silky, but the words she formed were hard, sharp, and she physically felt them. The chattering fell silent, and even those of the girls who hadn't been speculating about her now turned to stare. Midori's chopsticks clattered as they slipped out of her hand, and she didn't have time to catch them.

"Are you alright?" Yukiko asked, her whisper almost inaudible. Midori couldn't bring herself to respond. Rina just grinned contemptuously.

" _Do you think about doing something else? Or going somewhere else?"_

" _Huh?" she studied his face. "What do you mean?"_

" _I mean, something….other than here. A different sort of life. Unless…." He moved his hand to her hair, twirling it around his fingers idly, still directly staring at her. "Are you happy here, Rinka?"_

 _She blinked. That was a question and a half. And she had a million responses she could give, half-truths and vague statements to fob him off. She had dispensed them many times, when certain men had become too inquisitive. She was not about to do that this time, not when he was looking at her like that._

" _It's not a matter of happiness."_

" _Then what is it?"_

" _This is all I know. It would be madness to leave. Where would I go, and what would I do? Nobody wants a woman with blackened virtues to be a part of their family and bloodline, or to work for them."_

" _You're not blackened. You….haven't done anything wrong!"_

" _I think the rest of the world would disagree with you, Ryuunosuke-kun. But, I love you for saying that."_

 _His mouth opened slightly in astonishment, cheeks turning slightly pink in that endlessly endearing way, and it took her a moment to realise what she had said, and she went red, covering her hands with her hands._

" _Please, disregard what I just said. That was out of turn and….oh!"_

" _If you had a choice, would you be here?" his hands curled around hers, pulling them down, before he edged closer, leaned his forehead against hers. She focused on those touches, those tangible things, trying to keep herself grounded. He repeated his question again, gently. She took in a shuddery breath, and answered._

" _No. No, I wouldn't."_

" _There you go then." He sounded sure of himself, with all the innate confidence of the young, and it made her giggle, a little. This made him go even pinker._

" _Uh, erm…."_

" _What is this, more questions for me?" she laughed. He nodded at that, and there was something in the gesture that had her sobering._

" _Go on, then."_

 _There was a moment in which he looked down, at their entwined hands, the messed bedcovers, the tiny, tiny space between them, and then he took a deep breath, and met her eyes again._

" _If you had the choice to, and you wanted to go somewhere else, would you like….to be….to be with me?"_

Aware of everyone staring, Midori steeled herself, and stared Rina down, trying to match fire with fire, as it were.

"What makes you think you know what you're talking about?" she asked, barely controlling herself. Rina laughed.

"I knew it! You probably fancy yourself in _love_ , or something like that, when all of us here know full well there's no such thing, and we shouldn't fall for it. Look at us! All of us, women reduced to selling our bodies because we don't belong in any other place. Do you honestly, honestly think that we can have the other things that good, normal women have? No, we cannot. Whatever we do, or try to do, no matter how much we try to pretend that isn't so, we're _tainted_. We don't fall in love, people don't fall in love with us, and anyone who tries to say otherwise is _lying_."

"Rina-san, that's a bit out of order…." Yukiko hesitantly put in, after studying the both of them.

"Tch, no, I'm just saying the truth. We all know it, don't we? Whatever that man's said to you, don't expect it to be true. We all know how it goes here-anything to satisfy them, make them feel like they're in control. They don't want lives or relationships with us, and if you're planning to run away or something, then quit while you're ahead, won't you?"

Midori gritted her teeth, and looked down. She thought of him, his face and mannerisms and voice, how unsure and afraid and hesitant he had been at the start. Concerned, gentle, asking at every turn if he was hurting her or not. She remembered how, after the fourth or fifth time, when she had asked him what he had wanted to do, he turned the question back around on her, and had been so extraordinarily insistent she answered with something other than a fudging 'whatever you want' until for the first time in her life, she got to discover what s _he_ liked instead. She thought of how he enjoyed helping her to dress and brushing her hair. _This is real, it is real. And, it's something I want. He asked me what_ I _wanted, and it was that._ She supposed she could understand Rina, in a way-when had their wants and needs ever come into anything, beyond the food and accommodation and clothes that Momoka provided for them as part of the business? _But…_

"Midori-san, is this true? Are you in love with that young man?" one of the other girls delicately asked.

 _Rinka. It's Rinka. That's what he calls me._ Perhaps naming someone was akin to owning them, but again, the choice had been there. It had been there. And that was where she wanted to go, if she could go anywhere at all. She sighed, but did not answer, causing the girls to chatter amongst themselves.

"That's a bit unprecedented."

"I could never do that though. No matter how nice they are, I always remember what we are, at the end of the day."

"Though I pretend it sometimes, since they, you know, fantasize about it, having a woman in their thrall, especially if that's not the case in reality."

"That's completely different."

"More to the point, won't she get into trouble with Momoka-sama, if she heard something like that?"

"Who's going to get into trouble, and for what?"

Momoka came in at that point, and they all fell silent again. Midori looked up, but only slightly, as Momoka regarded them all, taking in the breakfast scene. When her eyes met Midori's, they seemed to soften, but also size her up. Midori blinked in astonishment, wondering what to make of that. _Is that….could it be?_

"Well now. Are you going to answer me?"

"It's Midori. I think she's forgetting herself in relation to one of our guests."

"Ah, is that so, Rina-Chan?" though Momoka smiled, as perkily as usual, her voice was steely. They all trembled at it.

"Don't worry yourself on that count. In any case, should you not be resting now? You have obviously finished your breakfast. The same goes to the rest of you, actually. Do you expect the kitchen staff to come out here and clean up after you?"

"I'll take these to Chisa-san and Ayana-san then…" Yukiko got up, bowed quickly in Momoka's direction, and started to do just that, clearly eager to leave. The girl she had been chatting to earlier also got up to help her, and then the rest began to drift out, not liking the atmosphere in the room.

"But, Momoka-sama-"

"But _nothing_ , Rina-Chan. "Momoka interrupted. "I know what I am doing- remind me, who is running this place?"

"Y-You are." Rina muttered. Momoka nodded once.

"Exactly. You concentrate on your job, and yours alone. It's not any of your concern what Midori-Chan is doing or not doing in regards to her clients. So I'll instruct you to stay out of it. Especially after yesterday. Understood?"

Rina stared, quaking in rage, looking as if she wanted to rip apart the room. She shot a venomous look at Midori, but realised that an answer was needed.

"Yes."

Momoka nodded, satisfied, and then dismissed Rina with a flick of her hand. She practically scurried away, so shamed she appeared to be, but not before giving Midori another look that sent chills right to her bones. Clearly, they were not finished. She'd need to stay out of the way.

"Now then, Midori-Chan." Gentler now, Momoka placed a hand on Midori's shoulder, making her flinch heavily. Searching her face for disapproval, she was surprised to see none-just a weary resignation.

"I think you'll have been asked something pretty significant last night by a certain someone. Did you say yes to him?"

Searching the madam's face, Midori decided to risk it.

"I did."

"Ah, I thought so. In that case then, we'll need to have a talk, won't we? Arrangements need to be made, after all. "

"I….I'm sorry, I don't understand, Momoka-sama."

"What? Midori-Chan, do you really think that there's any use for me to have a girl who so clearly doesn't want to be here? You're not the obvious favourite of Peach Blossom, but those green eyes are pretty popular, and so it will be a heavy blow on me….but…well, I pride myself on being fair. So, we have negotiations to make. Your young man's paved most of the way for you, actually. "

"I…."

 _I knew it. I knew this was real._

"Come on then. We haven't got all day, you know."

"Yes, Momoka-sama."

She followed, quickly, not wanting to let go of this, this chance that had been afforded to her.

 **…**

"You've fallen in love. I can see it all over your face."

"I…Maehara-san?" Over his cup of tea, he gawped at the face of his uncle's best friend, who just laughed.

"Child, call me Hirohito, I keep telling you to."

"Uh, right…" he nodded to appease the man, but despite having known him from childhood, it was hard to get past such entrenched habits. This one wasn't one he saw changing any time soon.

"But anyway, this isn't about me, it's about you. So then, who's the lucky girl? Might I have met her before?"

"Uh…" Ryuunosuke's mind scrambled. It was one thing to go through with things, but to actually say he was doing so to one of the two men who had brought him up.

"Her name is Rinka." He eventually said. As always, her face flashed in his mind. Perhaps he should have used the name she went by more frequently, but that was not who she was. At least, not to him.

"Oho! On first name terms already. This seems promising for you, Ryuunosuke. Really promising. What's her family name, then?"

When he didn't respond, Maehara nodded soberly.

"Ah, I see. Or, I think I see."

"Y-You do?"

"Well, I have a few different scenarios in my head, so I am not sure, but I suppose yes. This is going to be interesting, either way. Where does she live?"

 _Oh, to hell with it._

"Peach Blossom."

Maehara barely blinked, instead taking a long, deep sip of tea.

"Well, that narrows down the scenarios. It doesn't surprise me, that you'd make your first love this messy. How….serious is it?"

Again, he didn't respond, and again, Maehara nodded soberly.

"I see. Well now….Yuu is going to worry, but he'll come around to it. I don't think you're the first or the last to have been in a situation like this."

"I…you are not angry at me?"

"Why would I be?" Maehara answered. "We are humans, that's all. In any case, that would be hypocritical of me."

"But still….."

"Tell me about her. Tell me what it is about her that has you this dazzled, and the sum you need."

"Wait, how did you know that….." Ryuunosuke trailed off as Maehara laughed and laughed at that.

"Child, it's obvious. Not just from the fact your girl works at a brothel, but it's all over your face. I told you that. I can see your feelings as clearly as if you'd admitted it to me before the asking. You intend on sticking by her for life, whatever happens. I'd planned much the same myself, you know, with Hinata. That just ended sooner than I expected. So, tell me, all of it. And then I will help."

And so, Ryuunosuke did.

 **…**

The days went by, and on both sides, arrangements and plans were made to allow the changes that would come, to allow their new lives to begin. On Ryuunosuke's side, Midori knew things were quieter and easier for so many of the obvious reasons-money, being a man, family connections, love and support. For her….it was quieter, for really, technicalities aside, she had no real circle to speak of. But at the same time, it was noisier. More annoying, more abrasive. She was a curiosity, something to gawk at. Though she could not rightly say she'd had friendships with any of the other girls, and only really remembered a few names, there had been some she'd liked and had enjoyed talking with, during the times their abnormal hours allowed it- breakfast, the middle of the afternoon, the moments in the early morning when the last person had been kicked out and they were dealing with all of that. There had been happiness here. But now even that was drifting away, and she felt herself set apart from them.

But perhaps it had been that way, all along. And Midori supposed she could live with it. It was just Rina, really. Rina with her vicious words and potent jealousy.

" _You silly little girl, what makes you think you have the right?"_

Words hissed at her only the evening before, as they got ready for opening. A continuation of their discussion (which quite frankly had not been a discussion), which she had ignored, as usual. But now, here, in the early hours of the morning, as she was supposed to be getting some sleep, it haunted her, and she twisted around, trying to get comfortable, trying to get some peace.

 _What if this really is pointless? What if I am doomed to be like this, always and forever?_ She didn't want to believe it, didn't want to think it. But of course, she didn't know, did she? No matter how hardened to the world she was, how used she was to this life, she didn't have a clue about most things. _But he's the same, isn't he?_

Just thinking of him, just having his face appear in his mind, calmed her instantly. They were the same, in a way. Different in many ways, not least his catalogue of privileges, but they had things in common. This new life, they'd be navigating it together. So no matter what Rina or anyone like her said, she'd be fine. So she focused on him, thought only of him and the future. _Ah, it's strange, being in love like this. But I'm more than fine with that. Because I couldn't have picked anyone better._

And it was with these thoughts and images that she fell asleep, not realising that it would be the last time she'd ever think of anything, ever.

 **…**

As usual, when the evening came, he set off on foot to Peach Blossom, but with a different objective in mind. Finally, finally, the last details had fallen in place, and he had enough money to pull them off, and so today was going to be the last day he'd ever need to visit this place. And the last time she would ever need to be there. _Everything that we've been waiting for._ He was almost as nervous as he had been the first time he'd ended up in front of the place, prompted by teasing and random suggestion. _Please, let nothing go wrong, please…._

His thoughts, whizzing their way all over the place, drew to a halt as he reached his destination. Because something was different. There were policeman, cordoning off the place, a gaggle of onlookers either standing there and staring blatantly or just sneaking glances as they went about their own business that evening. Judging and sneering, no doubt. _What do you know? What would you know, of someone like Rinka?_ But what was most disturbing was the girls and Momoka, clustered off to the side, looking anxious, exchanging whispers, staring wide-eyed. Looking said. The little pink-haired serving girl was there too, standing slightly behind Momoka, a clutching to the hand of a blue-haired serving boy who only looked slightly older than her. His eyes scanned the group, looking for one person only, but not seeing her.

Ignoring the stares and whispers, he advanced forward to the group, not coming so close such that the policemen could complain, but close enough that he could hear what was going on, whatever it was.

"Ah, what's happening here? What's….what's going on?"

"It's a murder, a murder, sir." One of the girls spoke up hesitantly, only to be shushed violently by the rest of the girls, who huddled closer. Well, except for Rina, who only gave him a cool look before pointedly avoiding his eyes, pretending to be absorbed in the structure of the building across the road. Not that there was anything particularly spectacular about it-he should know. But that didn't matter. What mattered was that no matter how much he searched the group of girls, he did not see that familiar pair of green eyes. He did not see _her_. And the absence of her was making something spike in his heart.

"A…a murder?" he asked, choking on the words. Momoka gracefully came forward and walked to him, arching an elegant eyebrow at the policeman who came forward to object, sending him retreating for the moment.

"I'm afraid so…" The spiking turned into churning as he stared at Momoka, whose hand came up to her mouth. There was something practised about the gesture, but he could not mistake that look of sorrow in her eyes.

"I am so sorry, young man. I don't know how it could have happened on my watch…."

"I…I don't understand. I don't understand what you mean."

But he did. He knew that there could only be one reason for this, the entire spectacle, the huddle, the absence of her and her eyes. There could really only be one cruel, ruthless reason.

And he knew it.

* * *

 **ARGHHH. I know, it's been a month since updates, more than that, even. I did say that this was a side project, but even so, I apologise for that. Anyway, uhm, in some ways, this was an awkward chapter to write, not least because of the messy topic of prostitution...as much as I did some historical research, this was one thing I didn't research because, well, I honestly was not comfortable with having that in my search history, even if awkward searches are part-and-parcel of being a writer. I just looked at things that I'd already come across before that dealt with the theme, even if in a tangential way and used those things to inform how I wrote this so yeah...  
And also, another reason this was awkward is I don't write smut/lemon-type scenes, just imply them, which becomes weird in this sort of setting (which makes me wonder, why did I have this idea in the first place?!). Yet at the same time this was one of the most emotionally charged chapters, and I enjoyed writing it a lot. I really did get into the heads of these past-version ChibaHaya. I like to think it was worth it, in the end, because of that. **

**But I'll shut up for now, and will try (key word here: try) to bring the next update sooner. In the meantime, feedback would be much appreciated!**


	5. Time to Grow Up

_Time to Grow Up  
1801  
I Loved You by Letting You Go_

* * *

I will start this recollection with a confession: I never dreamed that one day, I'd want something different from this life of mine.

It is not as if this was necessarily the life I had dreamed of. It wasn't an easy one, either. But you know, life is never going to always be easy anyway, so I didn't mind that. Besides, it could be worse. A soulless marriage, a life in servitude, begging on the streets, having to sell my own body. These are all paths I could have ended up on, and those would have been worse. Instead, I ended up here, at the Wakaba Orphanage, looking after the youngest of the babies.

I like the babies well enough-some of them, over the years, have been genuinely sweet. And of course I do my best to take care of them-neglect is not an option, just because they're family-less. But given that they either move onto other orphanages when they get older, or taken on as apprentices by workers who don't have other options, or possibly even adopted by rich families who want a child and heir but cannot have their own, it's dangerous to get attached. And so, I never did. Of course, I've had ones I've preferred over the others, some children are just more sweet and pleasing than others. But I've never had my heart stolen completely by a child before. Never. I've never looked after a child here and wished that he or she was my own, not a single baby has made me wish for something different.

But of course, there was always be an exception. No matter how I distanced myself, it was inevitable. And who was my exception?

Why, it was you, of course.

 **…**

It's been a full year since you left us. The time you were with us was a bit shorter than that. Which doesn't seem like much as an adult, but for someone your age it's a lifetime. I hadn't expected that short time to have such an effect on me, but it did. And now I am here, trying to figure out where it is best to start this story.

Perhaps I'll go for the obvious-where it all began. When you first came to us.

You arrived in the night, the way most of the children here do, left on the doorstep or sometimes even around the back. But you were such a quiet one even then, we only discovered you in the morning, fast asleep, oblivious to anything. It was honestly pure luck that it was not winter, that you had been born in the sunny time that came between the cherry blossom season and the hottest months of the year. If it hadn't been so, then it was possible that perhaps you would have died out there that night. You were a good sleeper despite being a new born, and that served you well while you were with us, but at that point, it was the wrong time to be so quiet, it really was.

It wasn't me who found you, but one of the younger workers, Hina, who was opening up for the day. She'd been one of the Wakaba Orphanage babies herself, and she'd only just come of age. She was still young. And so somehow, the main responsibility of getting you settled in-and making sure that you were meant to be here in the first place- fell to me. It's not as if I was the only older person here, things would not have worked if that was so, but still, you came to me. And at that moment, you were just another baby. You hadn't become my exception then. You were just another baby boy, another charge to look after before sending you off onto whatever life you'd be given.

So I did the usual-I took you over to the baths, washed you and cleaned you, noting any unusual features, or possible defects or signs of disease, and then found new clothes for you and dressed you, before taking you to see if we actually had a space for you.

You were, of course, utterly perfect. I strongly suspect that you were loved to whoever you were born to, just not wanted or affordable, which was how you ended up here. In slightly different circumstances, I'm sure you would have grown up happy and secure in a family, without ever having to have come here. But then again, the same could be said for me. And I'm getting ahead of myself, in any case.

Through me undressing and cleaning you up, you slept, utterly oblivious. Even dressing you again, in standard orphanage clothes, you were the same, and so I found myself trying names on for you, out loud, studying you and considering them.

"Rin, Kou, Yasu, Saku, Daiki, Ryuu, Yuu, Shuu, Shou, Shun….Ryuu…." I kept circling through the same list, but always seemed to come back to that one name-Ryuu. It felt almost instinctual, like it fitted perfectly. There were some children, whose names tended to suit them, or who soon grew into them. But even then, the names had been chosen randomly, on a whim, maybe based on a physical characteristic or something that had come with them. Never had there been aa name that just felt right to give to a child. But with you, there was this name, which I kept circling back to. Ryuu. I couldn't have explained why, and even now, I still can't. But it was perfect.

Perhaps I should have realised then, that things were going to be different. To be fair though, it was only the start of things. There was more to come.

But at that time, not used just how sure I was, I found myself going over names over and over, until I got to the sleeping area. At that point, I gave up.

"Okay then. Ryuu it is." I decided aloud as I scanned the room, looking for a space to put you.

"Ah, you're back! Over here!" Hina called over to me, on the other side of the room with some of the other younger babies. "You've chosen a name already?"

"Yes." I shrugged.

"I see. That was quick." She said. Even I thought much the same, but I didn't want to admit that, of course. Mostly because I felt it would lead onto other things, and I was not ready to admit anything like that to myself yet.

So I settled you down, and went to help Hina with the other babies as usual, changing their clothes, or feeding them, whatever was required. And when I was finished, I came back to you. You were still sleeping, Ryuu, so calm and peaceful, like you had little time for the world.

"Hey, Hayashi-san, are you sure the little one here's okay?" (That's me, by the way. Hayashi. It seems redundant to point that out, considering how I'm hoping these words will reach you, but I thought I'd point that out in spite of that. But I digress).Yuki sidled up to me as I was watching you, and that made me jump.

"I think so. He's just sleeping."

"But all this time….." Hina frowned. "I'm a little worried. It would be awful if he had died out last night."

"You can see for yourself, Ryuu-kun's breathing, he has a pulse. I would have noticed if he wasn't, Yuki."

"Oh. Yes, of course. I didn't mean…"

"No, no, it's fine. I understand. Perhaps, if you're worried, you can go and get the Principal and Mukaido-san. They'll want to see him for themselves anyway-"

That, of course, was the moment you chose to stir, and we both held our breaths, waiting to see if you would cry, or open your eyes. For a moment, as you wriggled and whimpered, it looked like it would be the former, so I quickly scooped you up, expecting that you would be hungry and making to go and get you fed, but then just as suddenly, you stopped, made a few more noises, and then opened your eyes and after a few bleary, blinking moments, fixed onto mine. And my breath was taken away.

"That…I've never seen an eye colour like that before, have you, Hayashi-san?" Yuki asked nervously.

"No…"

Deep, dark red, almost mahogany, and very intense and almost bright, despite the darkness. Not wide like most babies' eyes, but actually a little narrow. Still, they were clear, and really intense, as though you were much older than the few days (at most) that you'd existed. And as you stared at me, unmoving, unfazed, it was as if you knew me, too. It was ridiculous, I thought, utterly ridiculous. Yet I felt it.

I also knew this wasn't a good sign.

Eyes like that, such rare, deep eyes. They would be viewed as something other, something to be feared, and by extension, you would be too. I could see it, the fate bestowed on you through no fault of your own. And though it hadn't started yet, from the way Hina gasped and ran off to get the Principal and Mukaido, I knew that it would, soon. And that it wasn't fair. And, most importantly, that I wanted to prevent it.

This, of course, was where it started.

 **…**

"No good will come of looking like that."

"It's a bad omen."

"Nobody will want him like that."

"The little one's destined for a life of bad luck. Who'll take that on?"

"In the end, it'll turn out that it would have been better for him to have died."

These were the types of things that were said about you, once the word got around, once everyone saw your eyes, how unusual they were. You were stared at a lot, and most of the others who worked here, they were reluctant to look after you. The Principal wouldn't have stood for you being neglected-unless a child was too sick or deformed that we didn't have the skill set necessary to take care of them, we always kept them there, until they moved onto a family or apprenticeship or whatever laid in wait for them. Looking strange wasn't enough of an excuse to abandon a child.

It didn't help that you were so serious. It's not an excuse, it's not a reason for you to be treated the way you were. But still….you were so intense. You didn't smile very often, or even babble that much. Over the time you were here, you developed in normal ways, did everything that a baby of your age would be expected to do….you were just really solemn about it. To be sure, you smiled at times, there were moments when you blended in with the other babies with no problem-something would make you laugh and laugh, the sweetest sound, and time would just _stop_ when I watched you like that. You really were so sweet, despite everything else I'm saying about you. And nobody could deny that you were shaping up to be a handsome child. But….you watched everything, all the time, you did not fuss nearly as much as other children. You didn't cry very often, and even when you did, it was easy to calm you again, or at least, you did not cry for long. These things, on a practical level, made it easier to care for you, but at the same time, it repelled people.

I had my own theory about that, though. Like I said, you watched everything. I suspected that in your own way, you understood what most of us thought of you, and you were trying to adapt to that. To try and cause us less trouble. You couldn't have known what the actual problem was, you couldn't know that being so unobtrusive scared them, especially when combined with your eyes.

But still, that's how things were. When it came around to feeding you, or changing you, or comforting you after a rare nightmare, or general interaction, you were just passed around a lot. But when you ended up with me, I tried to make it up. I didn't know many songs, but I sung to you, I tried to smile at you and give you something to you other than fear and revulsion. I was never one to be able to make small talk with people, and even with the little ones like you, I didn't really babble on and on. Yet with you, I found myself making up all sorts of stories, almost like fairy tales, to tell to you. Stories of marginalised children who grew up to be brave and good and true, who managed to work past the curse everyone believed was hanging over them. And other stories, of people who loved each other in all sorts of different ways, who tried to build a life but did not always succeed. Anything that I could pull from my mind and turn into a story, I did.

A lot of it felt like it was true, to be fair. Some of it, as I told it to you, felt like it could have been my life, like it had happened to me. It had not, of course. But even so. Sometimes, those stories felt like that. And there were times that as I told this, you would look at me, your red eyes so intense, your little face so serious, and it seemed as if you knew exactly what I was thinking.

And that you felt the same.

 **…**

I am sure that as you grow up, you will realise that you are a very lucky person, simply by virtue of being born to be someone's son. Sons have a lot of luxuries daughters should never hope for, that they cannot even dream of. This is not to say that daughters are always hated. There are plenty of families who love their children no matter what they are, plenty who have always wanted daughters. But overall, it is sons who are prized. Someone to carry on the family name, the traditions. Someone honourable.

You are one of those now. I almost envy you for it now. Knowing the things that my life could have been , if this or that had been different, it is hard not to. And after you, all these possibilities I could never have because of who I was-who I am, even now-they became more apparent. And so I envy you for that. But still, I wanted the best for you, and you have it, and so that doesn't matter.

But I am digressing, a little. Forgive me for that. Even with trying to follow a rough chronology, memories tend to not want to do the same, no matter their freshness. But I will try to get back on track. I wonder, where was I now?

Ah, of course. There was a reason that I mentioned this, you being someone's son. Because for the longest time, it looked like that wouldn't be the case. You see, it was not just the rest of us, the people who were meant to care for you who ended up scared of you, or reviling you. It was people who came to visit, who wanted to adopt, who would avoid you. One person even said to me that they'd rather have a daughter, than a son that looked like you. I'm glad that you were too young to understand that, when it happened, and that you were too young to be able to remember. It was the only thing that prevented me from lashing out at that particular rich merchant. A good thing, too. Before you, it was far, far easier to clamp down my feelings and opinions. Almost to the point that I wasn't sure I had them in the first place. Then you came along, and you were always watching my face, searching out the feelings without another word. When I was alone while looking after you, those were the times I could be honest with myself. So even that difficulty was a good thing.

But of course, those times came to an end. If they hadn't, I would have no reason to write all this. So let me tell you about them, the family that eventually decided they wanted you.

 **…**

We hadn't heard of them, the Yukimura, when they arrived in Kunugigaoka, just as the snow was starting to melt away. Apparently the wife, Lady Aguri, hailed from here, but she and her husband now lived in the south. But little was known about them, what they were like, what Lord Yukimura did. They were elusive and didn't reveal much about themselves. So naturally, rumours abounded, some incredibly wild. But still, all the same, they were respected, thought to be good people overall. So when we heard they were coming with the intention of adopting a child, naturally the place was abuzz, and there was a mad two days or so where we were all rushing to make sure everything-the children, the place and us-was presentable.

Mukaido was the one who went to actually meet them when they arrived, and then the principal joined them, and they went around the back, to talk about what they were looking for. So I did not actually get a glimpse of them when they first arrived, but soon enough, some of the others came by to ask me.

"Hey, Hayashi-san, did you see them?" Hina was the first to rush in to see me, almost breathless with excitement.

"Lord and Lady Yukimura? No, I've been here all morning." I was in the kitchen, cleaning up the cutlery, and I gestured to it. Yuki reddened a little at that, then shook it off and started to help me, talking extra fast as she did. You wouldn't believe that usually she was a quiet thing, but I suppose that she was one of those people who was more expressive in a smaller amount of company. I suppose I am similar, in a way. I suspect that you will be much the same, too. It's a good thing, to be careful, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But at the same time, do not be too closed off from everything. I did that, and it's too late for me, but you have all this life ahead of you, so make the most of it.

Anyway, Hina helped me and talked my ears off, and then I heard a few of the babies stirring in the room where you slept, and so we went there. You were awake, and sitting up, just looking around you. One of the other baby boys was also awake, across from you, and he seemed to be happy babbling at you while you just sat there. The two of you looked like as if you were having this really deep conversation, and it was the sweetest thing, and so I stood there for a moment, just watching you.

"Aww, that's kind of sweet." Hina commented, absently. I nodded, and then crossed over to you, and picked you up.

"You're bright today, Ryuu." I told you, as you snuggled against my shoulder. "Are you hungry, then?"

You looked at me seriously, as if actually considering the question, and then just gurgled a little, contentedly, before going back to snuggling. I carried you around while I went to check on the other babies, and made a small running commentary while you watched, and occasionally babbled as if providing your own opinion. One or two of them did need feeding, and a few more needed changing, and I tried to pass you onto Hina for a moment so that I could do that. But once you turned your attention to her, she startled and backed away, so I just gave up and pointed her in the direction of the other babies, and continued walking around with you. You seemed content like that, and I decided it would do no harm just to take a walk around the building with you. I justified it to myself by pointing out that we'd done much the same with other little ones over the years, as a way of keeping spirits up-not just those of the children, but us, too. But as I made that decision, the Principal came in at that moment, leading in none other than our two visitors.

"Hayashi, Kurahashi, I'd like to introduce you to our two visitors-Lord and Lady Yukimura, come down from the south to see about acquiring a new addition to their family."

We murmured the appropriate greetings and inclined our heads, and then we waited for the next signal-whether that would be a case of us being dismissed, or called upon for something else or other. And as we waited, and as the Principal explained a few things about the babies and how we took care of them here, I studied them both .

Lord Yukimura was a presence. His height was average, but he was skinny in a way that made him seem taller. His garments, though made from the very best material, were dark and simple-unobtrusive, almost, as if he wanted to blend in. Yet there was a sly look to his face, a certain something about his dark and wavy hair and somewhat narrow but very liquid dark eyes that was compelling, and he very clearly did not care about this. And he was a bit like you, in that he watched everything. Nothing seemed to escape him, and you could tell he was very careful and very calculating.

His wife was a bit of a contrast. Physically, they seemed similar-she, too, had dark hair and eyes, and she was only a bit shorter than he was. But she seemed lit-up from the inside, bright and cheerful and unusually expressive. And she, too, was very unusual, but in almost the opposite way. Her gowns were exquisite in material and style and other such things, but the patterning was….odd, to say the least. Rather than the usual flowers or cranes or scenes from nature, it looked as though her clothes were patterned with images of cheerful stage performers in clashing colours (I strongly suspect you will see stranger patterns as you grow up with her). But even stranger was that her hair was boyishly short, almost the same length as her husband's hair. She had pinned in different hair ornaments, and it was hard to tell, but that was genuinely the case.

You can tell then, why they were perceived to be unusual.

"So then, who is this child?" Lord Yukimura eventually turned his attention to me, scrutinising me carefully. And you, too. He was quite interested in you.

"His name is Ryuu, sir." I replied.

"Ah, so the child is male. How long as he been here, to look this comfortable with you?"

"It's not quite a year." The Principal answered this question. Lord Yukimura looked at him and raised an eyebrow, before nodding and turning back to me.

"I take it then he's been here since he was born. Hmm…." Lord Yukimura frowned a moment, considering this.

"Oh, but he's so lovely though." Lady Yukimura put in at this point, leaning forward and looking closely at you. You watched her curious but not really reacting, but then all of a sudden you babbled something short and incomprehensible, and reached out to her.

"Oh! May I?" Lady Yukimura asked, surprised. The Principal bowed deeply and nodded, and I passed you over, silently and making an effort to remain neutral. I was surprised at how comfortable you seemed with her. And even Lord Yukimura, for when he held out a finger to you, you grabbed it quite enthusiastically, and looked him straight in the eyes, not even slightly wary. Though you were of course as watchful as ever.

But really, I think it wasn't your reactions that were strange, but theirs. Lady Yukimura seemed to adore you instantly, and got attached to you very quickly. And Lord Yukimura was more subdued in his reactions, but he smiled, and talked to you for a few moments, and you could tell he was happy at how joyful his wife was while holding you. But of course, he was practical too.

"Nobody else has expressed an interest in this child, have they?" he asked after a few moments of engaging with you.

"No, they haven't. His eyes, you see, they…." Mukaido trailed off as Lord Yukimura turned an unusually cold gaze on her. Hina shivered at it, and quietly murmured to excuse herself, going off to do other work. I remained there though, keeping an eye on you, to see what would happen.

"That's kind of horrible, little Ryuu." Lady Yukimura eventually cooed to you. "So what if you have unusual eyes? They're not bad at all. In fact, they're such a pretty colour. And you're such a lovely little one anyway, so what do such things matter? Hmm?"

"You have no sense of colour, Aguri, you don't know what you're talking about. Still," Lord Yukimura said, softening his insult with a loving smile, putting a hand on Lady Yukimura's shoulder.

"You're right. This boy certainly deserves better than remaining in this place. Don't you agree?"

That last question would of course have seemed like an open question to the Principal and Mukaido but Lord Yukimura only looked at me when he asked it, raising an eyebrow and tipping his head very slightly to the side. Almost smug, I'd say. As if he knew I was the only one who'd been thinking such a thing all along.

 **…**

I suppose I could have written more, about how the conversation proceeded afterwards, how the Principal and Mukaido tried to show the Yukimuras some of the other children and how that turned out to be futile because they'd already set their heart on you. How every time something was mentioned about how people thought you were a bad omen Lord Yukimura silenced them with a silent look. How Lady Yukimura just progressively became more besotted with you as the visit proceeded, and we learnt that she had a genuine liking for children, and had been teaching all the servants children in their home how to read and do arithmetic and other basic things. Lots of things like that. I could spend ages detailing all these other things. But there seems to be no point. Because in the end, what it boiled down to was this-an agreement was made for them to adopt you.

They didn't take you away that day. No, there were some arrangements-I cannot be sure what kind, exactly-they had to make before doing that. On that day, they handed you back to me and went off with the Principal to discuss these arrangements, with the understanding they would be back within the next week to take you away. And after that, you would not be Ryuu the abandoned and unwanted baby, but the cherished first-born son of the Yukimuras. A bad omen, a life of bad luck, nothing good-all those things that had been said were now no longer true.

It should have been the happiest day for me. Which it was….but also…..

When they handed you back to me, I held you just that little bit more tightly. When I put you to sleep that night, I lingered a little longer than I should have, to the point that some of the other little ones started to fuss, and I had to go to them. I ate my night-time meal alone, instead of with the other workers like I would usually do. And in the middle of the night, when it was guaranteed that you'd all be asleep with no chance of waking you, I snuck in and sat by your side, watching you. And I did that on all the remaining nights, too.

There were three of these nights. Three nights before the Yukimuras came back to claim you and make you their own. And each night, I watched you, wanting to remember every little feature of you, so that I'd recognise you again one day. But really, I didn't need to. I could already visualise how you'd grow and age, so well, as if I'd already had the chance to. The way your face-shape would mature, how you'd grow into those eyes of yours (though they'd always remain the same), the expressions you'd make when you'd accomplished something or had failed, when you were sad or happy. The way you'd learn things, how you'd move through your childhood and into your adulthood. And from time to time, I saw myself in these scenes. Teaching you how to read, eating our meals together, playing in the garden, watching you go off to learn a trade of your own and come back with a sweet and intelligent wife. Sitting by your side on those three nights, imagining these things, a realisation I'd had all along became clear to me. I wanted to be your mother.

It was irrational-I had no name, no husband. I worked here because I was alone and support-less in the world. Wakaba Orphanage was where I lived, for God's sake! They wouldn't have allowed me to become your mother. But still, I entertained that fantasy, and on that last night, the night before they came back for you, I actually lifted you up while you were still sleeping, held you to me, pretended for a moment that we were in our own house, that you were mine and I was free to do this. You were soft, and warm, and….well, you fitted right into my arms. Such a silly, fanciful thing to think in the first place, let alone write here for you to see. But I'd gone over my limits already. I was just trying to prolong the moment.

I don't know what I was planning to do next, not really. I probably had an inkling deep down, but I didn't know what I would have done, had you not stirred and jolted me out of my imaginings.

"Oh, did I wake you?" I whispered. "Sorry, Ryuu-kun."

Your eyes blinked open, and you looked at me silently for a moment. I waited, breath held, hoping you wouldn't cry and wake everyone else up and then feeling guilty for it, when you did something unexpected. Rather than make any noise, or anything like that, you just reached up and put your tiny hand on my cheek, and stared at me for a moment, before you moved your hand away and then yawned.

Just like that, reality came back. The dreams disappeared, leaving a sense of disappointment. So I put you back down again, waited until you fell asleep again, then snuck back out and into my own sleeping quarters, and fell asleep myself, and tried to pretend that nothing happened.

And then of course the next day, you went away.

 **…**

So that is the story of you, Ryuu. My exception, the child who made me dream of other possibilities. Perhaps I could have taken a risk, taken you and run off into the night, brought you up as my own. Perhaps we would have been fine, somehow. But honestly, the chances of that would have been low. I'm not a psychic, I have no influence. Who's to say that everything would be okay? I could hardly rely on my hopes and dreams and faith alone. It's more likely that we would have fallen on hard times fairly quickly, with little money and nowhere to stay. And with someone having decided they wanted you for their own…well, there was no choice, really. No matter what I wanted to do myself, I had to make sure that I did what was best for you. And I realised that those things would never be necessarily be the same.

So I let you go.

And I watched the year since then go by, as we moved from the cherry blossom season, to the hottest and then the coldest days, when the earth itself seemed dead. And now, back again with the blossoms on the trees, signalling a new year. A new life. I suppose where you are, there are a lot more trees. More blossoms, everywhere, in a beautiful garden, tended to carefully by gardeners. I could imagine you running around in such a garden on your tiny feet, examining everything oh-so-seriously, sometimes breaking out into those rare smiles of yours, giggling, even. I can imagine your new mother sitting in the garden, laughing along with you, and perhaps if he isn't away on business, your new father will be there, watching quietly too, smiling to himself. If he is away now, he'll probably be imagining the scene anyway, just like I am. And in the same way, it'll make him happy to imagine it. Because even though you aren't their blood, they love you as if you were. And they'll give you all the opportunities I never could have, so that you'll never need to face real hardships.

Still, I will miss you a lot. I'll go through each day here as usual, more children will come and go, and I will take care of all of them, just as I used to. But nothing will be like it used to be, because I'll always, always be comparing them to you, comparing these days to the days I had with you, watching you grow. I already have been for a year, after all. I guess, in a way, that's what love is. But love is also letting go of someone when it's best for them, and that's what I did.

And I will live with that for the rest of my life, and gladly so.

But there is a hope that I hold onto.

That maybe, somehow, your parents will decide to be honest with you about how they found you, where you came from. Not now, not in the next few years-because that would not be fair-but when you are older, an adult, ready to make your own way in this world. Maybe they'll mention me in particular, but I don't know that they would have noticed anything different about how I acted in comparison how the other workers did. Your father seemed a pretty perceptive person, so maybe, but who knows? Still, if and when that day comes, maybe one day you'll find your way here, and stand on the doorstep where you were left all those years ago, and knock on the door. And whether I am the one who opens that door for you or not, once I lay my eyes on you, I am sure I'll recognise you, no matter how grown-up and handsome you've become. And then we'll talk, and you will tell me of your life, and I will hand you these papers with all my words on them, so that you can know for yourself, just how loved you were. And perhaps, even if it is not a result of memory, a part of you will recognise me, too. Maybe, perhaps. I don't think it'll happen, I'm sure that logically, that you'll never remember me, never come and look for me. The day for that will never come. But still, I look forward to that day.

* * *

 **...Well, this was not the best chapter. I know this. But if I'd left it any longer I'd start to eat my own hands, I swear. I'm aware of just how long it's been and I'm sorry. I'd explain why this one took so long, but that would take ages too. But since I know the other chapters are probably going to take equally long, here's a condensed list of the reasons _that'll_ be the case:**

 **-University (I am in my third year, which is the final year. Oh happy days)**

 **-I work on this story from my desktop, and I am not always at my desktop.**

 **-I work on Saturdays.**

 **-DR3 (even though it is finished, it is still the other main obsession of my life after AssClass)**

 **So basically if you see me upload other things, then I've been uploading them from elsewhere, and those things, I'm usually working on a little at a time as a stress reliever. Those will of course be oneshots-actually, some of the oneshots that I uploaded between the previous update and this one are other such stress-reliever oneshots...they are naturally DR3 related oneshots, and you can check them out if you want^^ But anyway, I do apologise for the long time this one took, and the long time the rest will take. But rest assured, I _WILL_ finish this collection. **


	6. Time of Loneliness

_Time of Loneliness  
1611  
Speak, Remember, Forget_

* * *

Rinne is the little boy's favourite person in the whole entire world.

Because he's only little, still only a baby, he doesn't know many people. And certainly, he doesn't know how large his world is, when all he's seen of it is the inside of his little wooden house and the forests surrounding it. But still, that doesn't stop him from knowing that Rinne is the best person in the entire world.

Rinne lives with him, in the same house. She is his sister, his big sister, and so his Mama and Papa are hers, too. He doesn't mind that at all. She sleeps in the same room as him, always curled around his basket, even though there's a futon for her (he knows, he sees it whenever Mama or Papa or even Rinne herself carries him). She is not as big as Mama or Papa, because whenever she carries him, his feet touch her knees, whereas he can easily snuggle into Mama or Papa's chests (though usually, it is just Mama), and she is not warm or soft like them either-in fact she's skinny and bony, and a little sharp.

But she is pretty, her hair and eyes are bright colours whose names he hasn't learnt yet, and he likes to look up at them. In the few months he's been on the earth, most of everything seems to be duller, calmer, not as appealing colours. But Rinne is wild, and vivid, her colours are different, and so they interest the little boy, make him always want her more than anything. His big sister isn't cheerful, exactly, for she does not coo at him and pull silly faces the same way Mama does. But sometimes, when they're alone, she sings softly to him, and chatters in a way he hasn't heard her do anywhere else, not even to Mama or Papa.

He doesn't know why, doesn't know to wonder why. But already, from all this, he knows that Rinne is the best person in the world. And if she likes him that much too, that must make him pretty special, too.

 **…**

The days pass, slow and quick at the same time. The little boy continues to be loved, watches the world around him, and he grows. Soon, when he is able to sit up, it is easier for him to spot Rinne, as she helps Mama around the house, or does other things, or even when she comes to play with him, bringing along different things with her, laying them out in front of him, so he can pick them up and touch them. An arrow, a leaf, a feather, a bead bracelet, a hairpin, a length of twine. She tells him what they are all are, shows him how she can wear the bracelet around her wrist, or the hairpin in her bright hair. Some of the things look like they might taste nice, so he experiments with putting them in his mouth, but Rinne scolds him and pulls them out of his hands-the only time she ever gets annoyed at him, so he knows it's a big deal. Still, it takes him a little while to figure it out, what is food and what isn't.

When the little boy learns to crawl, it is in the summer. He is sitting outside in the garden with Mama, while Rinne is watching Papa do whatever it he is doing at the other end. Mama's been entertaining him, bouncing him up and down on her lap for a while, before setting him down and giving him some of his toys. But now he is bored, and wants Rinne. If he could say her name, he would, but he can't, so he fusses and fidgets, and ignores Mama's efforts to calm him down. And then eventually, he just launches himself across the grass, ignoring all the little insects and flowers that would normally fascinate him. He pulls and drags himself across, occasionally falling face-first into the grass, but he carries on determinedly, ignoring his Mama calling out his name. And eventually he figures it out, how to move his hands and legs in such a way that he is moving properly, as fast as he can, towards Rinne.

At first, she doesn't seem to notice, as she's so busy trailing Papa, but just as his head is about to butt into her legs, she turns and jumps back, mouth dropping open.

"Ryu! How did you get here!"

Rinne kneels down, and looks into his face, bright eyes questioning. Then she flicks a glance at where Mama is, and then she gasps again.

"Oh! You crawled! You crawled here!" she beams, and steps back a few steps. "Do it again! Do it again!"

"Rin, what are you doing?" Papa asks.

"Look." Is all Rinne says, as she goes a little further, then stops, kneeling slightly. The little boy doesn't hesitate, using his new-found skill to reach her again. And when he reaches her, she moves away again, calling to him, encouraging him to come to her. It becomes a little game, and he enjoys it immensely. Mostly because the only thing he needs to do is reach Rinne, and he manages that every time. After a few times of this though, Rinne kneels down and scoops him up, and turns to Papa.

"You saw this time, didn't you, Papa?"

"That I did." He looked across at Mama.

"Did you see that, Yukari?"

"Yes, I did. Clever boy, aren't you, Ryu?"

He babbles something, pleased at the compliment. Papa bends down for a moment and ruffles what hair is on his head, before stretching back up again and doing whatever it is he was doing with the trees. Rinne giggles softly and hugs him to her, and they stand there for a moment, watching everything, until Mama gets up from where she had been sitting, and calls out.

"In any case, I need to go in and make dinner. Rin, come and help please."

"Yes, Mama. Rinne answers dutifully. She puts the him down, dusts down her clothes, and rushes back across the grass and into the house.

And naturally, the little boy follows.

 **…**

Crawling opens all sorts of things for the little boy, since now he is able to follow Rinne around everywhere. Now, when she is free to play with him, she doesn't have to actually come over and pick him up. Instead, she can call for him, and he can come rushing as fast as his little hands and feet allow him to, and he discovers everything and anything. Mama and Papa sometimes have to pull him out of various small spaces in the house and other places he is apparently not allowed to get into, such as Papa's tools. He wonders what it is about those things that's so bad for him, so dangerous, but time stretches out promisingly, somewhere in his mind he knows that one day he will be able to know for sure, and so he is fine with this, and remains happy.

Each and every day, there is something new to discover. He meets more people, sees more sights, but his favourite person continues to be Rinne, and his favourite things are the ones she shows him. And she is always there, for everything, so as it is, he ends up loving the entire world, and looks forward to the day he can properly experience it for himself, find something new he can show to Rinne, instead. There isn't any reason for him to think that could ever change.

At least, not until the fever hits them all.

 **…**

The fever comes with no warning, though he only later knows to call it that much later as his parents dissolve into hysterics. Mama just puts him to bed one night, and then later he finds himself jerked out of his happy dreams by a hot, hot feeling that courses through his body, and a tightening in his chest. It's hard to breathe, but somehow he manages to cry anyway because it _hurts_.

Mama and Papa seem to practically materialise beside him, and as Mama scoops him up and feels his forehead, suddenly the house becomes loud, crying interspaced with calls and demands for a doctor. Mama puts him down for a moment and rushes away, and then comes back and puts a cool cloth on him, which feels nice, but doesn't lessen the pain. He hears Papa calling to Rinne, trying to wake her up. Except…

"Hatsuko, Rin won't wake up, I think she's got it too!"

Mama lets out a wail at that, and the little boy is confused. What does that mean? What has she got? And who else has got it? And why won't she wake up because of it? He doesn't understand what that means, but he quickly forgets as everything becomes a blur of distressed voices and faces staring down at him, lullabies being sung and different things being pushed into his mouth, Mama gently and pleadingly encouraging him to take them even though none of them taste nice. Medicines, she calls them, and though he has no idea what that means, he takes them anyway, because then Mama sounds slightly less worried and scared, and Papa paces less, and that makes the little boy feel a little calmer.

Eventually, something happens. Breathing becomes a little easier, and he stops crying, but the hotness and restlessness take a while to fade away. Mama keeps rocking him and singing to him, but she sounds…calmer. Not happy, because there's something else there in her voice. But everything has become quieter, so he supposes that he is alright. Papa comes and whispers something to Mama, before looking down at him and smiling. He smiled back up, and then finally, a wave exhaustion hits him and pulls him back into sleep, which he had been waiting for all this time.

But just before he completely drops off, it occurs to him that he hasn't seen or heard Rinne.

 **…**

He wakes up the next morning, and the atmosphere in the house is heavy and strange. He himself feels fine, but remembering the night before, he whimpers in fear a little before realising that it will now only be a memory. Though he still feels tired, exhausted, and when he tries to sit up

But it is still silent.

He babbles, a string of noises that aren't quite words, but that always bring somebody to him to get him out, and sure enough, Mama comes, smiling at him as usual as she lifts him up and holds him close, but he sees that her eyes are red and he notices how he sniffles. And when he looks down at his sleeping area, he notices that there is no Rinne, that her futon is no longer there. And he realises that she should have been there, right there. That she could have helped him up before Mama got there.

When he is fed and let down to crawl around, he starts to look for her. He searches every corner that he knows he is allowed to, and he tries to ask Mama and Papa-where is Rinne? Where did she go? But Mama and Papa just pad around the house, almost-silent and very sad-eyed, and occasionally a visitor will come, and all three adults will talk in hushed voices while staring over at him. None of them help him look for Rinne.

And he is not able to find her.

 **…**

Time goes by, the little boy grows and changes from a baby to a toddler to a quiet and sturdy child, and with these changes, the memories of the first year of his life disappear. He is referred to as the Mashiba's only child, and he soon believes this to be so.

It is a good life he lives. They are not rich, but neither are they poor, what with Father being a respectable craftsman who helps design the interiors of palaces and other houses. Mother is gentle and sweet, and always sneaks him extra snacks when he goes down the road to the Shiota residence, where the local children learn to read and write and do basic arithmetic and other such things. He has friends that he spends time playing with, usually in the orchard around the back of his own home. When he is about 9 or so, he starts formal training so that when he is of age he will be able to take over the family business. It is a good life.

But still, there is something missing.

Sometimes, he learns something new or comes across something interesting, and is gripped with the overwhelming sense that he really wants to show his discovery off, but his mind always stops short when trying to complete the thought with who he wants to show it off to. He is drawn to reddish, flame like orange colours and green that looks like cut emeralds or the deepest parts of the forest, but cannot explain why. Sometimes he finds himself searching for something (somebody) in the strangest places, but doesn't remember how he got there, or even what he was searching for.

And the house is quiet, too quiet. There is the sense that somebody is missing, and he seems to notice it the most whenever they're having a meal together, and it looks like there should be four of them there, not three. Mother cries a lot, though she hides it behind smiles and gentle scoldings and expressions of affection. Father always seems to be watching over him, hyper vigilant for any changes in his state. When he asks what's wrong, both of them deny that there _is_ anything wrong. But he knows that there is.

One time, he stumbles across half a possible explanation. It is in the middle of the afternoon of a particularly lazy day, a friend of Mother's comes around, and he half listens to them chatting about whatever it is mothers tend to talk about, when he hears something that makes him stop cold.

"Don't you think it's time to try again, for another child? It's not as if Ryu would remember, after all."

This makes him freeze. Remember what? What is he meant to remember? Or not remember, as the case may be? But his hand goes to the beaded bracelet that he keeps hidden in the folds of his clothes, and he thinks of songs whose words he cannot remember, and thinks of the sense that something is missing in this household of his. And so he does not wait to hear what Mother has to say, and runs out of the back of the house, to the orchard garden, where Father is.

"Why don't I have any siblings?" he bursts out. Father turns around from what he is doing, and gives him a long, hard look.

"That is just how it is."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't have any brothers or sisters, that is all. It is unfortunate, but that's the way it is. Having one child is better than none. And that is all I will say on the matter."

The little boy senses that his father is utterly serious, so he does not ask, and instead excuses himself and goes to find one of his friends to play with, and tries to forget

When he comes back for dinner, Mother's smile seems more plastered-on than usual, and Father looks stiff and angry. But he does not comment on it, because he knows nothing will come of it. But still, he thinks on it, and he certainly does not forget.

 **…**

The other half of the possible explanation turns out to be one that has stared him in the face one day in every year of his life, and one that has been accessible to him from time time he knew to read names. The family grave, the tombstone carved with the names of his relatives and ancestors going back generations. He has read them all, but it is not until the next visit, soon after the incident where he overheard Mother's friend that he notices the name at the very bottom of the list.

Rin.

In comparison to the other names carved, this one looks newer, though still, it looks old. Perhaps about his own age, something he is only able to estimate from learning the family business. But when he spots the name Rin, his mind leapfrogs and makes connections.

Rin. Onee-san. _Rinne_.

"Rinne." He murmurs it, wondering where the term has come from, why it rolls so easily off his tongue despite the fact he has never, ever said it before, never had anyone to call by that name. Rinne. Rinne.

He wonders if this is the reason, why there's a gaping hole in his life, why his parents are so troubled and he is drawn to the colours of flames and emeralds, why he has a beaded bracelet hidden in his clothes and a tendency to go off searching for things he doesn't remember.

" _Having one child is better than having none."_

As they go through the usual rigmarole of prayers and flower arrangements, the little boy tries to catch the eyes of his parents, hoping to ask who Rinne is. Or rather, who she was. But he struggles to find the right way to ask, and by the time he shores up enough courage to try anyway, it is time to head back home, and they do so in silence.

Halfway there, he turns back and looks back at the family grave, almost out of view. He brings back the image of the name 'Rin', carved right at the bottom of the list. Rin, Onee-san. Rinne.

" _You don't have any brothers or sisters."_

"That's a lie. I did have one once, didn't I? I had a sister once."

"What was that, Ryu?" Mother asks, looking down at him with concern.

"Nothing!" he says hurriedly. "I'm fine."

"Well, that's good to hear."

At that, Mother is quick to talk about something else, something utterly ordinary about their lives, and the little boy nods and pretends to be attentive. But in reality, he is thinking about Rinne, the sister he might have had, and the sadness that's still underneath the cheer.

And most importantly, of how though he cannot speak of her or remember, he will never, ever forget again.


	7. The Very First Time

_The Very First Time  
Time Unknown  
To See You_

* * *

The first meeting between Ryuuichiro Chiba and Rinne Hayami took place just after the cherry blossom season.

In every way, it was a typical social call, sitting around drinking tea, making polite small talk. Except that she wasn't a child, so she wasn't sent off to play with the other child in the house after sitting there for the obligatory amount of time. Instead, she was the centre of attention, a place she did not like to be. Unfortunately, that was how it had to be, for how else would they be sure that the match would be suitable? So she sucked it up, and behaved how she was expected to.

Still, though at the time she did not realise it, she would end up remembering it well, instead. But not because of the meeting itself, but what happened afterwards.

"Well, I'll be honest with you, Rinne. I'm glad that's over." Her mother Nanako told her as they made their way home afterwards. "Even if the Chibas are long-time associates of your father's, I'm not so sure the match would be advantageous for you."

"Why not, Mother?" Rinne had asked, mild but curious. She hadn't seen anything wrong with Ryuuichiro. She'd sensed him to be quiet, but he was polite too, and knowledgeable. And he wasn't too bad to look at-though his hair was cut in a more youthful style, shaggy and slightly covering his eyes-what unusual eyes, deep red and more than a little cloudy-it suited the shape of his face, a shape that she found herself secretly liking. There hadn't been anything to dislike, as far as she knew.

That, and before they had gone to visit, Nanako had lectured her enthusiastically and at length about the Chiba family's good standing, and how important a good match was. There had been no trace of this scepticism. Though her father Kazunari had been present during the discussion too, which could have had something to do with it, given that he was close to the family.

"Well, as well as he's been brought up, the fact will always remain that he's…..lacking. "

"His blindness?"

Nanako pursed her lips at that, and sighed.

"Well, there's no need to state it so bluntly, but simply speaking…yes. You're a beauty, Rinne, I know you can do better. "

It had been Rinne's turn to frown and purse her lips at that, but she said nothing. Yet it did not feel right. Everyone knew that Ryuuichiro was blind, this was no secret or surprise. Her parents had agreed to his parents conditions when they'd been talking about the possibility of a betrothal between her and him, for this very reason. Otherwise there was no way her parents would have allowed her to break tradition so easily by having her go to him instead of the other way around.

But he didn't seem like a hapless, helpless victim because of his circumstances. That was not the impression she had got, though of course there was no way to know with only one meeting. But either way, her mother's cold judgement just did not feel right, and she dwelled on it.

"You don't need to agree to anything out of pity, you know." Her personal maid, Ryou, remarked cheerfully as she helped her get ready for bed later that night.

"I-I don't pity him!" Rinne told her hotly. This made Ryou laugh, and Rinne had to remind her about her little cousin Kohina , already fast asleep. Ryou apologised, and when she had recovered, explained.

" I've known you all your life, remember, Rinne-sama? You've always been kinder than people'd believe. But you can't just button up and go along with things, especially not like this. And you've got no obligation to say yes to them. It won't do any harm to say no after just one meeting."

Rinne raised an eyebrow, wondering where on earth Ryou got expressions like ' button up' from (though she really should have been used to it by now), but then shook her head.

"It's not pity." She said. "I don't pity him."

"Then what's this long face for?"

Rinne hesitated, and thought about it. She wasn't sure what it was. Not some sort of attraction-at-first-sight or anything of the sort. She liked what she had seen, but noting that was more factual than anything else. But there had been _something_.

"Blind or not, he should have the chance to prove himself, don't you think?" She eventually said. Ryou put down the hairbrush she had been wielding, and came around to crouch in front of Rinne.

"Rinne-sama, are you saying…?"

"Yes. I want to meet him again."

 **…**

Ryuuichiro did not expect the second meeting to ever happen. But somehow, it did. This time, halfway through, both his parents left. And so did hers, apparently. Or rather, her mother, given that apparently her father was away on business. From the sounds of it, Kazunari Hayami was almost always out conducting business, which was how he'd become such a successful merchant, presumably.

Not that he knew too much about any sort of business, nor would he be able to.

After the adults left, there was silence. Or an almost-silence. He could still hear some of the servants bustling around in the next room, the sounds of nature outdoors in the garden, Rinne's quiet breathing, opposite him. But for a while, neither of them said anything as they seemed to size each other up. He imagined that she was scrutinising him, using her eyes to decide something about him. What they were, he had no way of figuring out. But the silence wasn't uncomfortable. Far from it. There was something almost settled about it, and he'd just started to feel content in it when Rinne spoke.

"What are you feeling, about all of this?"

The bluntness of the question took him by surprise, especially given how melodic her voice was.

"Well…" he treaded carefully. "I'm grateful to my parents, of course. They want the same for me that they would any other son of theirs."

Rinne sighed at this, sounding annoyed. He curled his hands a little tighter. It wasn't his fault that he didn't understand.

"And?" she asked.

"And?" he echoed. She did not respond, and he waited for a while, before realising that she was waiting for _him_ to say something. Something more than what he had said.

"I doubt that it will work out. It never has before; otherwise I would not be here. But who can blame them? My parents and the other families both? They're both doing what they think and feel is right. But…it feels hopeless."

"I see." She replied. There was something sad in her voice. Not quite pity-he was familiar with pity, by now. This was not it, but he wasn't sure what it was.

"Do you?" Ryuuichiro challenged, despite this. Perhaps she was back here for a second time-which made her different already. But he didn't know if that was a good thing or not.

"I…." he heard her breath catch in her throat. "Not as such. But I have a mind, you know. I can think, and imagine, and wonder. And maybe I'm blessed because I can see, just like every other person, but you're a person too, aren't you?"

His hands, which he'd been balling into tight fists all through this, suddenly flattened out in surprise.

"I'm a person too….?" He queried.

"If you yourself don't know that, that's ridiculous." Came the response.

Once again, it wasn't what he was expecting, and after a moment, all he could do was laugh, and Rinne laughed too. Eventually, he calmed down and caught his breath.

"it feels good to laugh, doesn't it?"

"It does," she agreed, quietly. "That's why I am here."

"Ah, I see."

He said this neutrally, as if it was a simple response to what she had just said. But somehow, he knew what she really meant. And it made him feel as though perhaps things would not be hopeless this time around.

 **…**

When they met for the seventh time, they were given permission to wander the gardens of the Chiba home alone, just the two of them. Rinne quickly realised that the gardens had been adapted especially for Ryuuichiro, for the paths were not as complex and winding as in her own family gardens, for example, and generally, it was a much simpler place. And he had his own adaptations too-namely a ornately carved stick, which he held ahead of him to detect any obstacles.

" _It was a present, from the Isogai family." He explained as they walked down the corridor._

" _Ah, you know them well, then?"_

" _My mother's a distant relative, so we get visited by them often, on special occasions. And they are….kind."_

" _Yes, they are. Lord Isogai's younger brother is the same age as Kohina, so they play together. And Lady Kataoka was my calligraphy tutor. "_

" _I've never had the pleasure of being taught by her. Is she as stern as they say?"_

" _Oh, most definitely. But…she is rather lovely, too. I admired her, as a little girl. And generally, the family are a lovely one. I don't mind being connected with them. "_

" _Yes. I'm glad to know them too."_

But either way, the garden was still a lovely one. There was still a variety of plants, so that plenty was in bloom, whatever the season, and they were all colourful, fragrant, or both. The trees, planted at careful intervals, were all perfectly placed for sitting and viewing the scenery in the shade if one wanted to-there was even one section of the garden which was clearly there for cherry blossom viewing (even if Ryuuichiro would not have ever used it for that purpose). Part of her imagined that if there had been enough suitably-aged children, a good game of hide-and-seek could have taken place, despite its neatness.

Everywhere in this garden, she could hear the sounds of birds and bugs thriving-when she noted that, she thought that she should find a way of getting Kohina to come along on one of her next visits, because it was this in particular that she would love. And all in all, it was clear that the gardeners that the Chibas employed worked very hard to keep it that way too.

In other words, it was beautiful. And after a little while of slow walking, she told him so.

"Yes, it is." He said, easily, coming to a stop next to a willow tree. He closed his eyes and tilted his head upwards. "It's….calm here. Do you feel it?"

"Yeah, I do."

"it's nice here, because everyone talks about beauty, but that's supposed to be something that you can see. But this….you don't need to see it to know or feel that it's beautiful."

Rinne had been about to ask Ryuuichiro if he didn't wish he could see it, as well, but when he made this admission, she hesitated. Who was she to presume that was better, that it would be better? Wouldn't voicing such an option be hypocritical of her?

So instead, she closed her eyes, and lifted her own face towards the sky, and felt it. She'd been aware of the gentle breeze around them before, but properly paying attention to it, she noted how nice it felt on her skin, how it made her clothes rustle pleasingly. And how the sounds-of leaves, birds, the breeze itself- seemed somehow different.

"You're right." She murmured, keeping her eyes closed for a moment. "You're right."

"Is there a stream here somewhere?" she asked suddenly, opening her eyes in surprise. "I could hear the water."

"There is, over on the other side somewhere." Ryuuichiro opened his eyes too, and shrugged. "But I don't go near it often. I'm forbidden from doing so unless someone else is there to accompany me, so I don't really go there often."

"Oh. Well, why don't we go there now?" Rinne suggested. "You wouldn't be unaccompanied, after all."

Ryuuichiro bit his lip, and thought.

"Is this…is this something you would like to do?"

"Yes, it is." Rinne frowned. "Except, I don't know how to…."

She stepped forward and looked around, before spotting a gardener pruning a bush slightly ahead of them.

"U-Uhm, excuse me?" she called out. It took a few moments, but the gardener-a tall, lanky man with silvery hair-soon noticed them and loped over.

"Ah!" the gardener said. "I'm guessing you must be…but putting that aside for now, what can I help you with?"

"The stream, Rinne wants to see it. Could you take us there?"

"Uh…" the gardener blinked at Ryuuichiro's easy usage of her first name, but didn't comment on it. Instead, he hesitated, and looked over to Rinne.

"Is this correct, young lady?"

"Ryuuichiro told you so, didn't he?" she asked, calm but bristling. The gardener startled, muttering something in surprise-but then he bowed.

"I'm sorry about that. Let me take you over."

He did so, in near silence, and when they got there he pointed to others working nearby, in case they needed extra help, and then excused himself to go back to his work. Once he was out of earshot, she let out a breath and turned to Ryuuichiro to vent about the gardener, only to stop as she noticed he was seemingly puzzled about something.

"Is something the matter?"

"What did Souta-san mean by you clearly being as fiery as your hair?"

"Huh? I don't understa-no, wait, sorry." She suddenly realised. "The colour of my hair. My hair's colour is often compared to fire."

"Oh…I understand." Ryuuichiro blinked. Rinne blushed, and touched her hair, twisted up and secured with hairpins.

"So…the colour….is it warm, then?"

"What do you mean?"

"A fire….it feels warm, doesn't it? Because it produces heat? Does the colour….portray that?"

"I've not really thought about it, but…." Rinne closed her eyes for a moment, and imagined it. "I suppose so, yes."

"Oh. Then…." Now Ryuuichiro's cheeks went slightly pink. "I think in that case then, the colour of your hair is one of my favourites."

Rinne had to turn away for a moment, holding back an embarrassed laugh, and struggling to hold herself together. Then , she realised that this had given her a way to talk about what she'd been concerned to ask about earlier.

"So, in that case…are there any other colours you wish to know about?"

"…if you could."

So, standing by the stream, they spent the rest of that meeting talking about all the different colours, and how to make them visible to a blind person.

 **…**

By the 15th meeting or so, they'd fallen into a comfortable rhythm of sorts. When the weather permitted, they'd wander around the garden until they tired, and then would sit under a tree and talk for ages, about everything and anything. If they could not do that, then they'd use one of the guest rooms in the Chiba house, and more or less do the same thing, apart from the walking around. Sometimes, Rinne would play the shamisen for Ryuuichiro, because he liked music.

But in all truth and honesty, he liked the moments when they just talked about everything and anything the best. He loved her voice, but also liked the actual things she said. How honest she seemed, especially when it was just the two of them. He enjoyed the knowledge that he was being listened to properly, for once in his life, and how in return he was learning different things. He could listen to her forever, if he was able to.

But forever was an impossibility, for everything ended, he knew that much. He just hoped that wishing for the rest of his life wouldn't be asking for too much either.

 **…**

The night before the 21st meeting, Rinne woke up to the sounds of her parents arguing. For a moment, she thought that they were berating a third party, perhaps a servant for some misdemeanour-something which seemed to happen frequently. But sitting up and listening closer, she realised that was not the case.

"Do you know how embarrassing that will be?" Nanako's voice blared suddenly, and Rinne jumped, before collecting herself and listening closer. She couldn't quite hear what Kazunari was saying, for he at least seemed to be trying to prevent the household from waking up, but she heard something about a 'good family' and how there wasn't anything 'to be embarrassed about'. Nanako responded with something even more angrier, and it went backwards and forwards. Rinne just sat there, stock still, waiting for the moment when it all bubbled over.

"Rinne-sama, are you awake?"

"I am, Ryou. Do you know what's going on?"

"Ahh…" Rinne could picture it perfectly, the way her maid and life-long companion was screwing up her face as she thought about it. "I can make my best guess though."

"Which is?"

Ryou didn't say anything, but in the next moment, Rinne heard her name and sighed.

"Ah. Yes, I get it now."

"Indeed."

They both sat there, in the dark, and listened to the argument go on. Rinne listened to them go around and around in circles, a lot of it mirroring what Nanako had said to her after leaving the very first meeting. But then, after a while, Nanako mentioned something about their 'only daughter', and Kazunari lost it.

"Oh, for god's sake, Nanako, have you forgotten Kohina? She's still our blood, too, and we're the ones my sister entrusted with her upbringing! I won't have you saying she isn't our daughter as much as Rinne is!"

"Ryou!" Rinne whispered, panicked. Quietly, Ryou got up and padded over.

"She's still asleep, it's alright." She reported after a few moments. "But I'll stay here, just in case."

"Thank you."

"Rinne-sama, you should try to go back to sleep. It won't do you any good to listen to this, particularly as you have to get up early."

"I know that."

"But you're still staying up anyway."

"Yes, I am."

There was another silence. The argument was still going on, but now Rinne couldn't hear a single word of what was being said. It was still safe to assume that she was still the topic of the argument.

"Aaand you're still going tomorrow, aren't you?"

"Yes." Rinne sighed. "I am."

 **…**

"I think I might be falling in love with you." Ryuuichiro admitted to Rinne during their 35th meeting, as they stood by the stream, listening to the gentle rushing of the water.

"I feel the same, so I don't think that's such a bad thing." Was all she said to this admission.

That was all that needed to be said, really.

…

On the 36st meeting, they were officially considered betrothed. A date for the wedding day was set as well- in the next year, once the cherry blossom season had ended.

In other words, an exact year after they had met.

 **…**

On the 44th meeting, Rinne brought Kohina along with her. The little girl had been asking to meet Ryuuichiro for quite a while, having watched things proceed from their home in wide-eyed wonder, no doubt wondering what it would be like when she was old enough to start thinking about marriage prospects. So eventually, as a late eighth birthday treat, Rinne had given in, and asked for permission from her parents and his to bring her along. Ryou had to accompany them too, with the idea that she'd take Kohina home separately, before Rinne was due to go back.

So far, the idea hadn't proved too bad. The day was clear, and so they'd gone out into the garden, which Kohina had naturally fallen in love with, almost instantly deciding to run ahead with no fear or hesitation, squealing with joy at everything she saw. And there were questions, lots and lots of questions.

"How big is this garden?"

"Do you come here all the time?"

"Do you think Rin-nee is pretty?"

"If you can't see, then how do you make sure you don't trip over?"

"What sort of games do you play?"

"What's your favourite animal? "

"Are there any cats in here?"

"What's your favourite food? Smell? Sound?"

"So, are you and Rin-nee friends or something now?"

This last question made them all stop in their tracks and stare at her. Kohina blinked innocently. Rinne glanced at Ryuuichiro, wondering what he made of it, but couldn't quite see what he was thinking. But before she could answer, he stepped forward slightly, and knelt down, clearly trying to be at Kohina's level.

"I suppose we are. Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering. But if you are, then that means you're lucky, you know!"

"….Lucky?" Rinne raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Because you're friends, and you're marrying each other. You don't usually get to do that, right?"

"Generally speaking, yes…" Rinne started.

"Exactly! You're lucky! "

"Kohina-sama, where are you getting these conclusions from?" Ryou chuckled, raising an eyebrow.

"It's true though, right? It's much nicer to marry a friend than someone you don't really know, right?"

"Yes, you're right." Ryuuichiro put in, getting up. "We are lucky. Don't you think so too, Rinne?"

"Ah….erm…" Rinne rapidly felt her cheeks going red, and shot a dark look at Ryou, who found it amusing.

"Yes." She eventually answered. Kohina beamed, and giggled.

"Let's go to the stream!" she said, forgetting the conversation and running ahead again. Ryou chased after her, and the rest of the time spent together was relatively silly, but uneventful, with the rest of Kohina's endless questions being mostly restricted to things about the garden. In the end, she ended up staying the entire time, and so went home with Rinne instead of earlier, as planned. When she tried to apologise, Ryuuichiro waved it off.

"It's fine." He told her just before they parted. "I quite enjoyed her company. Not as much as yours, but still. She can visit us again, if she likes. Even after next year."

Of course, when they got home and Rinne told Kohina this, she almost exploded with joy.

 **…**

Rinne was unusually quiet on the 51st meeting, and this troubled Ryuuichiro.

It was the middle of winter, and the air was thickened down and silent as a result of the snow that had fallen-soft and dense and very, very cold. Earlier, Rinne had snuck outside and scooped up a handful and pressed it into his cupped hands, allowing him to feel it. He had played with it a little, pushing it together and marvelling how something so fluffy and light could turn into a hard, compact ball-something that apparently hurt a lot when it flew at someone and hit them. She had described to him how the same could be achieved with the snow on the ground, with people constantly stepping over the same covered ground, and how even someone with the most perfect eyes could slip over and hurt themselves if not careful. She'd told him of the way the snow blanketed everything, so that most of the garden was a smooth white sheet.

Afterwards, when the snowball had started to melt in his hands, she had snuck it out again, and then taken his hands in hers to warm them up, and then they had shared stories of winters long past. His had mostly been second-hand ones, overheard from servants, or occasionally told directly to him by his father or the Isogai family. Hers had been mostly about Kohina and Ryou, given that one was still a child who liked to play, and the other apparently had a higher tolerance for the cold given her foreign blood. He soaked up every word, as he always did.

But after a while, her words began to dry up, and soon disappeared completely, something unusual for her. Usually it was he who ran out, because he knew so little of the world, but in any case, he could tell it was more than that. It was something in the sound of her breathing-wistful, measured, as if disappearing somewhere into her head.

"What's wrong?" he asked, cautiously. Rinne sighed, and didn't answer immediately.

"Do you remember hearing what happened in the winter two years ago..?"

"Two years ago…." Ryuuichiro thought about this, trying to figure it out, and then gasped. "You can't possibly be talking about the Yanagi family massacre."

He remembered that all too well, it had been all anybody could think about back then. His parents had told him directly, if only so he wasn't seen to not know about current events.

The Yanagis were one of the most prestigious families in the area, admired for their intellect and morals….and then the current Lord Yanagi of the time had gone and murdered his new wife, Yuri. While the officials of the land were wringing their hands about what to do with him-torn between bowing to his importance and trying to enforce the idea that murder was murder no matter who committed it-someone had come in the night and murdered him in turn, and everyone else in the household. And this had coincided with the disappearance of Lord Yanagi's sister in law, Yuri's little sister Kaede, who was about Rinne's current age at the time. Though there was nothing to confirm this, it was rumoured that she had done the deed, in revenge, before disappearing off into the night. As for her current fate-each rumour became wilder, but none of them spelt good news for young Kaede.

"Yes. I am talking about that." Rinne said flatly.

"Ah…" there was something else there, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Luckily, Rinne suddenly seemed eager to explain.

"I knew her, a little Kaede Yukizome. We took dance lessons together, my mother taught her herself. She was really good in the most theatrical styles, and she was…..sweet. She liked sweeter foods, certainly. And she was sort of bubbly and cheerful, always bouncing along wherever life took her. Though I wouldn't have counted her as a friend-to be honest, she had more in common with Ryou than with me-whenever we took a break for a drink, they were always giggling about something….and Ryou was always teasing her, you know, just as she does. "

"When was the last time you saw her?"

"A few weeks before her sister's death, for a lesson. She was….she smiled as much as ever, but there was something lurking. Yet if I tried to look closer….I guess she should have been on stage, because she still looked normal to me. And then everything happened."

"And you wondered if you should have looked harder, or done something."

"It's not as if that could have prevented Lord Yanagi from murdering Yuri-san. Nobody foresaw that. Not that I'm aware of."

"No, they didn't. But with the sister…"

"Yeah…..she wasn't my friend; it's no real loss to me if she ran away with one of Shinigami's apprentices or whatever it is she did afterwards, but…"

"But you are human, and you knew her, and someone you care about cared about her." Ryuuichiro concluded. "Rinne, what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing is wrong with that. But….oh, I don't know. The snow was this thick that year, too. Perhaps I'm just thinking of it because of that."

Ryuuichiro considered that. The incident was still one that weighed on her mind, clearly, but it was as if she wanted to make it seem as insignificant as possible. That didn't strike him as fair. Hesitating, he listened out for what she was doing, and heard her fidget slightly, taking a deep breath in, lifting her arm up to her face. Perhaps she was wiping her eyes-eyes which were apparently green (the colour of the smell of grass, or the feel of the sunlight through leaves in the summer, as she had told him). Beautiful eyes, he imagined, though there was no way to know. The idea of them filling with tears saddened him.

So after yet another moment's hesitation, he lifted up his hand and reached out experimentally, until his fingers made contact with the smooth skin of her cheek, before carefully cupping her face in a way that he hoped was comforting. And apparently it was, for a beat later Rinne covered his hand with her own, and they remained like that for a moment, simply facing each other. Neither of them said anything, because as with so many other things, nothing needed to be said.

A moment later, he heard the door slide open and they both let their hands fall back to their sides as a servant entered-one of the kitchen girls, it seemed like- and asked them if they wanted any food prepared for them. Ryuuichiro declined, but Rinne politely requested a drink, and so the kitchen girl went away with promises to get it to her as soon as possible.

When she was gone, there was another silence. But once again, it was a lighter silence, as soft as the snow had been in his hands.

 **…**

"Do you actually think that this would work?"

Ryuuichiro asked this unexpectedly on the 59th meeting, taking Rinne aback, and so it took her a moment to answer.

"Of course it is!" even with her surprise, she didn't need to ask what he was referring to. "That's a ridiculous thing to be worried about."

"Is it?"

"Yes." Rinne sighed.

"Even though-"

"I said this before, didn't I?" Rinne interrupted. "I have a mind of my own. So, we can figure this out. The things that you can't do and I can do, I'll do. And things that you can't do, but I don't know how to do-I'll learn. And there'll be things that I can't do at all, but which you could do-I'll leave those to you."

 _The six-year-old Rinne watched, spellbound, at the archers with their arrows, and looked over at Kazunari, standing tall and proud as he fired his arrow and it hit the practice target dead-centre. Over and ove r again, with no hesitation. Almost like magic._

" _What did you think of that, Rinne?" he asked when he had finished, and came over to her._

" _That I want to do that too!" she said instantly. "Can I try, Papa? Please?"_

" _Well….it's not the done thing, but…..you're a child, and if you're supervised by me, it can't hurt."_

 _Rinne beamed. She was definitely going to work as hard as she could, so she could be as good as any other archer in the land, even if she would have to stop once she was older._

When she had finished, she took a deep breath, and glanced over at Ryuuichiro. For a moment, his face was utterly blank, and she wondered if finally, after all this time, she had gone too far. But then his posture relaxed, though his grip on the cane he always used tightened.

"I believe you. But what if….you fail? Or I do? Or both of us do? And what if it's something serious, that we fail at?"

Because no matter how cushioned they were by prestige, long-standing family names and the skills they both had, failures were never tolerated in this land. Not that they would fail, but even so…

" _If we don't want everything we've worked for to collapse, this is the only way to go about it!"_

Rinne shook her head in annoyance. Now was not the time to think of her parents' latest late-night argument, even if it had resulted in Kazunari taking an unannounced trip overseas. In any case, in just over a month, she wouldn't have to listen to such things anymore.

"So, we try again. Over and over, as much as it takes. We try again." She stated, with as much conviction as she could. "Until we get it right, we keep trying."

"No matter what happens?" Ryuuichiro asked tentatively. But all the tension had gone. For now, whatever worries he had were tabled, put aside.

"No matter what." She confirmed.

 **…**

The 70th meeting was their final meeting before they would be married. The end of one thing, but the beginning of another, something that would be worth looking forward to. That was what they believed, when in truth, it was actually going to spell the end, and nothing more than that.

Of course, they didn't know that yet.

The snow had entirely melted, and the cherry blossoms had come and were now gradually fading, so they had gone to the garden after having spent meeting after meeting indoors. They'd gone to the stream at first, but later on had wandered over to the field where the Chibas usually held cherry blossom viewings-where they had, in fact, held one not too long ago- and sat down there for a while, talking as if everything was normal, as if they weren't taking one big step into the unknown-that is to say, the rest of their life.

"Are you hungry, by any chance?" Rinne asked, eventually.

"Why, are you?" Ryuuichiro shot back. Rinne bit down a chuckle.

"N-not exactly. It would be nice to have something to eat while we're out here. Something light."

"I could go and see if the kitchen have anything light already prepared that they could give us-" he suggested, staring to get up. Rinne got up quicker.

"No, it's alright. I can go. I know my way around here. I trust that you'll be fine on your own." She set off before he could raise an objection.

Her intention was to find one of the gardeners, or maybe another wandering servant, and send them off to the kitchen with her-their-request. But for some reason, the garden seemed almost uninhabited, which was somewhat odd. She was sure the household had been buzzing with activity when she had been dropped off that day.

As cautiously and quietly as she could, given the clunkiness of her wooden shoes and the heaviness of the green and blue outfit she had chosen to wear, Rinne made her way down the different paths heading back to the house. She expected that maybe it was being so far across the garden that had resulted in her not being able to see any signs of life, but even as she got closer, she couldn't see anyone at all. Or hear anyone. In fact, it was as silent as though it was a winter's night, a night like….

She actively tried to push that thought from her mind, shaking her head vigorously enough to almost dislodge one of her hairpins, which she quickly stopped to adjust as she got her breathing under control, before moving on and trying to remain calm. There was no reason to think anything similar could have happened here. There was simply no reason or motive for such a thing to happen. And yet, fear churned in her belly and stopped her from calling out, asking where everyone had gone. Instead, she went off of the path, and tried to hide herself amongst the trees and other plants as she continued to approach the house.

But all the rationalising she did evaporated almost instantly when the house came into view…and she saw someone-one of the younger servants, by the looks of things- lying outside it, face down, on the ground. It looked as if she had been cleaning around the outside veranda, for there were some scrubbing cloths and a pail of water on the ground nearby, with the pail having been tipped over. The cause was evident-a single arrow, sticking out of the girl's back.

For a moment, all Rinne could do was stare. Then, questions flooded through her head. Who had done it? Why? Had they specifically targeted the servant girl, or was this a wider attack? Had they left? Rinne wondered if she should perhaps venture into the house, check that Ryuuichiro's parents were alright, but then something made her look up and notice a flash of blue whiz past her, leaping through the trees, and though she still didn't know anything for sure, she ran.

Because she was sure that the person was going after Ryuuichiro, and she didn't want that to happen.

She stayed off the path, running through the clumps of plants that she had once thought would be perfect for a child's game. More than once, she stumbled over stray sticks and leaves on the ground, or even the weight of her own clothes, but she didn't let them stop her, she just kept going, as though she was the one being pursued.

" _And what happens if they come after us while you're gone?!"_

" _That won't happen. Do you think I'm that foolish that I haven't cleaned up after myself?"_

The flashback of the last argument suddenly rang out in Rinne's mind, and she almost halted in surprise, but thinking of Ryuuichiro spurred her on. Still, she wondered if perhaps she had been wrong to dismiss the argument out of hand, as little more than her parents clashing personalities. There had been so many little things over the past year, but they had been pushed aside in favour of…

Just in time, she leapt out of the way of an arrow whizzing through the air. It lodged itself in a tree slightly ahead of her. Wildly, she stopped in her tracks, and looked around, breathing heavy.

"Come out!" she called, defiant and annoyed. "Wherever and whoever you are, come out and explain yourself!"

The response to this was two more arrows being fired from a tree above her. One just about missed her, but the other got caught in her arm, and sent pain coursing all through her body. Gritting her teeth, she pulled it out-ripping her sleeve and making her bleed-and flung it on the ground before continuing on.

"They're good." She murmured, wishing that becoming a woman hadn't meant giving up the archery she'd once been so eager to learn. Perhaps then she could have apprehended these assailants, but as it was, she just kept running and running. When she got to near where she thought the bridge was, she pushed through the plants she was hidden within and decided to go back on the path. It would be easier and quicker.

It soon turned out she wasn't quite where she thought she had been, but she saw the stream a little further away, which meant she was still almost there, so she kept going. Running, running, as fast as she could despite the fact her arm ached and she was incredibly tired and she just wanted this to stop. She kept going, closer and closer towards the bridge, when she saw a figure appear at the other end. From this far, they were little more than a figure, but the slow and careful gait, accompanied with what was clearly a cane, left her in little doubt as to who it was.

"Ryu-"

Rinne was abruptly cut off by a new figure appearing, behind Ryuuichiro. This person was of indeterminate gender, and seemed young. They were all dressed in black, and this included a mask, but even from the distance they were at, she could see that their eyes were bright gold, and there was something oddly familiar. The figure pulled out a shiny blade from a pocket somewhere on their dark outfit, and held it to Ryuuichiro's throat, while leaning into whisper something. Whatever it was, he reacted strongly, trying to wriggle out of the figure's grasp, but their grip was apparently iron like, for he couldn't move.

"Wha-" the figure turned their head to look straight at her, but didn't seem to react. Instead, they tipped their head slightly to the side, and a moment later, she felt someone come up behind her and grab her, in a similar way.

"You are Kazunari Hayami's older daughter, aren't you?" the new person asked in a quiet but oddly ringing voice- for some reason, it made her think of the colour blue. Rinne refused to answer, and instead attempted to pull away. This didn't work, and her captor just repeated their question.

"I am. What does that matter? What have you done to my family? Why are you doing this? Who-"

Suddenly, panic and anger made the questions tumble out, but when the knife at her throat started to press harder, she forgot about that and impulsively kicked out behind her, and somehow managed to surprise her assailant enough that she could escape, and started to run again.

Somehow, in the short time she'd been grabbed at, Ryuuichiro had been knocked to the ground, and the mysterious-yet oddly familiar- figure had fled. She herself ran over and knelt down on the ground, trying to ignore the blood everywhere.

"Ryuuichiro? Are you…are you okay?"

There was a long silence, and then he managed to roll over, and his eyes opened, as bright-yet-cloudy as always. And yet…there was something sad in them.

"We….we're going to die…." Was the first thing he said.

"Don't be ridiculous! We won't! I can still run, I'll help you, we can go to the house and get some help. Someone at the house will get help." Rinne didn't mention the dead servant.

"I don't…..think so…..the girl who….caught me said that…they weren't allowed to stop until we…."

"Until we're dead?" Rinne completed. Then, something occurred to her.

"A girl?"

"She sounded….like a girl. Higher voice though, not as pretty as yours."

"Oh. That's….strange. But in any case, hold on. We can get some help, it'll be fine…..it has to be fine. We haven't even…..we haven't even started….our life….I'm sorry…." Rinne huffed with the struggle of trying to even get him into a sitting position.

"It's okay. You can leave me and go…"

"No, I can't! That would be breaking….a….promise…" Rinne stopped and tried to catch her breath. "If I…don't keep trying."

"But they'll…. Probably….. come back….and hurt you." He was matter-of-fact, too much so. "So please….please go…"

"But…"

"If we can't try…. again now,….then the…. next life… would work… too, right? And if not that one, then the next. "

"And we can keep on trying, until we get it completely right." Rinne finished, echoing the promise that they had made. Ryuuichiro nodded at her.

"Exactly. And maybe…, in one of these lives, I'll get to-"

At that moment, Rinne felt a sharp pain cut across her throat, and everything went black, so she didn't hear the end of his sentence. But her final thought was that she knew exactly what he had said.

" _And maybe in one of those lives, I'll get to see you."_

* * *

 **Happy New Year!**

 **This story was meant to be in alternating POVs but somehow that got messed up. And also, I realised halfway through that this story would probably make more sense as a multichapter with more than two POVs, rather than a one-shot with just two POVs, so it's ended up a bit awkward. Hopefully I got the point across and it is enjoyable anyway, but I apologise for this.**

 **But anyway, only one more chapter to go, the one that circles back to the present again! I hope you're looking forward to that. I'm an awkward moron and I've decided to start a new Dangan Ronpa SYOC, which I'll be releasing later this month, but I'll be starting work on the final chapter of this before doing that, and while collecting OCs I will still work on this whenever I am on my desktop, so hopefully this story will finish around February or March.**

 **Also, in case you were wondering, me using the name 'Rinne' in this chapter and the last has significance. Of course, in the last chapter it was a childish blending of 'Rin' and 'Onee-san' whereas here it's an actual first name, but it's also a word that apparently means 'Reincarnation' in Japanese. I'm no expert, so I'm not sure, but I do know the meaning of the word is related to that sort of concept.**

 **But anyway, enough of me babbling for now. Hope you enjoyed this chapter despite it's pitfalls, and please leave feedback!**


	8. This Time, part 2

_This Time  
2014  
Chances Within Our Reach_

* * *

 _Something like this has happened to me before. To us._

It's the most ridiculous thought-not quite enough to stop her in her tracks as she runs, but enough to stop her mind from racing, and for a few things to become clear. The weird, blurry images from her dreams start to become clearer, arranging themselves into sequence, and then she realised something else.

 _This has happened before._

In different ways, in radically different circumstances, as different people. Even with the increased clarity, she still couldn't make full sense of things, but she knew for sure that in each of these lives they had been separated before a year had gone by. Hence the wish she had made on New Year's. Hence the sense of feeling that finally, he could see her. Hence the general, underpinning familiarity that seemed to colour so much of what they said and did to each other. All of this had happened before. They had lived before.

 _Past lives. That's ridiculous._

And yet, it was clearly true.

Slowing down as she begins to feel short of breath, Hayami tries to call Chiba again. And then, finally, after three rings, he picks up.

"Have you seen it then?" he asks without preamble. "The moon?"

"I watched it happen."

"Oh. " There is a pause, as if he's considering this.

"I didn't." he says eventually. "I was asleep. But one of Nee-san's friends texted her, and woke her up with the news, then once she'd looked out of the window she woke all of us up….now my parents are trying to calm my little sisters down and persuade them that the world isn't ending."

"Isn't it? It's hardly a good sign that _most of the moon blew up_."

"No, but…we're still standing, aren't we? For now, that's the only thing that's happened."

"I suppose…." Hayami grudgingly admits. There is another pause, and then Chiba sighs.

"Are you at home?" he asks.

"No, I….." Hayami trails off, suddenly embarrassed. "Are you?"

"Just outside, yeah. But, if you want, I can come and meet you. Are you near the park?"

Hayami takes a quick look around her, making note of her current surroundings.

"I'm about 10 minutes away."

"If I can walk fast, I'll be about 15 minutes. Is that…is that allright with you?"

"Yeah."

"I'll see you then."

He hangs up, and she blinks at her phone before putting it back in her pocket, and continuing on.

 **…**

She arrived at the park in her estimated 10 minutes, and just as Chiba had promised, he turned up five minutes later. Of course, at that time of night the park itself was closed, so rather than go inside, they stood outside the gates, under a lamp post.

"Are you alright?" he asks.

"S-sure…" Hayami trails off suddenly, then shrugs heavily. "No, not really. I'm afraid."

"Hmmm."

Chiba doesn't say anything for a moment, and they just stand there, regarding each other. Hayami notices that he's dressed for the outdoors, as though he had expected to have to leave the house after the moon explosion. And then there's her.

 _Oh well, at least I'm wearing a jacket and shoes,_ she rationalises, before mentally face-palming. There were other issues at hand.

"So…" she starts at the same time as Chiba goes to say something.

"Ah, sorry." He apologises. "You go first."

"No, it's fine. You go first."

"…..I'd argue, but I somehow feel that'd be less productive…so…." He sticks his hands into his pocket.

"There's this strange…..actually, no. I don't know. What I'm trying to ask doesn't make any sense?"

"Try anyway." Hayami suggests cautiously. She tries to glean what it is from his expression, but she cannot tell.

 _Does he know too? Has he figured it out?_

"I….for a moment, I thought I've lived through this before. Not the moon, but the more general threat of being separated from you. I thought, we've just found each other again, and it's April already, it's not that long to go until it's a year, so not again, this couldn't possibly happen again."

"We've been almost there before, though."

This comment is met with silence, and Chiba just stares. Hayami stares back. Eventually, he visibly deflates.

"You know what I'm talking about." He states.

"Yes. Well, I'm making the assumption that I do, anyway."

There is another pause before once again, they both try to say something at the same time. This time, Hayami goes first, and then they spend the next few minutes sharing questions and answers and stories, words occasionally leaping over each other in their eagerness to share what they remember about the lives they'd shared before. And with the number they've had, and the variety, there doesn't seem to be a lack of things to share, until eventually, they both run out of air, and fall silent again.

Hayami looks up at the moon and lets out a breath. _It's so small. How does something like that happen?_ Across the road, she sees some people pointing and babbling, some even attempting to take pictures on their phones. None of them seem to be paying attention to her and Chiba. _Most likely they think we're talking about the moon,_ she thinks wryly. They wouldn't be 100% wrong in that sense.

"What happens now?"

"I don't know. I suppose they'll tell us on the news, tomorrow. It's hard to imagine they'd keep completely silent about something like this."

"Hmmm. I guess that elsewhere in the world, they might be feeling the effects."

"Yeah."

"I suppose we're lucky for now, then." She decides, eventually.

"We are. "

"….I hope we remain like that, though. " she admits. "I'm not sure how long we can keep going like this. I know I promised I'd keep trying, but…"

"…it feels like we're at our limit. This is it. It needs to work this time, or it won't work at all." Chba completes her sentence.

 _And I can't let that happen._

"Yeah," she sighs. "Yeah."

"Well….I suspect we'll get through the rest of the night. Let's do that, and then try and get to school tomorrow, and see what happens. Do you want me to walk you home?"

"Please."

 **…**

When she gets home, her mother has a go at her, somewhat unsurprisingly. But given the shock of the moon exploding, she leaves it at that and lets Hayami be. And as soon as that happens, she heads straight to her bed and falls asleep almost as soon as her head hits the pillow. For the first time in ages, her sleep is dreamless, but she barely has time to appreciate this before her alarm goes off and she has to get ready for school.

She travels the whole way alone, but they text most of the way, and by the time she gets to the bottom of the path, he is there too, and they make their way up together…only to see that there is no sign of their teacher. Usually, Yukimura is bustling around either in the classroom or the staffroom, always ready with a big smile and a greeting, always prepared to dispense advice. Neither of them usually engage this with anything beyond the required politeness, but the absence is chilling all the same.

It doesn't help that apparently there is a new student, as well. A girl, short and perky with green hair tied into cat-eared pigtails. She seems to have made a friend out of Nagisa, and naturally Kataoka and Isogai are engaging with her too. When Kataoka notices them standing by the door, staring in some bemusement, she beckons them over, and introductions are made, revealing that the girl is called Kaede Kayano.

"So, you transferred over here and ended straight in 3E? " Chiba asks once names have been exchanged. The girl laughs sheepishly, cheeks tinting slightly as she rubs the back of her head.

"Well, about that…" Kayano trails off and pouts before giggling. "I kind of accidentally broke something in Principal Asano's office…."

"Well, that's a guaranteed ticket to this class." Hayami remarks, more stiffly than intended. Kayano's the epitome of harmless and cheerful, yet there is a feeling tugging at the back of Hayami's mind, telling her to be careful with this girl.

But for her part, the new girl doesn't seem to take offence (or even notice) and simply laughs again, gold eyes twinkling.

"Yeah, I don't even know how it happened…I guess I just have to deal with it now."

"Yeah…we're not all bad here, though." Isogai is quick to reassure. "Kataoka and I will make sure you're introduced to everyone."

"Yeah, that's right. And I'm sure Yukimura-sensei will make sure you'll settle in….." Nagisa adds, trailing off halfway through what was an initially enthusiastic statement.

"Where _is_ Yukimura-sensei?" Hayami takes the opportunity to ask. "Did either of you hear anything?"

Isogai and Kataoka shake their heads, almost in unison.

"Nothing. There's just a note on the board. "

Hayami and Chiba both swivel around, and sure enough, there is a note on the board, tersely written, telling them that they should get on with independent studies for the day. It doesn't seem to be in Yukimura's handwriting, and that troubles Hayami. And as she looks over at Kayano, she gets the same unsettling feeling again.

 _It's like Yukimura was swapped over for this girl._

"Does Yukimura-sensei usually do things like this?" Kayano asks.

"Well, no, but we've only had her for two weeks…." Nagisa explains. "But this doesn't seem like her."

"It is a strange situation…especially considering last night." Isogai adds. "But we'll make the best of it."

This sparks a discussion of the moon explosion, and what it could possibly mean. As others enter the class, they join the conversation too, with speculations and stories about what they had been doing when it had happened. It gets mixed in with theories about what has happened to Yukimura, and despite the board's instructions, nobody does very much work at all.

When lunch-time comes, and there is no news about their teacher, a good few decide to up and leave, unsurprisingly including Terasaka and his small group. Others decide to go and sit outside-Hinano announces that she is off nature-spotting, dragging Kayano and Nagisa with her too for whatever reason-,and Hayami and Chiba silently come to a decision to go further into the forest.

They go to one of their favoured spots, and sit under a tree, before taking out their lunches and eating in silence. The noise of their classmates-the ones who are still around-drifts through, but apart from that it's just them and the breeze. _Just like back then,_ she thinks, recalling days spent in a beautiful garden.

She looks up, but with the leaves forming a canopy, she can't really see the moon. Despite the events of the day before, she finds herself gladdened by this. But still, questions swirl around and around in her head. Eventually, she loses her appetite, and gives up on toying with the portion of rice she had left, and instead looks down, at the space between them, and her hand, resting on the ground there, next to his.

Though naturally, his hand is slightly larger, owing to their ages, they're actually similar overall. It strikes her-there have been times when his has been the larger by far, and others when she had the larger hands, for being older. _It's so strange, how different we've been each time._ She wonders what mechanism of having multiple lives dictates these things, how it all works. She can't wrap her head around it, but however it works, she knows it has done something right, because from what she remembers from each of her lives, there has always been one constant in the parts of it that they've had together, and the same applies now.

 _Don't let it get taken away, please…_

On an impulse, Hayami edges her hand closer to Chiba, but he seems to have gotten the same idea at the same time, for he does the same-only without looking as he's also still eating his own lunch-and their hands bump into each other. Startled, he turns and looks at her in surprise. She feels her cheeks heat up, but she doesn't move away or look away, she just stares.

A moment passes, and then, very slowly, Chiba lifts his hand and covers her hand carefully, almost tentatively. He regards their hands for a moment, and then looks back up at her and smiles, tentatively. Hayami searches for the right words to say, but doesn't come up with any, so she simply smiles back.

And that turns out to be the only answer needed, as they both go back to eating their lunches and wondering about the future.

 **…**

The next day, there is still no Yukimura, but this time the note on the board tells them that there will be a new teacher, so Kataoka corrals those who would be inclined to skip again, and everyone sits at their desk to wait, watching the seconds tick by on the cheap plastic clock on the wall.

And sure enough, when it gets to the time Yukimura would take the register, someone walks in. Or rather, somebody. For it is hard to call the incredibly tall, yellow, graduation-gowned, round-faced creature a person. It rather resembles an octopus, but that's all that registers, as the sight of the creature renders them all silent. Behind him, a severe looking dark-haired man in a black suit and white shirt, followed by a couple of similarly-dressed people. Despite the ridiculous appearance of the creature, this small group bring a dark cloud with them, and Hayami has to fight to hold back a shudder.

For a moment, none of the strangers say anything, and people turn to their neighbours and exchange looks. Hayami manages to catch Chiba's eye and silently asks _Do you know what's going on?_ He responds with a shrug, and then turns around when the creature makes a noise like he's clearing his throat.

"I'm the one responsible for blowing up the moon, and I will be doing the same to the earth next March, unless I am killed before then. In the meantime though, I'll be your teacher!"

 _Huh?_

 **…**

Very quickly, their life takes an unusual turn, as they learn that the government wants to take advantage of the situation by having them trained in the arts of assassination, so that they can take him down before next March rolls around. Soon, Hayami finds herself feeling that she is living a double life, as homework and weapons training take equal priority in the lessons with the creature (who is eventually dubbed 'Koro-sensei' by Kayano). Even knowing she's had more life experience than her age isn't enough to help Hayami handle this, but she puts on a mature act and gets on with it the best she can.

They're trained in all sorts, but Hayami finds herself drawn to the guns. Chiba does too. They take to them with an alarming intensity, but they know why. They know it all too well.

After a few weeks, after a practise session in what is supposed to be their P.E. lesson, Karasuma tells them that they're naturals, but reminds them not to be complacent. They just nod at this, and join everyone else in tidying up.

They end up being tasked with putting away the weapons in their crates, and they do so quietly and efficiently, but when they stack the last box on top of the others, Chiba pauses, and looks at the weapons. Hayami stands by and watches him.

"Strange, isn't it? Once again, I'm in a situation where I'm handling these."

"Indeed." _I'm in a situation where for once I can handle a gun and control what it does, instead of simply having to watch the destruction it unleashes._

"At least we have the years of experience. "

"I wouldn't let anyone else hear that, if I were you." Hayami says lightly, though she is still serious.

 _But I agree. Maybe this will be how we finally take control of our lives and get the chance we've been searching for._

Chiba nods, and after a moment, he turns away, and they head back to class.

 **…**

Something else Hayami soon notices is how many of the faces in her class are familiar to her from these past lives, and as the time goes by and the memories solidify she recognises and matches more and more of them.

Rio teases her and she suddenly feels a pang for the maid and companion she once grew up with. In exchanging a simple 'good morning' with Kanzaki, she has a flashback of a person she once called a coworker. Overhearing Hinano's constant streams of chatter she is reminded of both an older sister and a younger sister-figure. Her quiet respect for Kataoka and Isogai comes from more than their role as 3E's representatives. Others are less significant, possible neighbours and acquaintances. A few directly contradict each other, for she remembers caring, hating and being completely indifferent to them depending on the life . Others she just doesn't recognise at all, but when she brings it up with Chiba, she discovers that he recognises them, but again she finds that his recognition and feelings for their classmates (and, to an extent, their two human teachers) vary wildly from life to life.

She wonders if there is a meaning to that, if perhaps this classroom they are all now in is a different part of her fate. If it's something that's a part of all their destinies. Certainly, being classmates in the type of class they're in has put them on an equal playing field in a way they never had in their other lives. And there are a few classmates who seem to be playing out their own stories-from what she remembers of them, they too were always together, so she suspects that she and Chiba are not the only ones searching for a life together. And of those classmates that seem to be searching she hopes that they , too, will find it this time around.

But she knows that she won't say anything, or ask anyone else about it. Perhaps it is what it is, but it's still preposterous. And in any case, there isn't the time or the space to care too much.

Not when she has her own life to fight for.

 **…**

"Alright, that's enough for today. We'll resume at the same time tomorrow. "

"Yes, Karasuma-sensei!" the class choruses as they eagerly get up and scramble to put things away and get changed so that they can go home. At the same time, there is a buzz of excitement at how things are coming together. _This is it_ , is the general sentiment. The plan, to be executed on their summer holiday school trip, it will be the _one_. The one that will kill Koro-sensei and save the planet. Hayami isn't as outwardly enthusiastic about it, but she too shares the excitement, given her own role in the plans. Already, her classmates make plans for what they will do with their share of the reward-a celebration, a vacation, education, fame, food, and they nag her for her own ideas and hopes. She echoes back what they have said, but in truth, there is one thing that she is working for, and it isn't necessarily something that money can buy.

 _Still, it will stand us in good stead when we do gain it._

When she has finished changing, she slips away and out of the building, hefting her bag onto her shoulder as she does so. Chiba is leaning against the wall, reading a book while waiting. When he senses her, he looks up and nods, tucking the book into his bag and then zipping it up. He tips his head, a silent question, and when Hayami nods, they set off down the winding path.

They talk business-that is to say, assassination plans-almost all the way, only half-registering the others go past them. But when they reach the bottom, and are back in public again, they stop, and go silent as they make their way to their bus stop.

"Hey…do you think we can actually do it?" Chiba ventures eventually.

"We've planned everything down to the final detail, and Karasuma-sensei's having us practice up until then." Hayami replies.

"Yes….even so." Chiba frowns.

Hayami frowns too, wondering what the issue is, but then his face clears and he sighs. Absently, she wonders if his eyes are red as they've been in the other lives, though something already tells her that they are. She files the thought aside for the moment as she reaches in her bag for the snacks she'd brought with her that day

"I guess if we keep doing what we have to keep doing, then it will be fine." He concludes, eventually. Hayami nods.

"Yes." She agrees, holding out one of the snack packets to him. "I would think so. In any case, can you believe it's already nearly the end of the first term?"

"The time has gone by, hasn't it? " Chiba comments.

At that point, the bus comes, and they climb on and beeline straight to their usual seat. Almost in unison, they open their snacks and start to eat, something which makes Hayami smirk, and as the bus starts to move again they enjoy another comfortable moment. Then, it hits her.

"Chiba, we met in May."

"Huh?" he looks at her, something in his expression indicative of a raised eyebrow.

"We met in May. The end of May."

Again, he doesn't respond, seemingly not getting it. Then, just as Hayami is about to spell it out, it dawns on him.

"Yes. Yes we did. " he says in wonder. "How did we not notice?"

"A lot's happened since April, to be fair. We've kind of just been hurtling through it."

"But even so…"he thinks about this. "We've done it. We've made it."

"Yeah. Yeah, we have." Hayami smiles at the thought, but then she remembers their situation. The moon explosion, Koro-sensei. The summer plans.

"But that's not the end of it, is it?" she asked. "It's the beginning."

"But still, we made it. In the way we haven't been able to do before. That has to be a good sign, right?" Chiba points out.

"Hmm…."

He isn't wrong. That is the feeling she's had, all this time. That if they were able to make it through a year, and then they would be able to make it through everything. They would get what they had been aspiring towards all this time, over and over again. That hadn't taken into account other events such as the ones that have rocked their worlds. _But still, I believe it._

"I think we will. And if we don't make it, we try again. Over and over, as much as it takes. We try again."

Hayami blinks, the sensation of hearing her words from centuries ago repeated back at her an incredibly bizarre one. Chiba tilts his head slightly and waits, expectantly. And eventually, she smiles again.

"Yes, indeed." She replies. "No matter what, right? I won't break a promise that easily."

 _I want this to be it though. This to be the life we have._

"But, I think we'll make it through this one. I'm confident about that." He adds.

She thinks about that. Everything from this point is an unknown quantity. There is no way to predict what could happen, what new challenges they might face. But they are here, at this point. There's so much she's looking forward to experiencing with him, to discover about him. And even herself. _Who will I become, this time around? What sort of life will I lead?_ The answer to those questions, and the chances to find those answers. While everyone else is most probably simply fighting for the sake of the earth, the thrill of the kill, or the reward money, this is what she is fighting for.

But not alone.

" _The things that you can't do and I can do, I'll do. And things that you can't do, but I don't know how to do-I'll learn. And there'll be things that I can't do at all, but which you could do-I'll leave those to you."_

No, never, ever alone.

"Yes. We will."

* * *

 **WHEEEE This is finished, at last. And somewhat earlier than I'd honestly expected. (okay, a LOT earlier than expected) It was still hard to translate the ideas I had about this chapter from head to Word Document, but I'm more satisfied with this chapter than I have been with some of the others, so there's that. And the main thing is, this project is finished! I have done it!**

 **Thank you everyone who has favourite, followed, reviewed etc. for sticking with this, even though it took MUCH longer than I'd honestly anticipated thanks to that many-month-gap partway through. I hope you have enjoyed the whole fic, and even hope that it encourages you to read _Midwinterblood_. **

**I've recently started a Danganronpa SYOC called 'The SHSL Survivors' Society' so if you're interested in that fandom then please do check it out. As of the date of uploading this there are many spots open too, so send me a character too if you'd like^^. And, well, I've not got much to say now, so yeah. Please leave feedback, as always, and thank you for reading!**


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